Annoying housemate how do I cope?

Lapis Luzali

My house mate drives me mad. She's really heavy handed with everything so things are constantly getting broken, the racks in the dishwasher are broken, the oven door is broken, the printer is broken, ive had that printer for 5 years with no problems, as soon as I moved in here within a week the little flap at the front was broken off and the top of the printer is broken off too. My weighting scales is broken, it belonged to my granny who had it on the floor of her bathroom since the 60's and its been in perfect condition all these years, within a few months of moving in here its broken. She's constantly dropping plates/glasses/cups.
She's very heavy handed with everything, when she loads/unloads the dishwasher its so loud, she slams doors and windows, she walks past my room and the room literally shakes because she stamps her feet as she walks, I can hear her in the kitchen when shes making tea from upstairs because she slams the press doors, slams the cup on the counter, its crazy. She wakes me up every morning. She's also a really loud sleeper, she snores so loud, sometimes I have to go sleep downstairs because her snoring in the next room keeps me awake, she also shouts in her sleep.

Shes not fat or over weight but she has a really unhealthy diet. She will only eat processed food and everything she eats is full of grease. She does all her food shopping in Aldi and buys the cheapest stuff she can find, all the Aldi own brand cheap meats and bread, she never eats any fruit or veg, she never buys any. its disgusting, ive tried cooking for her a good few times but she doesnt like anything 'different' in her food. She also smokes 40 a day so she has a serious smokers cough, sometimes I worry because its so bad it sounds like shes choking.
When we talk she makes everything about herself, I can be talking about me or something that happened and she'll change the topic to her or the people she works with. So ill be telling her about something that happened and before ive finished she'll say something like 'oh yeah thats like me today in work.. or this thing happened to me' and it'll be totally unrelated to anything I was talking about..
Its like shes waiting for me to stop talking so that she can talk instead.
She keeps interrupting me when I try talk to her or when im telling her about something.
When she tells me things about her self or something that happened that day she's always the hero of the story, every story is about how great she is or about some praise someone gave her or how she helped someone and saved the day. Our conversations are completely one sided, we cant have a normal conversation. Im starting to avoid her, I dont want to go into the kitchen if shes there and I finding myself getting snappy with her, ending conversations quickly and leaving the room. I dont want any tension and I tell myself ill try harder next time but as soon as she starts talking and telling me how she made someones day or how someone told her she was amazing its like I cant be nice. I get a bit irritated, say something like 'thats great' and then leave the room.

I cant move out, the rent here isnt so bad - its in my budget and theres not many other places available.. I just want to know how I can deal with the situation as it is - without moving out. Thanks.

zapper55

Even if it meant paying more rent I wouldn't stay living with someone so toxic but you appear to have ruled that out.

I'd ask her to be more gentle with the house items that she mightnt realise it but she wakes you up every morning with the noise. I'd also point out the broken weighing scales and printer and that she broke them from not takin more care.


Why on earth are you being so passive about it all though? It sounds like you are just letting it happen to you. I'd take anything belonging to me and put it in my room so she doesn't break it and I wouldn't be engaging in chats about her day. Eat after she does it the kitchen if her habits bother you.

But honestly move out, life is too short for this crap. Or tell her you want to find another housemate and ask if she can. Take some control.

TheChizler

Nothing wrong with ALDI meat and bread. Her breaking stuff is a real issue but if you try to mother her on some issues you're just going to cause both of yourselves frustration.

Batgurl

She’s entitled to live her life however she chooses so AFAICS you have two choices; move out or suck it up princess.

Honestly you sound so judgemental and borderline controlling that I really feel sorry for that girl.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Batgurl

Edited to add, if she’s breaking your stuff, tell her to replace it but her diet, her choice, her personality, her choice, her life, her choice.

Ave Sodalis

Batgurl wrote:

Honestly you sound so judgemental and borderline controlling that I really feel sorry for that girl.

The OPs housemate is breaking her things, waking her up, and not allowing her to talk unless it's about the housemate. The Aldi food comment was a bit unnecessary but I can definitely see why the OP would be less than tolerant of the housemate at this stage.

Batgurl

Ave Sodalis wrote: »

The OPs housemate is breaking her things, waking her up, and not allowing her to talk unless it's about the housemate. The Aldi food comment was a bit unnecessary but I can definitely see why the OP would be less than tolerant of the housemate at this stage.

The OP is house sharing, things like being inconvenienced by coughing and having things in the common areas broken are the risks you take for the cheaper rent. As for “not allowing them to talk”, that’s not really how conversations work...you don’t like it, you opt out.

LegacyUser

Have you ever considered you sound insufferable yourself? What or where she buys is none of your business. Ye clearly don’t get on and are very different personalities. It’s a housemate not a marriage. With the exception of breakages you’re being ott

Ave Sodalis

Batgurl wrote: »

The OP is house sharing, things like being inconvenienced by coughing and having things in the common areas broken are the risks you take for the cheaper rent. As for “not allowing them to talk”, that’s not really how conversations work...you don’t like it, you opt out.

Things getting broken through age and wear is normal. A lot of things getting broken due to misuse is not normal regardless of cost of rent, and breaking other people's things is definitely not okay without offering to replace or fix them. I've lived in some absolute dives which meant water coming through the ceiling, or ice cold rooms. It never meant my other housemates were given the all clear to break my things (or vice versa) or slam doors. It never meant that it was okay to not try and look after the things that were in the house that everyone else needs to use too.



The OP still has to live with the housemate. The housemate constantly talking about herself and not being interested in making conversation outside of herself, leads to uncomfortable living arrangements. Yes, the OP doesn't have to talk to the housemate, but the idea that the OP is being a princess and controlling for find it annoying is ludicrous.



Living with other people is a pain. There always has to be some compromise on everyone's side. That doesn't mean you are not allowed to find what other people do to be annoying, and that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to trying and fix issues that are fixable, such as taking more care with the house or being a bit more considerate in the morning.

OP, you do have very limited options. You can either try to talk to the housemate about the house, buy earplugs, stay out of the house/common rooms as much as possible, or take the financial hit and move out. The latter is really the only solution in the long term, even though I know you don't want to. It sounds like you and your housemate are incompatible and you won't really come up with a compromise on this. You can't change who a person is.

wiggle16

Are you living with a woman or a bleeding gorilla?? Perhaps you could install a tyre swing in the back garden for her?

She sounds like a f*cking nightmare. I don't think you're being judgemental at all.

To be honest OP, the only way thing you can realistically do anything about is the heavy-handedness. Sit her down and tell her you know she doesn't mean to be, but she is very heavy handed and has broken XYZ and things belonging to you, ask her to be more careful. And obviously, she should be paying for and replacing the things she is breaking.

But the rest of it is pretty much in her make up and isn't going to change - she thinks she's the dog's bollocks. She likely doesn't know she snores or shouts. She doesn't know how to converse properly and is not going to learn now. She doesn't sound like a nasty person but that would drive me to distraction as well. I think if someone acted like this at home and then started filling me in on how great she is in the outside world, I would find that hard to stomach too.

Her diet and smoking are none of your business, though. If they repulse you then you are just going to have to learn to look past them.

Realistically, your options are limited to:

1) Adapt to her behaviour - earplugs, developing a thicker skin, ignoring what she eats, concentrating on yourself and keeping on top of her with the heavy-handedness;
2) Move out;
3) Donate her to a primate sanctuary

Daisy78

Ave Sodalis wrote: »

The OPs housemate is breaking her things, waking her up, and not allowing her to talk unless it's about the housemate. The Aldi food comment was a bit unnecessary but I can definitely see why the OP would be less than tolerant of the housemate at this stage.

Then she needs to either (a) take back all of her stuff from the communal spaces or (b) have a polite word with her about being more mindful about breaking stuff.

The comment about the food is bizarre, it's not her place to comment on someone else's diet, it comes across as very judgemental.

The other girl sounds painful, but I've lived with people like that before. Talking about their own lives ad nauseum without any deference given to others living there. But she is not a friend, she is there to pay the rent so I'd have as little to do with her as possible and just get on with it.

Rubberchikken

Youre entitled to habe others respect your stuff. Tbh she sounds like too much work. Personally i couldnt deal with someone like that. Either she doesnt realise what shes like or she doesnt care.

If ur stuck with her, then maybe consider moving when u can.
If u dont want to move then a conversation is necessary.
There has to be compromise in a sharing situation. Its not the responsibility of one to endure obnoxious behaviour from someone else.
Im willing to bet there are others who may have
Shared with her in the past who heaved a large sigh of relief when she moved on.

ConnyMcDavid

If you swallow your pride and started shopping in Aldi you might save 50-100 per month, which might allow you to rent another place within budget.

Lapis Luzali

Thanks for the all the replies, I agree the food thing is none of my business and not something I should be even thinking about. I think im just having one of those weeks where every little thing is beginning to grate on me. Im especially annoyed today because she woke me up at 7.30 this morning banging around the place.
Ive mentioned it to her before about breaking my stuff - she didnt care, just shrugged it off, didnt even say sorry or sometimes she'll deny she did it. If I say anything about her making so much noise she doesnt care either, she just gets annoyed at me and takes it really personally.

@ConnyMcDavid, I only spend 40 - 50 euro a week on food.

ahnow

She sounds awful. I wonder how she’d take to you being heavy handed with her stuff? Or you being obnoxiously loud while she’s trying to sleep!

Keep at her about the stuff she’s broken to replace or give you money for, it’s not acceptable. Show her you’re not a pushover. On her being really obnoxiously loud, call her on it when she wakes you up, and start doing it every time. Who cares if she’s taking it personally? She’s not your friend, and basic consideration when living with someone is important. Other than that...honestly...time to look elsewhere to live. Life is too short to live with an ogre.

Another thought is to have a word with the landlord that she’s quite difficult to live with, I’d make note of the house possessions she’s broken and I’d also pass on that personal items belonging to you have been broken. The landlord likely wont want someone living there if they’re going to destroy the place and force out tenants that have been decent and living there a few years with no trouble.

wiggle16

So she's just an arsehole then?

I'd say just start looking to move if that's the case. You shouldn't have to but you're just going to be unhappy there living with this bumbling, inconsiderate moron.

In the mean time, you need to do more than mention it to her (assuming you mean that literally). Have it out with her, properly - she cannot break your things and not replace or pay for them. I know most people are not confrontational, but I have never understood why so many people put up with other people's bad behaviour for the sake of a quiet life. If she sees that her actions have consequences (beyond you having a word with her) she might think twice about being such an ignorant oaf. Keep anything belonging to you in your room. If you have bought items/appliances for the house that she's liable to break, move them out of communal areas if you have to. I know that sounds petty, but there is not much love to lose between yous anyway and if she cannot respect your possessions then you are entitled to deny her access to them. It would be different if she had the decency to apologise and try to make up for breaking things, but if she doesn't care about your stuff, why should you let her use it?

Also how on God's Earth do you end up BREAKING a weighing scales?? You'd need to drop it from a height or kick it across the floor like.

Make sure the landlord knows that SHE is responsible for the damage to the oven, dishwasher etc. Keep a list of things she has broken, damaged etc. You've been living there for five years with no issues, you shouldn't have to take any flak simply because she is an idiot.

dog tired

If it's getting to the stage of trying to cope, move out. Or you start being inconsiderate to her and get her to move out.

Sam Quentin

God love her,. She sounds like she was born in the jungle and raised by monkeys!?

pwurple

Ah come on. Monkey comments? The woman sounds more like she has possible dyspraxia or some sort of coordination disorder.

If it's that, she can't help it. So your choices are basically either Lump it or Leave it.

Wanderer78

pwurple wrote:

Ah come on. Monkey comments? The woman sounds more like she has possible dyspraxia or some sort of coordination disorder.

Didn't even read the whole op, this is what I suspect it is, common enough to

orthsquel

Is it just the 2 of you living there and how long are you actually there? Is she there longer than you, are there other housemates? If so to the latter, have they any similar issues with this housemate?

You're entitled to have your possessions treated with respect, and not to be interfered with that results in them being broken. It shouldn't have to be said, as most people will understand to be respectful of others property, but since she didn't care that your stuff got broken, I'd suggest that next time it happens, you confront her about it. Any items that are particularly sentimental, perhaps you need to keep that in your own room for your own use. Cups and mugs as gifts, for example, store them in your own cupboard and not with the general house mugs if you think they may get broken.

For the noise.... 7.30am is not an unreasonable time for people to be making food and noise, especially going to work. Could it be that the house/apartment you are in just is particularly badly built, with paper thin walls? Some people can be just loud and noisy and not realise it, especially if they were accustomed to living alone for a while, or with housemates that were either rarely there, or lived and worked different hours, or where there were louder housemates living there before.

To be really honest, if you're finding that living there is forcing you to withdraw, you're not exactly going to be happy living there. A person can't change their behaviour overnight, you can only hope for more consideration towards you to be quieter in the mornings but in the long term it's probably not going to be practical living like that.

If you're only there a short while, you are probably better off either accepting that you are going to be miserable with someone you are on the road to loathing while saving a few quid, or start looking for someone else to live.

AllForIt

OP, the only option you have to sort this out is to have her out. Is this possible? If she is indeed breaking things as your say this would be grounds for eviction.

Although you do talk about her personal habits in too personal a way that is somewhat unnecessary - she does sound like like a nightmare to live with so you do have my sympathy for the situation you find yourself in.

What is you landlord like? When I house shared I had a good relationship with my landlord and when a certain flatmate over stepped the line she was gone in 2 weeks with the support of my landlord. I feel you should look into this. It may necessitate you taking the time to advertise for a replacement but in such a case it is good to have control over who you feel you might get along with.

In general I think house sharing can be very good, but when it's bad it can be very bad such as your experiencing. I feel for your mental health you have to do something about it and quicko.

Edit: If you do speak to your landlord - just tell them about the stuff she is breaking - don't mention the other stuff you mentioned in your OP because if the Landlord senses it's something personal they may be less likely to be on your side. Do mention she's making your life a nightmare without being personal.

I hear you OP. I've lived with some fruitcakes in the past and it was a nightmare everytime. They were messy, lazy and loved banging doors for some reason. Thank god I've my own place now. I'd move if I were you. People like her wont change and no point in you being unhappy there.

kylith

Keep your stuff in your room, invest in some ear plugs, and don’t engage with her more than necessary. And if she breaks something belonging to the house like cups or plates make sure she replaces it.