Just feeling so low and upset. Need advice.

Hello 1

I'm going through one of the worst times in my life.

Just before Christmas, a close family member was diagnosed with a serious illness. Thankfully, they are receiving treatment, but the road to recovery is a long way yet. In the same week, I walked away from a toxic work environment. The job itself I loved, but my confidence to do the job was eroded away in the last year or so.

My family, however, blame me for leaving my job, and I feel under so much pressure from them to find another job, even though I tell them repeatedly that it's not that easy to find another job just by clicking your fingers. They say I should have stayed in my job, despite the fact I was absolutely miserable, and knew deep down nothing good was ever going to come out of staying there, all for the sake of a job. In my old job, I just felt like nobody was listening to me when I told them my unhappiness in the job, their attitude being 'If you're unhappy here, I won't stop you from finding another job'; basically brushing the whole issue off, and not doing anything about it. I was badly bullied, and insulted by those longer in the job than me. In the end I just felt that my employers wanted me to leave of my own accord, but were too clever to spell it out, rather they made my working life so miserable every day with a barrage of constant criticisms, rarely praising my good efforts. I gave 100% to the job. I am a hard working person, by nature, but there were people in the job longer than me, were let away with doing next to nothing themselves, piling their work onto others to do, as well as their own. Yet, I was picked up over every tiny detail. In the end I was so frustrated over everything and I just left the job. I know that might sound childish.
Since leaving, I have been trying in earnest to find something else to occupy myself with, but I just feel so let down and alone. All I wanted was a work environment I could bear. I just felt like nothing I ever did was going to be good enough - I could n't continue on like that.

I don't even have the confidence to 'start from the bottom' all over again and look for another job, or go through numerous job interviews with rejection letters piling through the letterbox, but don't want to have no money, or be receiving unemployment assistance for the rest of my life. I worked hard in college and achieved a good honours degree, but employers just don't value it. I feel like I wasted my life. People I know, who work in the same career area, who have less qualifications than myself, seem to just walk into new jobs with no trouble at all. I don't know what to do anymore. I try talking to my family, but I just end up feeling even worse.

Any advice?

Xterminator

Hi Op

You sound like you are in a bad place at the moment.

The decision to leave a job you are unhappy in, is not in itself bad. The decision to leave with nothing lined up is an emergency measure. And only you can decide if it was an emergency. If it wasn't; you should really have looked for alternative work and kept turning up.

But in a way there is little to be gained by raking over that situation. Its done and you are in the situation you are in now.

The fact you cannot bring yourself to start again, and rebuild is the real problem and perhap you can go to your GP and explain you cannot find it in you to even look for work. It sounds like you may have depression - let you GP advise you.

In the meantime can you get some exercise, long walks and fresh air, and look at your diet. Avoid processed foods and try to eat plenty of fresh veg and fruit. Simple to do, but can energise you and lift the mood.

Airyfairy12

Hi op, i can relate to your post a little bit, I was long term unemployed with a degree and never even got an interview for 3 years despite applying to jobs constantly, yet friends with the same degree or less qualification were walking into jobs. The difference between me and them, was not our ability to do the job, but the connections we had. Any of my friends that walked into these jobs did so because their dad/mother/aunt/uncle or family friend knew an employer, business owner or someone in a company with influence.
When theyre teenagers and young adults, their parents often get them their first jobs in hotels, bars and restaurants, this gets their foot in the door and they get the experience required to apply to future similar jobs. If someone has 2 - 3 years experience as a waiter or working in a bar, they will never be stuck for work or money on the side.

Chances are these people aren't walking into these jobs because theyre giving great interviews or theyre anymore better than you. Theyre getting these jobs because they have a list of previous work experience in jobs that were handed to them because mammy and daddy knew someone important or they themselves knew someone in a high position.

If you want to get a job youre going to have to network, theres often job expo's in Dublin and all over Ireland, if you google it loads should pop up. Ask friends and family if they know of anyone or anywhere that's hiring - youd be surprised how many people dont think to say anything when they hear of a job going somewhere. It doesn't even occur to some people to help someone out, sometimes you just have to ask for it.
Have you considered doing a masters or higher diploma? A bachelors degree is so common now its become just like having a leaving cert, its a base level of education as so many people have the same level of qualification these days. Also take into consideration youre up against people with friends in the right places, you need to give employers a reason to hire you over them. Having a masters could be a good place to start.

TomOnBoard

Hi. Sorry to hear your situation and I empathise with you.

Can you make an appointment to see your GP asap and discuss how you are feeling and take it from there? In the meantime, try and get out for a few walks and stay away from depressants like alcohol for the moment.

Be well.

orthsquel

Don't be so hard on yourself OP.
A toxic work environment, where you feel picked on and have little support from colleagues is not the best place to be. It doesn't sound like you had much support, if colleagues were hearing what you said and telling you where the door was.
Perhaps your family are critical because of your family member's ill health? Perhaps they are less sympathetic of your situation because their focus is on the other family member and the worries with that and may be indirectly are taking it out on you, unintentionally and putting you under that pressure?
Have you anyone you can talk with? Friends, or colleagues you did get on with, that you could have a chat with?
You can only do so much on your own, would you consider talking out what you are feeling and perhaps start setting goals about job hunting, let friends know what you're looking for, even review your CV and would you consider maybe even seeing a career guidance counsellor for other avenues into the career and role you want, or even what options you have to keep your toes in the water while you look for a new job?