Mental health issues degrading

Bmw123d

Hi I’m just posting this in the hope of someone actually having some helpful advise.

Basically for the last number of years I’ve suffered with depression,anxiety,suicide ideas extra.

So let me start at the start. I won’t go into the reasons that got to me to were I am but I’m at this point anyway. So let’s say about 5 years I met physiatrist A who I was a while waiting to see and he started me on medication this went on and during each vist there was always another medication added until finally I was on 11 different medications trying to go about my life as u can imagine was quite hard. This went on for about 2.5 years which of this time I have very little memory at all. Basically at this stage a lot had gone on and there was something that happened that brought me to my family to it’s knees. But in this I took a overdose anyway and tried to end it all I couldn’t take any more. Anyways after 3 days of being intensive care I came around and was wondering why I was still around. So the doctor visited me in icu anyway for the next few days and then allowed me home. Some more time passed and I was still attending doc A. But having a meeting about the issues which brought my family to it’s kness with a Tulsa worker who was not Irish. He was very intrusive and this brought me back to my child hood to wear my problem stemmed from basically pushed me over the edge and I ended up in a mental health unit for 8weeks drugged up to my eye balls. I began counseling which I’m not really sure if it done much good because I was so drugged up.

So anyways after my time in the unit. I decided I was going to get off all this medication weather it was right or wrong. And I did it took its time but I got there. But it turned out to be the wrong choice. So I was handed over to a new doctor. Physiatrist B who at the time didn’t have the answers really but went through my full history with me. Her conclusion was I was bi polar. Do I agree no I don’t still to this day. Anyways the new doctor started me on two medications at very low doses and began to work my way up to the maximum. I’ve told this doctor over and over that this medication is not working for me at all. I need something to make me relax or to make me unwind but she just kept upping the same meds session after session.
So in a bit shell I’ve 0 faith in her at all and I basically said to myself well f her I’ve told her every time that this isn’t working so I stopped attending her bought my last script in Spain afew weeks and that was that. But over the course of the last 6 months this has being creeping up on me more and more. Depression my anxiety unable to relax unhappy loosing the will to live.
So at the time I decided to try cbd oil and to be honest it’s not working. So hear I am in a bad bad way no where to turn won’t look to see that doctor again and in a bad place.
Where do I turn where do I go. Might I add that I need to see someone like now as in yesterday.

Can’t go to hospital because I can’t let work find out about it again as it’s taking me years to get back to where I am in work at present

Sorry if the post is all over the place just looking for some help

The Black Oil

Moved from Psychology. PI charter now applies.

Wanderer78

Apologies op, I didn't read all your message as I'm Dyslexic, do you do much exercise or physical activities?

Bmw123d

Wanderer78 wrote: »

Apologies op, I didn't read all your message as I'm Dyslexic, do you do much exercise or physical activities?

Eh I would say I could do a lot more if I’m honest. I mostly do a lot of work. I work long hours which I don’t mind. Only problem it is I’m finding it very hard the past few days.

Ended up doing a counciling session yesterday evening. And when I finished I tought to myself how the hell on earth am I back hear.
Still feeling quite bad if I’m honest

Wanderer78

Bmw123d wrote: »

Eh I would say I could do a lot more if I’m honest. I mostly do a lot of work. I work long hours which I don’t mind. Only problem it is I’m finding it very hard the past few days.

Ended up doing a counciling session yesterday evening. And when I finished I tought to myself how the hell on earth am I back hear.
Still feeling quite bad if I’m honest

the process is very slow, set backs are common, persistence and patience are required. its very important to be kind to yourself, be good to yourself, and pat yourself on the back. i apologies if this comes across as condescending or anyway negative, its not meant to be. try cut back on work, and introduce more physical exercise, and please keep up the counselling.

pl4ichjgy17zwd

Is there a reason you don't agree with the bipolar diagnosis OP?

Bmw123d

Jairo Teeny Beggar wrote: »

Is there a reason you don't agree with the bipolar diagnosis OP?

It’s not that I don’t agree with it as such. It’s more that I’ve never really tought that I was. But if I am I am nothing that I can do about it. Still agreeing or disagreeing with it doesn’t change where I’m at at present and where to turn.
I feel like my head is going to explode with pressure. And I’ve actually nothing to be stressed about.

Wanderer78

Bmw123d wrote:

It’s not that I don’t agree with it as such. It’s more that I’ve never really tought that I was. But if I am I am nothing that I can do about it. Still agreeing or disagreeing with it doesn’t change where I’m at at present and where to turn. I feel like my head is going to explode with pressure. And I’ve actually nothing to be stressed about.

Disorders such as bi-polar are actually common enough, I've met many with it, even worked with a couple of people with it, it is manageable, but does require a lot of personal work and discipline.

The fact that you have opened up about it here is promising, it's important not to feel shame with mental health issues, they are in fact very common, but the stigma of shame does still exist with them. The depression and anxiety thread on boards is extremely helpful, it's worth checking out

pl4ichjgy17zwd

Bmw123d wrote:

It’s not that I don’t agree with it as such. It’s more that I’ve never really tought that I was. But if I am I am nothing that I can do about it. Still agreeing or disagreeing with it doesn’t change where I’m at at present and where to turn. I feel like my head is going to explode with pressure. And I’ve actually nothing to be stressed about.

I ask because I'm bipolar myself and I know for a lot of people it can be difficult to accept a diagnosis like this because people see it as a lifelong affliction instead of a depression or anxiety episode they can come through the other side on. Of course mental health doesn't work as simply as that, but it can feel like a diagnosis means that's it for life.

Also as someone with BAD, I can relate to how the medications can make you feel like crap. But honestly, it doesn't seem like coincidence that you feel like this after going off them. You need them. At the very least, you need to talk to a professional. This is not something that goes away on it's own, you just get pushed further and further to the edge.

Is your GP good? My local mental health team is not great at all, but my GP is my lifesaver. If you start there, you can explain everything and look into starting with a service that might work for you or get another opinion on how best to help you.

You don't have to feel like this forever, but you will need to accept help from someone to start with, even if you don't think it's 100% ideal. When you're feeling clearer you can be more proactive.