So Self Conscious

LegacyUser

I'm overweight / fat / whatever way you want to describe it. I always have been from childhood. I went through a period through my mid to late 20's where I was really active and fit - running, gym, cycling etc; and consequently I lost weight. I felt a lot more comfortable in myself.

Due to my lifestyle (working in an office, long commute in the car) / money issues / young kids / poor diet etc. I've largely stopped doing any exercise. My life is very sedentary. I've had a few failed attempts to get back to some sort of regular exercise but for one reason or other it hasn't lasted.

The main issue I'm having though is that my weight is causing me to be SO SO SO self conscious... For whatever reason I have a lot of fat on my belly & chest. I should mention I'm a man. The chest is the area that's really depressing me. It's getting to the stage where I'm avoiding going places (especially in this weather) because I hate that people are looking at me and/or judging me or laughing at me. It's really impacting on being able to go and do nice things with my wife & kids. My kids might want to go out to the park, or go swimming (I also loved swimming when I was younger) but I tend to put it off and come up with some excuse not to go. I hate that I'm depriving my kids of these things.

My wife tells me that I shouldn't care what other people think. While I understand that logically this is true, I still can't seem to get over the feelings I'm having.

For example, about a year ago - during one of my numerous attempts to get back exercising - I was out for a jog. I was passing a couple of girls and one of them loudly says "look at his tits" as I was passing by. That's really stuck with me. It's also not the first time that some smart-arse has made some comment while I'm out exercising.

I don't want this to be something that limits me - but that fact is that it does.

Am I alone in this? Am I crazy? Are there any things I can try to help myself get over this feeling.

Why do I care so much about what other people may or may not think about my appearance?

LegacyUser

Your weight is based largely on diet as is weightloss 80% diet and 20% exercise. Being sedentary part be part of the issue but it’s not the whole issue. Why should your kids miss out on memories and activities with their dad, they’re only young once. You’ve a responsibility to change this.

cazzer22

Ifeelbad wrote: »

I'm overweight / fat / whatever way you want to describe it. I always have been from childhood. I went through a period through my mid to late 20's where I was really active and fit - running, gym, cycling etc; and consequently I lost weight. I felt a lot more comfortable in myself.

Due to my lifestyle (working in an office, long commute in the car) / money issues / young kids / poor diet etc. I've largely stopped doing any exercise. My life is very sedentary. I've had a few failed attempts to get back to some sort of regular exercise but for one reason or other it hasn't lasted.

The main issue I'm having though is that my weight is causing me to be SO SO SO self conscious... For whatever reason I have a lot of fat on my belly & chest. I should mention I'm a man. The chest is the area that's really depressing me. It's getting to the stage where I'm avoiding going places (especially in this weather) because I hate that people are looking at me and/or judging me or laughing at me. It's really impacting on being able to go and do nice things with my wife & kids. My kids might want to go out to the park, or go swimming (I also loved swimming when I was younger) but I tend to put it off and come up with some excuse not to go. I hate that I'm depriving my kids of these things.

My wife tells me that I shouldn't care what other people think. While I understand that logically this is true, I still can't seem to get over the feelings I'm having.

For example, about a year ago - during one of my numerous attempts to get back exercising - I was out for a jog. I was passing a couple of girls and one of them loudly says "look at his tits" as I was passing by. That's really stuck with me. It's also not the first time that some smart-arse has made some comment while I'm out exercising.

I don't want this to be something that limits me - but that fact is that it does.

Am I alone in this? Am I crazy? Are there any things I can try to help myself get over this feeling.

Why do I care so much about what other people may or may not think about my appearance?

I get where you're coming from as someone who felt the same way about myself. It's completely natural. It becomes a little more challenging if we begin to obsess about other people's opinions. You are doing this for you and your self- esteem and you're doing it because it's going to help you to feel better about yourself. Would you try jogging with headphones? It's always nice to run with a podcast and that may help you to distract yourself as you're running, then you won't be overhearing things that may/may not be about you. I find this helpful and I also wear comfortable clothes that I won't feel conscious of myself running in.
If people make these comments towards you, you need to have a reserve of comments to build yourself back up in your head. For example; 'Look at that guy, he'll never be fit.'' ''I'll show them and I'm going to feel much better about myself.'' What you think of yourself is far more important than some randomer just trying to bring you down.

It may be worth looking into CBT and talking through things with a counsellor. I did that for a little while and found it really helped. Exercise is a wonderful way of dealing with anxiety/self-image.
Just remember why you're doing what you're doing and remember that you're trying to improve yourself and the begrudgers are more than likely going to be in the same position. You're only going to be moving forward. X

AllForIt

For example, about a year ago - during one of my numerous attempts to get back exercising - I was out for a jog. I was passing a couple of girls and one of them loudly says "look at his tits" as I was passing by. That's really stuck with me. It's also not the first time that some smart-arse has made some comment while I'm out exercising.

1. Fat shaming is a thoroughly disgusting phenomenon. You need to be alert to this - it will help you. Ppl who engage in this are total scum afaic.

2. When you start off on a new exercise/diet routine and you compare yourself to ppl who are fit you need to realise that what you are doing if far far more impressive than those who are either fit - mega fit - buff - ripped etc. Many ppl have never had any weight problems and it is much easier for them than it is for you - that's why although you don't currently look like them I say what you are doing is far more impressive.

3. Your weight problems are fundamentally down to what you are eating. You can't jog off all the weight, it's impossible. You could loose all the weight by changing what you eat without doing any exercise at all. It's a common misconception that obesity is down to lack of exercise but it isn't. It's the excess calories that made you overweight in the first place so it's logical if didn't eat in excess you would't have put on the weigh at all. The hardest thing about loosing weight is changing what you eat and deep down you know that to be true. It's common that ppl who what to loose weight will do everything they can to get rid of it except the one thing that they need to do.

4. Advice. If going out exercising is causing you too much physiological distress I suggest this - take a period of time to educate yourself about food over a few months and concentrate solely on sorting out your diet and forget the exercise. If you want to do some exercise go for a long walk instead of a run. If you do this right you will loose some considerable weight over months and then you can go back jogging with your new found confidence.

Wanderer2010

AllForIt wrote: »

4. Advice. If going out exercising is causing you too much physiological distress I suggest this - take a period of time to educate yourself about food over a few months and concentrate solely on sorting out your diet and forget the exercise. If you want to do some exercise go for a long walk instead of a run. If you do this right you will loose some considerable weight over months and then you can go back jogging with your new found confidence.

Very wise words here. You don't need to go from 0-100 overnight. A few months of getting used to clean eating interspersed with some regular walking would be a great start to changing your lifestyle then this boost to your confidence would launch you to the next stage of public exercise. Best of luck OP.

Ursus Horribilis

Would you consider joining a slimming group such as Slimming World or Weight Watchers? It'd educate you as to what you should be eating, give you ideas for what you could eat at work and give you group support. It's easy to fall into a rut when you're in a sedentary job but you can still lose weight even if you don't always get to exercise. As the others have correctly pointed out, you won't shift the excess weight through exercise alone. The vast majority of weight loss comes about by what you eat.

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LolaJJ

As per some of the previous posters. Weight is really down to diet and making good choices.....exercise will help you to be fit and potentially burn more calories but as long as you eat less calories than you burn you will lose weight.

I would be pretty active now following significant weightloss 13 years ago and I've been able to maintain my weight over the years.... a few things I have learned that night be helpful.... if you just start with really small changes, maybe a new one every 2 weeks it can become very achievable. EG: Giving up sugar in your tea, or skipping your 11 O'Clock snack.

Don't start with a goal of your ultimate end results. Maybe your first goal will be 3 lbs off ETC.

Might be worth visiting a nutritionist who will hold you accountable - I wouldn't agree with Weight Watchers or Slimming World as they promote junk foods which actually make the process of losing weight a bit harder (and you keep coming back and giving them more money)

sugary processed foods (even if they are low in calories) make you feel hungry much quicker than things that are high in protein and fat.
Refined carbohydrates (bread, rice, pasta, spaghetti) will turn in to glucose (sugar) if you are not active. and these will also make you hungry

snacking on things like cheese, boiled eggs, meat is a lot more efficient to keep you full if you're struggling to get to the next meal..

Obviously always talk to a professional before going on any extreme diet. Best of luck

Sheog

Oh Op, that is absolutely dreadful what those girls said to you! I can understand how that would stay with you and make you even more self conscious and inclined to give up.

I know it's easier said then done, but try to forget the bad comments and remember the supportive comments of your wife instead.
Or maybe get really angry about the negative comments and use that anger to motivate you to take action and work on improving your health and lifestyle?

I have struggled at times with my weight and my self esteem. I find Pat Divilly's programs excellent. He focuses on many different aspects to drive positive sustainable lifestyle changes and to grow self confidence. It's mainly run through online, with follow at home programs so you don't have to worry about how you look in gyms and classes. https://www.patdivilly.com/

What really worked for me (from his programs) was making small consistent changes incrementally over a number of weeks and months. Everyone is different though. I have friends who find Weight Watchers great. (Each to their own!)

Maybe try a few different things and see which work best for you. Best of luck with it!

Dial Hard

LolaJJ wrote:

EG: Giving up sugar in your tea.

I agree with you that small changes are the way to start, but this isn't where I'd be starting. Sugar on its own is not inherently fattening. Unless the OP is drinking gallons of tea that are literally saturated with sugar, giving up sugar in his tea will make absolutely bugger all difference to his weight.

Now, if he's having a couple of biscuits or a funsize bar with every cup of tea, then that's a different story.

LolaJJ wrote:

Might be worth visiting a nutritionist who will hold you accountable - I wouldn't agree with Weight Watchers or Slimming World as they promote junk foods which actually make the process of losing weight a bit harder (and you keep coming back and giving them more money)

Just worth noting for the OP that nutritionist isn't a protected term in Ireland - I could set myself up as one tomorrow. If he's seeing a professional (and I agree he should) it's a dietician he needs to look for.

OP, there are good stickies in the Nutrition forum, which is a sub of Fitness. My Fitness Pal is a great resource to track calories, which is really what you need to do. As others have rightly pointed weight loss/control really is about what you eat above everything else. As they say, you can't out-exercise a bad diet.

Best of luck with it.

Gingermac

Hi OP, here are a few things that worked for me.

Calorie tracking. I downloaded an app called myfitnesspal on my phone.You put in your weight, height, your activity level and the amount of weight you would like to lose. it will give you a calorie threshold per day. If you stick to this, you will lose weight. It is as simple as calories in, calories out. Nothing complicated about it, if you use more calories than you consume, you lose weight.

Secondly I was given a present of a fitbit. This is not essential and many people download a step counter on their phone. I just found it very handy and motivating. I now go for a walk at lunchtime that I would not have done previously.

Eat more salad and veg, no desserts during the week. But at the weekend, I do have a dessert, usually home made as my daughter is into baking. It is an indulgence,but I will go for a long walk the day after.

i also joined my local library, downloaded bookbub and listen to audiobooks on my walks. Might not work for everyone, but makes me look forward to my walks.

Don't listen to anyone else about your weight, no matter what weight you are, you are loved by your family. But if you are not comfortable in your clothes then just do something about it. I calorie track during weekdays, but live a little at the weekend, and exercise makes me feel good.

After about 6 months, I have lost the excess weight and am on the lower side of bmi for my height, I look slim and feel good.
Hope this helps

khaldrogo

Slimming world and cycling...........should get you where you want to be

mikemac2

Slimming world is good and it's not just for women

In fact some meetings have more men and there are plently of men consultants

I like the concept and got good results from it

seachto7

Ifeelbad wrote: »

For example, about a year ago - during one of my numerous attempts to get back exercising - I was out for a jog. I was passing a couple of girls and one of them loudly says "look at his tits" as I was passing by. That's really stuck with me. It's also not the first time that some smart-arse has made some comment while I'm out exercising.

Not being funny, but you should have confronted these tramps. A good kick up the hole might make them think twice. Or commented on their fake tan, fake hair etc...

Start with the diet though, and take it from there...

I found I could eat pretty much the same types of food as I always eat; but just far less of it.

Example, I'd eat a couple chocolate buttons in the evening now rather than the whole bag and save the reminder for next time.

Instead of getting a large breakfast, I'd get the small one.
Instead of a footlong in Subway, I'd get the 6in.
Instead of a whole pizza, I'd get a slice.

This way I could still enjoy what I always did - and a single pizza slice is every bit as satisfying as a whole one. I'd bet you'd feel just as full and satisfied with a 6in subway than a footlong if you made the choice.

All I needed to do was ask for the smaller options.

*Obviously all this is in context of a reasonably sensible diet as well. I wouldn't go eating out 7 days a week.

lulu1

OP please join slimming world it is really brilliant. You can eat almost anything and still lose weight.

my friend had just lost 3 stone in less than 3 months and i would guarantee she is heavier than you

heretothere

Also cannot say enough good things about slimming world. It's not a 'diet' you're never hungry or deprived. You just learn the right things to eat and when to limit your treats. A girl in my group lost 11 stone!!!!
Pick up the magazine for a bit of motivation, I really don't think you'll regret it.