Losing a parent and pregnant

br2015

I was hoping I might be able to get some advice from anyone who might have been in this unfortunate situation. I am 10 weeks pregnant with a much wanted baby but I lost a parent last week suddenly.

I am heartbroken and terrified of the negative effects my grief might be having on my little baby. I had a scan at 8 weeks and all was well and I'm due to have another with my consultant next week. I have told friends and family as I took the news very badly and needed a bit of extra support.

Should I get a check up with my GP? I am high risk anyway. I am also due back to work and don't think I can face it. I haven't slept properly in over a week and my pregnancy tiredness was horrendous before the news.

Would really appreciate any advice. Thanks.

Minier81

I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what how overwhelming it all must be for you.

I would absolutely go to your GP and tell them what has happened. I think you should be singed off work to give you some time. Many people do this due to distress in the case of an unexpected death in their immediate family. If you can't sleep and can't face work then you are simply not well enough to be in work.

I don't think your grief will negatively affect your baby, but you need to look after yourself first to make sure your baby is ok. I was high risk too and found the 8 week scan reassuring - but was still petrified going in for each subsequent scan until well abut 24 week, so being anxious about that is normal. You could call your consultant if you were worried and wanted to see them this week or even get reassurance, but I really think the main thing is to get some rest and time.

Tell me how

Maybe 1 or 2 appointments with a suitable counsellor would help you compartmentalize the grief (to some degree) or give you a sense that you are proactively dealing with it.

shesty

I would suggest telling the hospital too.
Most hospitals will have extra supports, and when the time comes to give birth and the aftermath, your hormones can play havoc with you.You may need extra support then too.

Cash_Q

So sorry for your loss.
Definitely get signed off work by your GP.
Contact the maternity hospital; at my booking appointment they asked about mental health and said to tell them if I begin to feel depressed during pregnancy. They have supports available and you would surely be eligible for them.
Take care I hope you have a good support network around you.

shesty

Just thinking OP, it's unlikely it will affect the baby but you need to take care of yourself anyway.Pregnancy is a very emotional time, and that will probably be heightened in your circumstances.So absolutely do let them know, and take the time off that you need.

Digs

My heart goes out to you, I really am so sorry, that’s such a hard thing to deal with especially when pregnant.

I’ve nothing to add bar to echo what the others have said. Mind yourself, put you first. Baby I’m sure will be fine but it’s so important to look after your own health. Work will be there waiting for you when you’re ready to go back, this is a point in your life you need to look after your. GP will be your first point of call and they should direct you to the correct supports. Definitley take the time off work, you have a lot on.

Mind yourself.

Meeeee79

Im so so sorry for your loss. What a terrible thing to happen to your family. i hope you are holding up a swell as possible.

I have a friend who had the same thing happen, she was around 16 weeks I think.

She made sure she took as much time as she needed both physically and mentally and for the rest of the pregnancy I think she really just seemed to draw her strength from the life growing inside her so maybe in a couple of weeks time you may be able to do similar.

br2015

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I am so heartbroken, we were so close and it was an absolute shock. I was so shocked last week I didn't feel any of my pregnancy symptoms but they are coming back in the last day or so thankfully.

I am going to see my GP tomorrow, I'll ask her about contacting the hospital and my consultant. My hormones are all over the place and I can't seem to comprehend what has happened, I also have a little boy at home who is also desperately sad.

Thank you all.

splinter65

br2015 wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I am so heartbroken, we were so close and it was an absolute shock. I was so shocked last week I didn't feel any of my pregnancy symptoms but they are coming back in the last day or so thankfully.

I am going to see my GP tomorrow, I'll ask her about contacting the hospital and my consultant. My hormones are all over the place and I can't seem to comprehend what has happened, I also have a little boy at home who is also desperately sad.

Thank you all.

How very sad for all of you. I can’t even imagine. Can you possibly manage to go sick from work even for another week?
Do you have family? Make sure someone you trust knows how upset you are. You need more comfort and love then someone who’s not pregnant. Don’t be afraid to express your grief.
Sorry for your trouble OP.

Tenz

br2015 wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I am so heartbroken, we were so close and it was an absolute shock. I was so shocked last week I didn't feel any of my pregnancy symptoms but they are coming back in the last day or so thankfully.

I am going to see my GP tomorrow, I'll ask her about contacting the hospital and my consultant. My hormones are all over the place and I can't seem to comprehend what has happened, I also have a little boy at home who is also desperately sad.

Thank you all.

Very sorry for your loss.

I was in your situation about a year ago. I found out I was pregnant while my father was in his last few weeks of life. I had the same thoughts as you regarding the effect of the grief on my pregnancy. I couldn’t eat or sleep properly and I worried about that and also whether high levels of ‘bad’ hormones could impact negatively on the babies(I had twins). Fast forward a year and my beautiful babies are here happy and well. I think we’re a lot more resilient than we realize, and your body will take over and take care of the baby, regardless of what or how you’re feeling.

My advice with work would be to be kind to yourself and take whatever time you need. I actually went back straight after the funeral because I needed the distraction. I think it helped me, but if you feel you need time, take it.

Again... my sincere condolences. Keep the chin up. You’re stronger than you know, and your baby will be fine. The new life can’t replace your loved one, but it can show you the way forward.

Goldenlady

Hi OP,

Firstly congrats on your pregnancy, hope you are feeling ok.


I am in a similar position, I lost my Mom back in October & found out 4 weeks later that I was pregnant. I was so scared as I was numb with grief, felt my body was possibly toxic from how upset I was and that it would affect my baby. I am not almost 36 weeks, he is strong & due soon.


Its been hard, I wont pretend it hasn't, and I am still in the depths of grief. My due date is actually 9 months to the day mom passes away.


I have had bad days, I have had good days which I feel guilty afterwards but I honestly believe the key is talking. I keep talking about Mom, I do not want to ignore the grief as it will come back worse after the birth.


I told the hospital at my initial 12 week mid wife appointment, so they do keep an eye on you.


Its such a hard time, I really do empathise with you.


I don't have much advice, just be kind to yourself, talk to your friends, partner etc. And cry as much as you want. Grief is horrible, I do feel like my pregnancy has been a little bit of a bandaid but I miss my mom terribly every day & dread when the baby arrives & she isn't there to see him but Ill deal with that at the time.


Good luck & please message me if you need to talk xx

MarkR

This happened to my wife two years ago, when her dad passed from cancer. She was up and down to Galway for weeks visiting him. It took it's toll on her emotionally, and there's little sadder than looking for funeral maternity dress.

Caden is 21 months now, and doing great. You'll get through it.

chooey

I had the same happen me. I was 10 weeks pregnant and my Mam passed away suddenly. I was numb for the first half of my pregnancy, wasn’t excited about it and found it so hard going through all of it without her. I had a bleed three days after she passed away and thought I was losing the baby.
Take as much time off as you need- it’s such a difficult time. My baby is 20 months now and the absolute love of my life but it’s still so difficult not having my mother with me for it. Just try and mind yourself during the next few months.
Pm me if you want to chat at all. I understand exactly what you’re going through