Casual Relationship ending

jhetfield

I've been having a casual relationship with a man for the last three years. We agreed at the start that it would be casual no commitment. But over the years I have developed strong feelings for him. I brought up having a proper relationship with him once but he said no. His life was too messy with ex wife, children, work problems and money problems and despite him having similar feelings he didn't want a relationship or commitment. So we carried on as normal with me wanting more but saying nothing. He knows how I feel. We've always talked about everything.

Recently things have changed. He has been talking about how lonely he is and never having found love at his age (he's a good bit older in his fifties). It stung but I didn't say anything.

We were supposed to meet up tonight. We were chatting last night and he dropped the bomb that he had been offered a job on the other side of the world. He said that he is taking it because he needed to get away and start again and find love. He wants tonight to be the last time and say goodbye. I sent back a bit of a rant - that he had said he didn't want that and he could have had it if he'd wanted, and obviously he did, just not with me blah blah ...

I'm embarrassed by how upset I got. He didn't reply. But today he still seems to think we're still on for tonight. Should I go and say goodbye properly and end things on good terms? I don't want to let him see how much this has hurt me. I'm not blaming him btw - he was always very clear about what this was.

zapper55

I'd send a polite text wishing him well in the future but that tonight isn't going ahead. The way he sprung the move on you and spoke about wanting to find love is insensitive at best and ****ty at worst.

Take back some self respect. Why would you want to see him to say goodbye after yesterday?

italodisco

zapper55 wrote: »

I'd send a polite text wishing him well in the future but that tonight isn't going ahead. The way he sprung the move on you and spoke about wanting to find love is insensitive at best and ****ty at worst.

Take back some self respect. Why would you want to see him to say goodbye after yesterday?

Have to agree, have some self respect, he used you, learn and move on from it.

Bananaben

Wish him well but say no way are you meeting him tonight. That you deserve better. Then leave it like that.

Calypso Realm

italodisco wrote: »

Have to agree, have some self respect, he used you, learn and move on from it.

Erm no.....he's always been clear with OP he didn't want a relationship.

OP I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation, but if a guy ever says to you he doesn't want a relationship for whatever reason, BELIEVE him then WALK! Believe me those who have second thoughts and realise what they''re losing will step up......but staying regardless never ends well.

Sounds as if he's known about this for some time, so personally I wouldn't go. His loss now really!

Katgurl

Absolutely do not meet him. Just block him and seize the last shred of dignity available to you.

And never ever allow yourself be treated like this again. It would be better to be alone forever

jhetfield

Thanks. I didn't go. I know it's my own fault but it's hard to take wasting 3 years on someone, especially seeing as I'm no spring chicken either (in my 40s).

a very cool kid

Fair play, well done on picking what's right for you.