Why no step up

LegacyUser

So basically I have a guy who calls to see me almost every day, lives beside me. He makes excuses to come see me. He does a lot of diy for me & goes out of his way big time to help me out. I know in my gut feeling that he really likes me, however mutual friends have suggested he could be leading me on. They can't understand it either. I'm not sure someone would go to such bother just to lead someone on. Recently he seen me with my ex and was apparantly very upset/ jealous. A mutual friend was with him and told me. If I am not at my home at weekends he will notice my car missing & ring/text. He always initiates.

I don't feel I can ask him because I brought up the subject last Summer & he gently turned me down.

What do I do? Why would he get jealous but not try to date me? We are middle aged adults. I feel like I can't move on with anyone else either. I do really like him.

Jasper_

Ask him out for a drink.

If he says no - ah well, at least you know and can move forward.

If he says yes - go for said drink.

Calypso Realm

Confused18 wrote: »

I don't feel I can ask him because I brought up the subject last Summer & he gently turned me down. .

What exactly did you bring up with him? Say to him?

How long have you known this guy?

redfox123

Well you have already tried and he turned you down. He obviously likes you're company. Does he work? Would he be home alone if he didn't come visit you? Since mutual friends say he may be leading you on I wouldn't really advise to ask him out again. You like him so it is not doing any good this situation continuing, I would advise distancing yourself a bit. If he asks a few times why then you might say something like oh I would have liked you to ask me out but knew you weren't going to so thought it be best to take some space.

Big Bag of Chips

Did you post this before? It sounds familiar. Maybe he knows you like him and enjoys the feeling of you paying attention to him. If your friends say that he is leading you on, they obviously can see the situation from a different perspective. And they feel that your interest in him isn't reciprocated, but he enjoys knowing you want him. Even if he does like you but is too shy to do anything about it, then that's that. You made an offer, he turned you down. Are you going to keep offering until you wear him down?! It sounds like you think you know what he wants better than he does, and that's a dangerous place to be in because it can turn an equal relationship into a parent/child like relationship with one person taking the lead and "knowing what's best"

Just because he calls to you, doesn't mean you have to be available. Don't answer the door. Arrange a few different things a few evenings so you're not there. Invite some friends over occasionally and when he calls tell him you have company and you'll see him another time.

To be honest, if my best friend was calling to me that regularly I'd find it very intrusive.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

I mentioned dating to him last Summer. I know him about two years but only got closer the last year. The jealousy thing was last week. I don't initiate or ever call to him. I do feel that he likes me. He goes to such a big effort helping me out, like putting himself out big time. He has other friends too but it is always me he is around. I don't think he has been in a relationship in a long time. If he is upset it is me he comes to. Why would he be jealous but not date me? I thought been jealous meant there was feelings? Sometimes he looks like he wants to hug me. He does seem like a very sensitive person. If I don't answer the door he will ring me. The few times I went away and so not here, he would check in with me. He shows all the signs except for making a move. It is dificult to avoid each other.

C3PO

Is it just me or does his behaviour sound a little odd?

Calypso Realm

Confused18 wrote: »

I mentioned dating to him last Summer. I know him about two years but only got closer the last year. The jealousy thing was last week. I don't initiate or ever call to him. I do feel that he likes me.

In that case, he's not interested. I'm sure he likes you as a platonic friend - one who sounds protective of you. Also maybe he wasn't jealous after all (you only have one interpretation of his reaction at the time) but merely concerned for other reasons.

Calypso Realm

C3PO wrote: »

Is it just me or does his behaviour sound a little odd?

For someone who doesn't wish to take it further, definitely yes!

witchgirl26

OP when you say you mentioned dating, did you have an explicit conversation which was about the two of you dating? If not, it could be that he never connected the conversation to the two of you dating.

Honestly if you like him, ask him out specifically on a date just the two of you. If he says yes or no, you have your answer there as to whether he likes you or not.

ahnow

Honestly OP I find this behaviour odd and invasive, as a friend or a romantic interest. He has rebuffed you previously and sounds like he is leading you on a bit. I would definitely make myself less available to him if I were you, and if it rings when you dont answer the door you can always just say you’re busy at the moment, you dont owe him anything. His behaviour has an undertone of being entitled and controlling to me. I’d be wary

Big Bag of Chips

If your mother/sister etc were constantly calling around and wanting to know your whereabouts and every move and felt put out that you were spending time with someone else would you think it was them being protective. Would the thoughts of them being jealous of your time be 'cute' like you somehow think this fella is being?

As the poster above mentioned, he sounds like he feels entitled to your time and attention. And it sounds like you feel obliged to humour him.

Whatever he is offering you is not suiting you, so you don't have to accept it. Tell him it's piss or get off the pot time. And if he decides he doesn't want to date you, then he has to accept that he is not entitled to call round and so often and be bothered about who you spend your time with.

woodchuck

Calling over to you almost every day? Ringing you if you're not there? Sounds a little creepy tbh

I think you need to try to take a step back from him. When he calls over, tell him you're busy. Don't let him do DIY for you anymore - do it yourself or a call a professional.

I don't know what he's playing at to be honest. Maybe he's just afraid to get involved with you romantically. Is he really the type of person you'd want to be in a relationship with? If he's like this when you're just friends, imagine how intense he'd be in an actual relationship...