something beyond despair

dustyredrose

I turned 22 in march, my health issues mean i have absolutley no quality of life. All i ever had to cling onto in my life was a strong work ethic and was going into a career i enjoyed i always paved my own way even through extreme neglect and mistreatment as a young girl and because of my health thats gone to **** now. I've had major surgery, i am always in pain, i have no quality of life and absolutley no support no family, no-one anymore. Because of my health decline i had to move home for the first time since i was 15-16 im an only child in the middle of nowhere with physically and mentally ill parents who have no-one. I cannot even begin to explain the extent of my health problems and their complications and consequences. All i am going to do is deteriorate. I lost my baby in 2016 lost any thing ive ever had which has never been much. My ex left me in december, and i get it, who would want to be burdened with this? every moment of every day is a waking and sleeping nightmare. Every aspect of my life is like some kind of weird nightmare. The extreme trauma that has been in my life i wouldnt even begin to know how to explain to people, i dont know why im posting this. What i have is degenerative and wont ever get better, i havent even eaten solid food for 3 and a half years. There is no point to me posting this. I hate myself always have hated myself always have had a feeling of doom and i guess this is what it was. Im 22 and i can barely walk or stand. No words in any language could ever express what im trying to say, people would only believe the full extent of how hopeless things are if they were here and could see this.



I hope you all arent taking for granted all the wonderful things in your life, although most people arent even aware that they are even things.... And i suppose they arent, i just dont have the basic functionings of normal life.

Xterminator

Hi OP

there are some links in the sticky thread, but ill repost them here.

Please please reach out for help. Make the call. You sound like you have little to lose, so call the samaritans today. Even strangers on the internet care. You are sensitive precious & intelligent.






Samaritans Ireland - (116 123) - 24 hour support organisation for anybody going through a difficult period of their life. You can also contact your local branch of Samaritans.

GROW - (1890 474 474) - mental health organisation which helps people who have suffered, or are suffering, from mental health problems. Grow also hold regular meetings throughout Ireland.

GROW Young Adult - resources specifically to help the needs of young adults.

Aware - (1890 303 302) - service for people who experience depression and concerned family and friends of those suffering from depression.

Shine - national organisation dedicated to upholding the rights and addressing the needs of all those affected by mental ill health.

Pieta House - Suicide and Self Harm Crisis Centre, providing services for those who are in suicidal distress and those who engage in self-harm. Contact information for your local Pieta House can be found here.

Mental Health Ireland - Information Service on issues relating to mental health and mental illness.

IACP - Irish Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy. Provides services to help you to find a therapist in your area.

(help for those under 18 years of age)

ReachOut - services aimed towards providing mental health information to help young people get through tough times.

Childline Ireland - (1800 66 66 66) - free and confidential support organisation for anybody under 18. They provide telephone, SMS and online chat services with those who can help.

Teenline - (1800 83 33 64) - freephone helpline for young adults.

Neyite

Dusty, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Unfortunately posters can't give any medical advice and I suspect that any internet advice that could be given would fall so far short of the professional help you need right now.

Can you call Samaritans and your GP to get referrals?

LolaJJ

Hey OP,

It sounds like you have a lot to endure and not very many positives to cling to. You say you have always had a strong drive and work ethic.

If you are physically challenged, is there any way you could do something remotely or internet based?

Obviously, I have no idea what type of work you do but there are a lot of opportunities for people online (eg: freelancer.com) There are also online courses. At least that might distract you from what's going on in your immediate vicinity and also give you an outlet or could be motivational?

lulu1

I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad as I know only too well what it's like to live with a progressive illness. is there no online forums where you could chat to people who are living with the same condition as yourself.

Maybe you could contact your local public health nurse and get some help for your parents.

It's not fair that you should have to cope with looking after them when you have major health problems of your own

Emme

lulu1 wrote: »

I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad as I know only too well what it's like to live with a progressive illness. is there no online forums where you could chat to people who are living with the same condition as yourself.

Maybe you could contact your local public health nurse and get some help for your parents.

It's not fair that you should have to cope with looking after them when you have major health problems of your own

Why should the OP be looking out for her parents? It's the OP who needs help and I gather her parents didn't give her much help growing up. In my experience (I am also an only child with sick parents but thankfully my health is good) the public health nurse does nothing unless people are too incapacitated to move. And then they do the bare minimum.

The OP should do her best to try and move elsewhere if at all possible. Otherwise she is going to be left to look after her parents - public health nurses and other HSE bodies don't care how ill an adult child of needy parents is (particularly a daughter) as long as they are not completely incapacitated. Once they can drag themselves around they are expected to care for the elderly parents no matter what the cost to their own health.

I don't know how to advise the OP as regards getting help because there is very little out there. If she has a good GP it would be a start. She needs practical hands on help from somewhere, not just empty words from a counselling service. However she does need to find some way to get mentally strong enough to work towards getting out of where she is.

Degenerative illnesses often have a root in traumatic childhoods - the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk portrays this very well.

lulu1

Emme wrote: »

Why should the OP be looking out for her parents? It's the OP who needs help and I gather her parents didn't give her much help growing up. In my experience (I am also an only child with sick parents but thankfully my health is good) the public health nurse does nothing unless people are too incapacitated to move. And then they do the bare minimum.

The OP should do her best to try and move elsewhere if at all possible. Otherwise she is going to be left to look after her parents - public health nurses and other HSE bodies don't care how ill an adult child of needy parents is (particularly a daughter) as long as they are not completely incapacitated. Once they can drag themselves around they are expected to care for the elderly parents no matter what the cost to their own health.

I don't know how to advise the OP as regards getting help because there is very little out there. If she has a good GP it would be a start. She needs practical hands on help from somewhere, not just empty words from a counselling service. However she does need to find some way to get mentally strong enough to work towards getting out of where she is.

Degenerative illnesses often have a root in traumatic childhoods - the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk portrays this very well.

Yes what i meant was to look into getting help for her parents so she would have more time to look after her own health

Emme

lulu1 wrote: »

Yes what i meant was to look into getting help for her parents so she would have more time to look after her own health

From my experience it is very difficult and draining to get help for elderly parents, particularly if you are an only child with no help. It has worn me down completely and I am in much better health than the OP. I am not exaggerating to say that the stress of trying to get help and dealing with reluctant district nurses and the HSE who want to dump everything on family could kill the OP. So she should look out for herself only.

Graces7

OP, praying, which I utterly believe in. Here for thee, pm or here. Hang on in there..

Creol1

I don't know enough about your situation to advise you but the fact that you have managed to go through so much shows you are a resilient person, and that is something to take pride in and that will stand to you.

Hoping things start looking up for you soon,

Creol1