Mass or Sympathy card.. ?

sporina

A friend lost her brother recently - I would like to send a card but I can't decide whether to send a mass or sympathy card..

1. I don't know if she and or her brother are/were religious. (I don't know her that well and I didn't know her brother (RIP)
2. I am not v religious - I would prefer myself to send a sympathy card.

But this is more about them than me - whats the rule of thumb if there is one?

Larbre34

Its not, its about reflecting your beliefs in your expression. Im not a mass attender since chilhood, id feel a hypocrite getting a mass said for someone in those circumstances

sporina

Larbre34 wrote: »

Its not, its about reflecting your beliefs in your expression. Im not a mass attender since chilhood, id feel a hypocrite getting a mass said for someone in those circumstances

yeah perhaps - I just wanna let her know that I am thinking of her and sympathize with her

Danny Donut

Yes, like Labre I'd feel like a hypocrite sending a mass card - but it wouldn't offend me in the least to recieve one.


People express themselves in their own way.


All the very best.

TomOnBoard

You can't go wrong with a sympathy card.

Ursus Horribilis

I'd go with the sympathy card. They (and mass cards) are mostly an expression of sympathy anyway. Besides, the families of dead people end up with so many cards, they're not going to be paying any particular notice to the card itself.

Addle

You could get a 'thinking of you' card.
Great selection of non religious sympathy cards in the likes of easons and m&s.
Or a 'blank for your own message' card.

Big Bag of Chips

A mass card is quite impersonal. If you want to let your friend know you are thinking of her, then a nice sympathy card with a personal message would be lovely.

I have sometimes given both, depending on the person.

BettePorter

I would definitely go with the personal sympathy card and write a personalised msg. Mass cards are so generic I find. They serve a purpose which for me is outdated. So unless your friend or her family are especially into their faith they'll find little comfort in a mass card. (This is purely based on recent personal experience ) I feel u read the mass cards and go ....'ah right'. But the personalised cards you think ....oh isn't that really nice.

Again it's purely dependant on what way the recipient or sender is inclined religiously. For me in either role...A sympathy card would always win out. For me, mass cards are the pro forma letters of funerals.

notsoyoungwan

I’m not a religious person myself and would personally place little value on Mass cards. But when I’m sending a card after a bereavement I consider what the recipient would want- if they’d get comfort from a mass card then I’d send one, but if they’re not particularly religious either then I’d go with a sympathy card. I think too that there’s plenty room for a personalized message on mass cards, so I don’t really get the point that sympathy cards are more personalized.

Big Bag of Chips

When I write a personal message, it's fairly long! Not just a "sorry for your troubles" few words. I would usually include a memory I have of the person, and how much I thought of them. How fondly the person will be remembered by very many people etc.

My close friend's husband died suddenly, very young. It took me a few days to actually word the card appropriately because saying things like "I'm so sorry, thinking of you" etc just didn't seem to fit the enormity of what had happened to her.

I put a lot of thought into the card and months later after the funeral I was talking to her and she said she it was such a beautiful message to get and it was a card she kept close to read occasionally.

You'll find the right words, and your friend will appreciate it.

sporina

Addle wrote: »

You could get a 'thinking of you' card.
Great selection of non religious sympathy cards in the likes of easons and m&s.
Or a 'blank for your own message' card.

i like that - even better...

yeah i go with blank cards for a lot of occasions but i won't on this occasion - either a thinking of you or sympathy card - will have a read of a few and see what suits..

I don't know her that well so won't go ott..

defo not a mass card anyway..

thanks a mill all for your input - ye have helped to to process this immensely

Ghekko

Agree with a sympathy card and write a few words. They will mean a lot during this crappy time for her.

sporina

Ghekko wrote: »

Agree with a sympathy card and write a few words. They will mean a lot during this crappy time for her.

thanks for that

sympathy card sent today

Big Bag of Chips

On that note we'll close the thread. It'll save people continuing to reply to you. All the best, sporina, your friend will appreciate the thought.