Ditched by friends at 30

Lapis Luzali

Hi everyone, sorry for the long post, just looking for some help or advice as this issue is really getting me down. I have allot of anxiety over it.

Ive never had many friends, im not overly social and it takes me time to get comfortable enough around people to really be myself. I do have other friends but theyre busy with life, babies, partners, work etc although we do meet up when we can.

2 of my oldest friends have, in the last 6 months, stopped making any contact with me and have rebuffed any attempt by me to make contact/meet up with them. These two have always been closer to each other than to me but I still considered us to be pretty close. Over the past 6 months ive had some big life changes, mostly for the better but some for the worst, its been a roller coaster of a year for me and they havnt been there for any of it.

We had no argument or anything that I can think of, infact the last time we did meet up everything was great, one of them moved to Westport for a new job but regularly comes back home, we were making plans to go visit etc and they even brought up that we should go somewhere in the summer for a few days as we did last year.
I met up with the other friend the following week, we went for lunch and spent the day together, as I was about to leave she made plans with me for the coming Saturday.. that we'd make a day of it then go for pints. She even paid for my lunch, I offered to pay but she insisted and when she went to pay with her card she took for two, I had the money in my hand to pay. I said thank you and told her id get it next time.
The following Saturday I didnt hear from her, didnt think too much about it. The following week I text her asking was she free any day for lunch? on me of course. She responded with a random meme unrelated to the question.. I asked her was that a yes or a no but she didnt respond. Over the next few weeks I received messages from her but if i replied she would ignore my response, not write back, wouldnt get into conversation with me etc and ignored any attempt I made to meet up with her. I eventually stopped initiating contact/asking her to meet up yet I continued to receive random closed ended messages from her which have now stopped.

The other friend who moved away kept in contact with me through messenger and whatsapp quite regularly but this also stopped a few months ago, any attempt ive made to contact her has been met with one answer responses, she then says shes busy and has to go. I mentioned it to her about our other friend and said she's been off with me but she said she didnt know why and left it at that. I sensed a bit of agitation from her so didnt probe any further.
I also found out shes been home the last week but never contacted me. Theyve been hanging out etc.

I dont know what happened and its really getting me down. Im feeling very hurt over this.

lisasimpson

Unfortunately it happens to all of us. I had a good friend and all of a sudden ghosted me to. She had told me to book days off for her wedding which was a thursday. I was the one she asked for help organising his 30th etc....then suddenly a few months before the wedding gone..i bump into her husband a bit which i find awkward coz he will always speak to me

lurker2000

Hi OP - sorry to hear about your upset. It would seem you are wracking your brain to find a reason why this friend has suddenly stopped contacting you, but from the details you have given, it sounds like you did nothing to warrant her sudden coolness. Sadly, for whatever reason, it seems she has made the decision to close the door on your friendship. You have the option of tackling this head on with her which may prove awkward or just make the decision to move on yourself. Its a pity your other friend has relocated as this does naturally place a barrier between you. Unfortunately this type of thing is quite common, it has happened to me too but don't let it drag you down and affect your self esteem, you sound like a nice decent warmhearted type. All may not be lost on these friendships, they may well be renewed in the future. But don't sit around waiting for that to happen. You need to look elsewhere for new interests and activities to fill the void these friends have left, there's a big world out there waiting to be enjoyed. Good luck

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Limestone1

Could be the money thing. Did the others regularly pick up the tab ? Did you offer to pay for her lunch or your own. When you go for pints are you usually first to the bar or last ?
Sounds like whatever the reason, they both had discussed it so maybe whatever happened was 'the last straw'.
If you are careful with your money you may not be aware that others seeming endless generosity is not something they do without noticing whether it's reciprocated or not. Could have been bothering them for a while . Could she be expecting you to have picked up that last tab because it was your turn ?

ASISEEIT

A lot of people -actually most people are cowards. Something happened but rather than allow you natural justice they have got up on a high horse. My advice- ask directly what happened. Whats gone wrong? If they reply and tell you deal with it. If they dont just issue a general apology and stop contacting them. They will come round eventually but dont bombard them with texts. They might want space and time is a healer. Like most Irish people they are passive aggressive and find it hard to deal with conflict.

Lapis Luzali

Thanks for the replies. Im just going to leave it, I made the effort and she made herself clear that shes not interested in continuing the friendship so ill leave it there. It hurts but if thats how she wants it, thats fine.
Ive ran into some people she knows over the past few weeks and its been really awkward, I get a vibe like shes been talking about me/spreading sh!t. One encounter with someone she knows really led me to believe this (I wont go into detail here) but it wouldn't be beneath her to do something like that, ive encountered her talking about friends before, using people etc.
@Limestone - She does but it's always reciprocated. Anytime we've gone for drinks ive always bought her a few pints and when she was stuck for money ive paid for her nights out on a number of occasions. She came to live with me for two months, rent free a couple of years ago when she had nowhere else to go. I dont have much money but im generous enough, I wouldnt be tight.
I just didn't have change that day and insisted id pay but she went up with her card anyway. In the message I sent her about going for lunch I said it was on me. Anyway im not spending my time thinking about it. Its their problem, these things happen and life goes on.