Should I let it go

Fifi87

I was seeing a lovely decent guy for four months. Five days ago he ghosted me..blocked me on all social media apps after a big row. I am so upset that he reacted that way. The last message I sent to him may have been interpreted as a break up. I would love to try contact him but I dont know what to do. He blocked me. I live in Dublin and he lives in Cork so its not like I can run into him on the streets. Do I leave him be or try attempt to contact him somehow just for closure? I would never dream of contacting someone who had blocked me but I did overreact in anger and regret that now...possibly too late?

beertons

Leave it. Take your last message to him as closure, and move on.

you say he ghosted you before going on to describe very much another reality, hard to advise tbh

Fifi87

We had a row then he blocked me

Wheety

Send a text if you really want. But before that think if the row was something that will come up again and again.

You're blaming your self now because you miss him. Was it really an overreaction or would you react like that again?

Fifi87

It is something that would come up again
I would have to call him somehow as am blocked from texting by him.
Yes I did overreact.
But I also feel that him blocking me and not trying to sort it out was an overreaction and childish

Xterminator

Hi Op

if you read threads here on boards one of the common pieces of advice is to block your ex after you break up on all forms of social media and mobile etc. It is often to protect oneself, from the creeping temptation to see how your ex is a getting on, who they are with etc. and to prevent the drunken text etc.

now there is no way of knowing if thats the case here, but the point im making is perhaps your now ex has done this not to be childish or get back at you, but to help himself deal with the break up an move on.

you are attributing it to ghosting, but it might not be that at all.

If you are wondering about unfinished business you could write a letter expressing your feelings & if you hear nothing back, you know he doesn't want to talk.

skallywag

You sent him a message in the heat of the moment effectively telling him that it was over, and you now think that he is overreacting and being childish by wanting nothing more to do with you.

I believe that you may need to take a long look at the bed which you have made for yourself the next time before you lie in it. I know that sounds very harsh, but you cannot go around sending such dramatic messages and then simply branding the other party childish when they refuse to just brush it over.

Franz Von Peppercorn

Call him if you want another go at this, however you are likely to row again if you don’t solve the underlying issues.

NobleBlack

Op.....

At times, there re things/issues we (matured people who is ready for a relationship) suppose to talk out and probably find a solution to it and forge ahead.

In this case....I would ask you, what was the reason for him to act such way? Did you offend him?.... If you re not sure of his reasons to act such way, then you have to try and reach him,ask him what's the problem, If you offended him in anyway, if he says yes you offended him, then ask him to forgive you that it wasn't intentional.

If he forgives you...fine
But if he refuses to forgive you,then let him be,you have played your part.

NOTE: when someone truly cares about you, they make an effort not an excuse

Your man should have make an effort to sort out the issue than putting up such attitude.

homerjay2005

Fifi87 wrote: »

It is something that would come up again
I would have to call him somehow as am blocked from texting by him.
Yes I did overreact.
But I also feel that him blocking me and not trying to sort it out was an overreaction and childish

have you apologised to him at all?

dont think you can blame him really when as you said, it appears you sent him a breakup text. you not think he is reacting to your over reaction and chilish behavior?

wiggle16

Hi OP

That's not ghosting. Ghosting is where things are going fine between two people and suddenly contact stops, with no explanation, as if the other person fell of the face of the Earth. That's why it's called ghosting. Suddenly they're gone and you have no idea why.

You weren't ghosted. You had what sounds like a nasty row and you broke up with him, and whether he was right or he was wrong he decided he'd had enough and blocked you. Calling it ghosting might make him sound like the bad guy, but you weren't ghosted.

Look at it what you're saying, OP. You want to contact him, but you're pretty eager to point out that he is at fault, because you also maintain that:
- he "could have" interpreted your last message as a break up;
- blocking you was an overreaction and is childish;
- that he's ghosting you.

Being honest OP, in his shoes I would not want to be contacted by someone for "closure" if the above was how they felt about the situation. "Closure" is where you talk about what happened and how you feel about it - he is not going to want to hear any of the above.

I think you should let it go. He has blocked you, so therefore he does not want to communicate with you. I don't doubt you are hurt and you regret what has happened, but sometimes you just have to let these things go.

Fifi87

I have just discovered he has a new girlfriend...pretty quick work....I will draw my own conclusions there....

Fifi87

I did not contact him..a friend told me...I imagine there was an overlap...maybe not but there you go

Fifi87

Fifi87 wrote: »

I did not contact him..a friend told me...I imagine there was an overlap...maybe not but there you go

Maybe you’d have lived happily ever after if you hadn’t overreacted and sent him a ‘breaking up with you’ message.

Maybe not but there you go.

What he does now, with whom and when is none of your business.

Harsh but true. Rein in your temper next time.

Fifi87

The row had started over him becoming distant and me wondering if he was cheating so I would imagine she was on the scene while I still was with him but that doesnt matter...I have discovered I am pregnant though so its a whole new issue I will have to deal with alone

Katgurl

Sorry op I had meant to respond earlier as I've found myself in this sort of situation a couple of times; I regretted my reaction to something then get caught up in wanting to fix that. Without exception though my instincts have been right. It seems they were here for you too.

You must be pretty gutted but at least now you don't have to wonder is there anything you can do to salvage it.

Katgurl

I don't know how I missed the pregnancy update.

Are you ok? Congratulations. How are you feeling?

Fifi87

Thanks..mostly feeling numb,raw and sick..always imagined finding out I was pregnant would be one of those happy moments in life...

LegacyUser

Fifi87 wrote: »

Thanks..mostly feeling numb,raw and sick..always imagined finding out I was pregnant would be one of those happy moments in life...

What a combination of circumstances, Fifi. You must be feeling upside down. I’m joining in here because I wanted to counter some nasty remark above about how if you hadn’t had a row with this guy everything might still be fine and suggesting it’s your fault. I thought that was not just judgemental and unhelpful but on the face of it just plain wrong too. Sounds to me like he wanted out and didn’t have the integrity and backbone to talk honestly to you about it. He became distant which is an unkind way of provoking a break up. He is no loss to you as a partner.
The important thing is looking after yourself now. Can you find some kind and supportive people to help you get through this?

Fifi87

Yes I would have friends and family to support me but at the moment I dont feel like talking to them about it as I still am in shock myself and need to figure out exactly how I am going to deal with things. Yes I think he did try to distance hinself knowing it would lead to a row and give him the opportunity to cut contact.

Cash_Q

Fifi77 firstly congratulations on your pregnancy. This changes everything. He may have blocked *you* but now there's a child involved he may be more mature about keeping communication lines open. What he did was hurtful and childish but he has a right to know about the pregnancy. Hopefully he reacts in a supportive way but if he doesn't at least you'll know you tried to keep him involved. The fact he has moved on/may have been cheating is also awful but again his wishes may change now that you're pregnant. Not to say you should welcome him back with open arms but he might want to avoid a new relationship now. You'll be tested for STIs at your booking appointment with your maternity hospital but it might be worth getting checked sooner seeing as you believe he may have cheated. Best of luck with it all.

heretothere

It does sound a bit like things blew up out of proportion on both sides. Maybe he wasn't cheating, he might have liked a girl but had no intentions on acting. The fight happened and he said F this and has rebounded very quickly.

Have you decided if you would like to keep the baby? If so you need to find a way to contact him, and soon. He does deserve to know that he has a child on the way. Whilst other have said don't expect him to come running back and if he does ye need to sort things out. He does deserve to know.