Never had a GF at 30

LegacyUser

NOTE: Sorry this turned out to be way longer then I thought it would be.
TD;DR: Never had a girlfriend but have plenty of female friends.

I'm a 30 year old guy and while I think I've had a normal enough life for someone of my age there is something that is quite unusable for someone of my age I've never had a girlfriend (well discounting the one I had for 3 weeks while I was 12/13). I've had family and friends question me why I'm single, one friend asked if I was gay because "I always see you hanging around with girls but never with girls", my father implied I was also gay because I never brought a girl home and my older sisters always ask me about my love life which is frustrating as there is nothing to tell.

I've never had any issues making friends or interacting with people while playing sport, travelling, going to meetups or any social interactions.

I've never been a fan of clubs/bars type of way of meeting girls mainly because I don't really drink too which one of my friends said to me I need to stop playing life in hard mode and to just get drunk like the rest of them but I don't like being drunk. Because of this I've had to find another ways of meeting girls so at social events / meetups / language exchanges but I always make friends first with girls I like and then I cannot move from just being friends.
As for online dating I've never had any real success with that as anytime I get a match or a reply the conversation goes nowhere. I actually had more success with Tinder while travelling then I ever had here but that was mainly down to the girls wanting to practice their English with me.

While I've been called boring by some people who consider getting wasted every weekend in the same bar with the same people as living life on the edge but thankfully I don't rate their opinion very highly. I'm always doing adventure sports, travelling (just back after a few months solo travelling in SA), playing team sports (captaining some of the teams), going to meetups.


So now that I've given a background on myself now I can start on the story of three girls A, B and C.

Girl A: Met at a social group, she found me on FB the next day and we started texting from there. I invited her to this adventure thing I was doing but she didn't want to do it but she said "let’s try and find something as cool as this to do" so I found something else and while she was keen she then invited her friends along too (bad sign) but luckily enough none of them wanted to go. So it was just the two of us, we spent the whole day together and it was great I've never found it so easy to talk to a girl. After this I think I put her up on a pedestal. I invited her out a few times to adventure things I was doing but she wasn't up for it but then I was going surfing and she really wanted to go. This time her friends wanted to go and while they all had a great weekend but I hated it. I felt like I was just the driver despite them being very nice and inclusive. She enjoyed it so much she starting going by herself (with no invite for me) but a few months later she said we must go again but this time it was a big group of her work colleagues. I knew I shouldn't go but I went anyway and again everyone was very inviting and friendly but like last time I hated it. Especially since she was very couplely with one of the guys on the trip and I had a horrible view of them sleeping on each other on the bus home for 3 hours. She even told me I should grow out my hair (like him) if I ever wanted a Spanish speaking girl (like her) anyway I was pretty down after that trip actually most times after being with her I felt pretty crap about myself. We didn't see much of each other after that and then she decided to go back home. So I went off travelling shortly after she left and when I was at the end of my trip and looking for a return flight home, she text me asking if I'd make it to her country. I priced it and it was the cheapest way home and I'd get another country in on the way home. Met up 3 times while I was there, 1st we spent the whole day together just talking, 2nd she invited me to go to dinner on a really fancy rooftop terrace (she paid for me too) and the 3rd we went to two house parties of her friends. Nothing happened and I felt pretty crap when leaving as all my feelings came back as I really enjoyed hanging around with her. Probably the girl I've most been hung up on as she checked so many of the boxes in my imaginary ideal girl list.


Girl B: Met her through a friend of friend. Unlike Girl A she is very different from me and a small bit crazy but in a good way. I never put up on the pedestal like I did with Girl A as when original met I seen her making out with another dude she started seeing another guy while I was off travelling but they broke up before I got home. But since I’ve gotten home I’ve been a bit confused as to where I stand with her.

When I got home I organised a group of us to go away for the weekend and on the Saturday night when we are in a bar she comes up to me and asks if I wanted to ditch our friends and go for a walk. So we ended up going down to the beach, looking at the waves and stars and just talked about life. We were out together with our mutual friends a few days ago and her best friend (also a good friend of mine) asked me in front of the group when I was going to get married with her.

When we are hanging around with each other we make fun of each other and are very touchy feely as she’ll either be locking arms with me or resting head on my shoulder, she’ll be signing a song then she’ll grab my hand getting me to dance with her or generally just touching each other a lot in a conversation.

She said she really missed me while I was away and she sent me a text today saying she is going to miss me this week as she has gone back home. She is a massive flirt but I don’t know if she is just being friendly with me or is there something more.


Girl C: Met at a language exchange before I went off travelling. She was texting me none stop I actually thought it was a bit too much nearly but I invited out with me and my friends one night and we ended up getting together. I told her then that I didn’t want anything as I was going away travelling which she was cool with. She started telling me she really liked me but for me it wasn’t that way liked when we kissed the 1st time I didn’t feel any sort of high that I normally get with girls. Then her friend (who I also know as well) started quizzing me on her saying he knew everything and that she really liked me and she was upset that I was leaving. She is now hanging around with a few of my friends and we were out the other night and as horrible as this sounds I wasn’t attracted to her at all anymore. One of my good female friends was giving out to me for it saying she is smart, attractive, friendly girl and why am I so picky. The last girl I even kissed before her was 18 months ago and before that it would have been the 2 year mark.


So I seem to be able to get close to girls but I end up just becoming friends with them and nothing more. With Girl C it seems she was more into me than I was into her which I think helped matters.

So I'm getting older now where a lot of my school / university friends are started to get married and to have kids and here I am still trying to figure out how to get with girls.

Katgurl

Forget about Girl A, there's nothing there.

Pursue Girl B, ask her out on a date and make it clear it's a date. Make a move on her. Then you will know where you stand.

Stay away from Girl C for a while. She likes you, it's unrequited so better to not lead her on. It doesn't matter what your friend says, you're under no obligation to be into someone.

Rekop dog

I'm pretty sure the 2nd girl didn't drag you away from the group and go off alone if she wasn't into it. Why didn't you make a move then? It's probably why you're ending up in friend zones if you use clear opportunities like that to talk all night instead of trying it on. What message do you think that's sending to her? Inexperienced guys always worry about coming across creepy or like a sleaze but you have the be able to recognise the appropriate moments to go for it and imo that was very much 3 green lights.

silverharp

I'd agree with Rekop, you obviously have stuff going for you if you are getting attention from these women, you are just afraid to take any risks. Without reverting to clichés but you need to get out of the passenger seat of your life and get into the driving seat, you're strong minded enough to do your own thing and I'd imagine a lot of women would respect those kind of qualities in a man and are probably more roll eyes with your mates who are getting wasted every weekend. You just need to get used to the idea that you are worthy of having relationships and assuming you have a reasonable job and the rest of your life isn't chaotic you should be the one looking for quality potential partners. Also age wise you aren't even near your peak and while one's early 20's can be awkward for a lot of men the odds are rolling in your favour now, there being a shortage of "good men" and all

Virgil°

Yeah girl B is the way forward here OP. Message her today. Arrange to meet her when shes back. Make it very clear in your message that its a date. The next time she gets "touchy feely" with you try to kiss her.

Judging by what you've said i'd bet money this approach will work. But you have to be the one to do it OP none of us here can pull the trigger for you. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

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LegacyUser

I also thought that I might go somewhere once we got down to the beach but the conversation we had was very serious and it didn't seem like a good time added to the fact she wasn't facing me or looking at all. Maybe I'm making excuses but it didn't feel right.

One big thing I left out (as I wanted to focus my failings) was that she is leaving here in a month and then going travelling for two months before moving to another country. But she knows I'm not happy here and wants me to come and join here in that new country. She was actually texting me today trying to convince me to join her.

While it's something I am giving serious thought for other reasons than her I do think it would be a mistake to follow her there but I guess I can just go to another city.

lulu1

Girl 2 is the girl for you .She couldn't have made it more obvious that she wanted to be more than just friends. You say the time wasn't right and she wasn't looking at you do you think anything would have happened if she had been looking at you?. I d'ont think so

Op you are going to have to make a move. The moment is gone with this girl but why don't you text her and ask her out and there could be another moment if your lucky