wedding invite

kodaline78

Hi All,

I have received an evening invite to attend a friend's wedding for this saturday. I informed him a few weeks ago that I would be attending. However over the last few days I Have been thinking of not going. One of the reasons is that I overlooked to book accommodation on time and now there is limited availability for Saturday night, and what is available is quite expensive The wedding venue is approx a two hour drive from where I live and I don't drink alcohol so I could drive to the wedding and drive home afterwards. Another reason is that I am single at the moment and don't fancy going to the wedding on my own. Also there is a family dinner on Saturday night which I would like to attend. My brother thinks it would be okay to change my mind. Just wondering what people 's view of it here think. Thanks in advance

never_mind

It depends on a few things like how close you are to the friend and if you have been invited to the full wedding or the afters. If it's the afters only a simple text would suffice to say you can't go. If you are going to the meal then you should make the effort and go to the wedding and excuse yourself early to drive home (you can make an excuse). If you really, really don't want to go then I would contact your friend by phone and say that you are extremely sorry but that you are a bit unwell at the min and won't be making it... be sure, however, to send on a card with a gift to cover your meal and a little note on it saying sorry.

KrustyUCC

Your friend might be quite hurt if you bail on the wedding last minute just to go to a family dinner

You don't drink so what not go to the wedding, see what's the craic and you can leave whenever you want

Being single at a wedding is no big deal and there is always other single people there in my experience

However if you decide not to go best to inform him asap

Purple Mountain

I see it totally different.
You only got an evening invite yet you live 2 hours away.
I've never heard of a b and g expecting someone to come a 2 hour trip just for the evening afters.
You weren't high up enough on their priority list to be worried about not attending imo.
Send a text today saying sorry, it's clashing with a family dinner and you wish them a great day bla bla.

stargazer 68

It's an evening invite so just say you can't make it.

kodaline78

Hi I should have clarified its an After Wedding invite for 9pm .

Purple Mountain

KrustyUCC wrote: »

You don't drink so what not go to the wedding, see what's the craic and you can leave whenever you want

Do a 4 hour round trip just to see what the craic is?

pc7

kodaline78 wrote: »

Hi I should have clarified its an After Wedding invite for 9pm .

Then absolutely fine not to go, they won't even notice. If you were cancelling at this short notice for a sit down meal I'd say suck it up as they'd likely be charged, but hell no, go have the family meal.

never_mind

kodaline78 wrote: »

Hi I should have clarified its an After Wedding invite for 9pm .

OH F that - don't bother, don't send a card and just say you can't make it.

Recliner

TBH..if it's a relatively big wedding they probably won't even notice if you're not there. Whenever you meet again make your apologies.
Or even better, send him a msg a day or 2 before making your excuses and wishing him all the best.
I don't think I'd be inclined to make a 4 hour journey anyway for an evening invite, and I couldn't see people going to the expense of accommodation for one either. I certainly wouldn't expect people to do so if it was my wedding.

KrustyUCC

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Do a 4 hour round trip just to see what the craic is?

Sure for me anyway

The OP would have known what the trip was before saying Yes

In my experience the groom will know the OP has said Yes weeks ago

He will have paid for a meal as in finger food etc

Couples are conscious of whos coming to the afters

The wedding is this Saturday so getting 2 days notice is bad form for me

The OP seems to be worried about being single

I know of lots of cases where 1 wedding creates new relationships even with people who go to the afters

Go with an open mind of having fun and see whats happens

bee06

KrustyUCC wrote: »

Couples are conscious of whos coming to the afters

Are they? We didn’t even ask for rsvps for afters invites. OP, just say something came up and unfortunately you can’t go.

KrustyUCC

I can only give my experience but yes the ones I have gone to have been

They knew who was going and made sure to make time for the evening guests

Each to their own though

My opionion seems to be in the minority which is fair enough

heretothere

You don't have to go. I'm inviting neighbours etc to the afters of my wedding I honestly don't think I'll notice who does or does not come. With regards to finger food, most venues serve for half the numbers who sat for dinner.

The_Honeybadger

kodaline78 wrote: »

Hi I should have clarified its an After Wedding invite for 9pm .

Quick text to say you can’t make it is all that is needed in that case

Bruisedego

Don't go op.
I went to 2 full weddings on my own. Good friends with the couples (different counties) but I didn't know others there.
At 1, a couple took pity on me and chatted a bit, people were too busy catching up - the others there all knew each other. Other I left after church.
I hated every minute of them. I havent felt as uncomfortable for years. I smiled and tried to make an effort, I got through the day, left after dinner. I will NEVER do that again for anybody.
A card with a heartfelt message & a small present is more than enough.

Ursus Horribilis

Have you never heard of the afters of a wedding being referred to as "The Insults"? The nickname is a bit jokey but there's more than a grain of truth in it. Unless this guy opted to have a small wedding attended only by close relatives and friends, it begs the question of how he views you. Are you a friend? A friendly acquaintance? A drinking buddy? I certainly wouldn't waste the time and fuel driving 4 hours to the afters of a wedding. I'd be wondering if your friend even thought you'd go to the afters seeing as you're so far away in the first place. Unless you like hanging around drunk people and listening to bad wedding bands, I'd give it a skip. It's not going to make any difference to your friend anyway. By the time the afters comes along he'll be worn out from the day he has been through and from talking to everyone. Just send him a text to say you can't make it, wish him well for the day and that you'll see him soon. Job done .

stargazer 68

Lol the insults! We always knew it as the plate lickers ball

heretothere

Dovies wrote: »

Lol the insults! We always knew it as the plate lickers ball

And it's sh!t€ like that, that puts pressure on people getting married! I have an enormous family. What's wrong with inviting the neighbours and my work colleagues to the afters. No I cannot afford to feed them all, simple as that! But would I like to invite them to one of the most important events of my life yes. If that isn't good enough don't come.

GingerLily

heretothere wrote: »

Dovies wrote: »

Lol the insults! We always knew it as the plate lickers ball

And it's sh!t€ like that, that puts pressure on people getting married! I have an enormous family. What's wrong with inviting the neighbours and my work colleagues to the afters. No I cannot afford to feed them all, simple as that! But would I like to invite them to one of the most important events of my life yes. If that isn't good enough don't come.

But they've missed the wedding, they've missed the speeches, they've missed most of the day alreadym

bee06

GingerLily wrote: »

But they've missed the wedding, they've missed the speeches, they've missed most of the day alreadym

A lot of people would be delighted with that. No present needed and you’re there for the piss up. We invited all my younger cousins to the afters only because I knew they had no interest in the full thing.

Ghekko

I wouldn't go to the afters given it's so far away. Text or ring him to say you can't make it after all - no explanation needed - and wish them all the best.

kodaline78

Hi All,

I contacted my friend last night and informed him I wasn't going. He had no issues with and i wished him all the best.