Initiating awkward sex conversation with bf

LegacyUser

Hello boardsies,

Ive seen many people receive excellent advice on here, and im hoping that you all can offer me some too.
I've (31) been seeing my bf (30) for a year now, and despite some early teething troubles its going well. I love him very much. but issues in the bedroom are causing friction.
Its both of our first relationships, and he was a virgin when we met.
A combination of inexperience, and unwillingness to discuss have led to many attempts at sex to fail. 9/10 times he just can't finish, and will just lose his erection. I've tried in the past to discuss it, but he brushes it off. Im just looking for advice from any of ye who may have had this happen to you, or had similar frustrations. What is the best way to broach this subject properly and openly? I really want to get past this so we can both have a satisfying sex life.

heretothere

He probably doesn't have a clue what he is into which is totally understandable. Maybe try and find out what he is into? More foreplay perhaps build up the tension ;-)

osarusan

Are you having sex but he is unable to finish (orgasm) or are you not managing to have sex at all?

LolaJJ

I’ve had a few sexual partners and was completely thrown when i met a guy who was inexperienced and nervous about sex which made the whole thing pretty awkward and honestly bad. I liked him, so persevered and hit the jackpot when I figured out that unlike other guys I’d been with previously who constantly tried to push my sexual boundaries and see what I was up for, he was the opposite.

I found that by being the more dominant player in the bedroom and introducing new positons and angles with a bit of confidence he got really turned on and eventually came out of his shell (pardon the pun), it took a while but our sex life improved drastically in the long run

Mokuba

If he is watching a lot of porn then it's possible that is the issue.

Seeing as he was a virgin at 29/30, his only exposure to sex has been through a computer screen. He has trained his mind to only respond sexually to certain stimuli.

Try and get him to stop watching completely if that is the issue.

Danny Donut

I've recommended this in the past, so at the risk of being accused of spamming .

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Becoming-Orgasmic-sexual-personal-programme/dp/0749929138/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1526627780&sr=8-2-fkmr0&keywords=being+orgasmic#reader_0749929138

It was recommended by a GP. Aside from the obvious plumbing type bits there are several sections on communication - even broaching the topic.

I hope it helps.

leggo

Having open conversations about sex, even stuff that mightn't be working, is very healthy and shouldn't be something you fear. Just be sensitive and reassuring, like he's well aware that he's going limp so it won't be news to him, approach it from an angle that you're not complaining and you know it's not about you (it's almost definitely not) but you'd like to help him enjoy it more. Then go through that process together. It'll probably be quite fun and rewarding to do so in trying different things, as long as there's that comfort level and lack of expectation/pressure there, and it'll pay dividends for you both in that you'll know each other inside out (in ways that a lot of couples likely never get to do so) at the end of it.

Mr. Incognito

Absolutely +1 on the too much porn and skewed sexual imagary.

If you want to have a satisfying sex life you need to communicate and practice.

If I wanted to play doubles tennis I'd speak to my partner and we would work things out and communicate.

Sex is no different. People have taboos about it, especially in Ireland as we have no real sex education.