Flirting or overthinking?

LegacyUser

This has been playing on my mind alot, I'm very reclusive and suffer from bad social anxiety, i drink alot as a result

Long story short, i frequent a gaming place on weekends, slots, poker whatever. one of the employees was out that night with staff and then came back to play cards. she knows who i am and my name but we've never talked. anyway she asked if she could have a smoke so we went outside then she started telling me what a nice guy i am and asked if i wanted a hug, we hugged then continued smoking then she hugged me again and i cant remember exactly but im pretty sure she kissed me on the cheek the second time

Even though i was drunk i sort of froze up, if i was abit younger in college i would have made a move probably and i dont even know if shes single. inside she said to me she wanted to see some concert and i said just go if u want and she said i have nobody to go with. there were other people on the table so it wasnt anything personal i think. we continued playing and i ended up going home. After we came in from the smoke at one point she was walking behind me and put her hands on both my shoulders and started pulling me or whatever

I was in there the next night and waiting for a seat and she passed by me and in front of everyone sort of squeezed my shoulder as she walked past. After that me being a socially awkward eejit i just didn't interact with her anymore and we sort of continued on in a awkward way. A few weeks later i was drinking again and forwhatever reason my twisted mind works in, i decided to quit it for good because it was turning my mind to mush, that night i asked her outside and told her i wouldnt be coming in anymore but i didnt tell her the reason why which was so stupid now that i think of it. i said sorry to her if i ever acted rude to her when i was drunk then she asked me if i wanted a hug, from what i remember it was very brief and she must have thought i was hesitant, she asked me what changed and why i wasn't coming in anymore and i just goodbye and left

This is prolly a stupid post and im overplaying everything in my mind, i just want to make it clear ive been going there for years and ive never seen her or anyone else there flirting with customers, it's not that type of place. Anyway, giving up drink is probably best since i can barely comprehend basic human interaction anymore...

TheBoyConor

There is probably a bit of flirting in there but yes, you are also completely overthinking it in the extreme.

I still don't see what your question is though? What specifically are you looking for advice on?

Do you actually want to get with this girl or not? If yes, then continue to talk to her. If not, then just remain polite and friendly but don't encourage the flirting.

milli milli

Op it sounds like this girl likes you. Or at least likes you as a friend. I know it’s probably not easy with your anxiety but could you still go to that place without drinking? She seems interested, and it would be nice to see where that went.
When she said she wanted to go to that concert, it was the perfect opportunity for you to ask her out - in fact I’d say she was hoping you would.
Anyway it’s easy for me to say, go back, suss things out and ask her out. But you might have to build up to that. Anyway I wouldn’t give up your social night because of the drink. Be brave and see how things go.

JackTaylorFan

OP - if everything you say was true about the way she was acting then she was dropping hints about as subtle as bombs

I agree with the above poster, who said the concert thing was her way of trying to get you to take some initiative - i.e. - ask her out. Whether she wanted something romantic or just friendship, can't be certain, but it sounds like she was putting a fair bit of work just to get to know you a little.

sbsquarepants

My advice OP - take the money you save from not drinking and gambling and buy 2 tickets to the concert and ask her does she want to go with you. She clearly does (well did) but it might not stay that way forever, people move on quickly.

Sunflower 27

sbsquarepants wrote: »

My advice OP - take the money you save from not drinking and gambling and buy 2 tickets to the concert and ask her does she want to go with you. She clearly does (well did) but it might not stay that way forever, people move on quickly.

This is a super reply because whatever the outcome you have stepped out of your comfort zone and been proactive.

It would be good if you could look at the bigger picture here , i.e. the issue at hand within the context of your social anxiety.

It is time to address your confidence and self esteem issues. Doing so will change your life!

sbsquarepants

Sunflower 27 wrote: »

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It is time to address your confidence and self esteem issues. Doing so will change your life!

This, big time! You'll be surprised the kick you get from forcing yourself to do something that scares you like asking this girl out.

Drinking as a social lubricant is fine, in moderation - but that's the key word. A drink or two to calm your nerves grand, a bottle of vodka to hide behind - not so much!

leggo

Yeah OP, it sounds like she's into you and trying to make stuff happen. Do you have any way of contacting her like social media or her number? It's quite intimidating, building from nothing, to ask someone out to their face so text (and soon, the longer you leave it the weirder it gets) would probably be the easiest way for you if that's at all possible.

Social anxiety is a serious issue, but it's also widely spoken about and accepted these days. If it was me, I'd be like "Sorry I get this sometimes, that's why I might've came across as behaving oddly that night!" Then offer to pick up two tickets to the concert if she still has nobody to go with.

Arrival

God damn, man. What will it take for her to get a hint through to you lol? Go back and ask her out. And honestly, about your anxiety, I think it would genuinely be for the best to be completely open and honest with her about it. Ask her out first and if she says yes then you could simply explain things from your end, that you thought she may have been showing signs of interest but that part of you made you stall a lot in asking her out

I feel for you but you have to be able to laugh stuff like this off at the same time. This scene came to mind lol
https://goo.gl/images/HGpNVP

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies.

I found out she got married, and the guy she's married to works in the same place LOL. Now I know why he was acting so angrily towards me the following day, I had no idea . It also makes sense as to why things have gotten very awkward in there every time I cross her path.

I'll have to put it down to her just being a bit drunk or whatever, it's definitely not something I'll want to pursue and at least know I now so my head is much clearer.

Does anyone think her behavior was entirely inappropriate given her situation? Walls fall when you break that physical barrier and that's the way I felt. Given the replies on the thread I'm happy to see others can see that too, you mess with peoples minds!

Airyfairy12

sociallyawkardguy2 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

I found out she got married, and the guy she's married to works in the same place LOL. Now I know why he was acting so angrily towards me the following day, I had no idea . It also makes sense as to why things have gotten very awkward in there every time I cross her path.

I'll have to put it down to her just being a bit drunk or whatever, it's definitely not something I'll want to pursue and at least know I now so my head is much clearer.

Does anyone think her behavior was entirely inappropriate given her situation? Walls fall when you break that physical barrier and that's the way I felt. Given the replies on the thread I'm happy to see others can see that too, you mess with peoples minds!

So many men post here questioning whether or not a woman is flirting with them and generally it comes across as wishful thinking on they guys part and the woman just being friendly, in your case I don't think she could have dropped anymore hints if she tried. She was definitely flirting, even her husband noticed. It was entirely inappropriate on her part and you did nothing wrong.
I wouldnt put it down to her 'messing with peoples minds' I dont think people are generally that sinister, it just sounds like she either cheats on her husband, flirts when drunk or was looking for attention and you were the easy target. Dont take it to heart or over think it. It says nothing about you and everything about her.

sbsquarepants

sociallyawkardguy2 wrote: »

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I found out she got married, and the guy she's married to works in the same place LOL.

Shít!

Ah well - in the sage words of Dave Grohl -
"Then I'm done, done, on to the next one":D