How to tell my bf I want to take a job on Dubai?

Blondie1994

Hi, so I am in a tricky situation I’ve been offered a job to work in Dubai it is a 3yr contract good money tax free, accomadation payed for and I get to travel the world as I would be an air hostess for Emirates! I have just completed my degree in college, I had applied for this job before I met my bf and explained to him that I might get it and not be here for much longer but we continued on to see each other as he said he was willing to take the risk, I didn’t get the job but in March this yr I was told there Recruitment had reopened and I had been offered the the job and when could I move to Dubai I accepted the offer straight away as I was so suprised and didn’t really know what to do! I’ve been with my bf for nearly 2yrs I’m 23 he’s 24. I don’t know how to tell him that I really want to take the job but I also want him to move to Dubai with me. I had planned to tell him at the end of the week when my college exams are over but he just told me this week that his dad put a bid in for an apartment in Dublin for him! He had told me his dad was going to buy him an apartment here but I didn’t think it would happend this fast! I’m so worried that he won’t want to move with me as I know it’s a very big expectation but I also want him in my life and I want this job as I see it as an opportunity to just live my life care free for 3 yrs and then comeback and work with my degree. What should I do and how should I approach the conversation with him! Btw he’s a golfer and is doing a degree so he can teach golf so I do feel Dubai would be a good career opportunity for him too as it holds a lot of major golfing events! He is really happy in Ireland where he is working and because I love him so much I want him to be happy and terrified of the prospect of him working in Dubai and hating it!

Diablo Verde

Well, honesty is the best policy. Tell him you’ve been offered the job and decided to take it. Tell him you want him to go with you and see how he feels.

I’d tell him sooner rather than later too, as his choice might be restricted if he ends up with an apartment here.

stargazer 68

Take the job. You will regret it in the long run if you don't give it a go. He can't just move with you though. He can enter on a visit visa but that's only valid for 90 days - from my recollection.

Where will he live? Can't live with you as your accommodation will be provided and will be shared with other crew. Has he enough money to last him until he finds a job? Has he any qualifications that will make him attractive to prospective employers? Just a few things off the top of my head but my opening line still stands.

Pelvis

Asking him to move with you sounds like a terrible idea, what would he do there?? You won't be there much once you finish your training.

silverharp

I don't think you can have your cake and eat it on this one, taking the job means its pretty much over for the 2 of you.

Ursus Horribilis

She posted recently about checking his phone and that he was looking up escorts on it. Methinks the relationship is dead and that she'd be better off taking this job.

beertons

Tell him straight out you applied for the job before you met him. Simples.

GingerLily

silverharp wrote: »

I don't think you can have your cake and eat it on this one, taking the job means its pretty much over for the 2 of you.

I don't agree, people do survive long distances, 3 years isn't that long, but only if the relationship has a strong foundation.

Scraggs

Tell him as soon as his exams are finished. Honestly though I don't think it's realistic for him to move to the UAE and I think you need to prepare yourself. You will be away most of the time (depending on what routes you work) and what is he going to do on his own in a foreign country especially as he doesn't have a job lined up. Also from what I can remember there is staff accommodation for emirates employees and he will not be permitted to live there.

Edited to add: Congratulations on the job offer, it's a great opportunity to travel and see the world!

Neyite

Not sure if it's wise to move your unmarried boyfriend in with you in Dubai.

If the relationship is already rocky in that you are checking his phone and he's eyeing up escorts, just go but go on your own.

Pawwed Rig

GingerLily wrote: »

I don't agree, people do survive long distances, 3 years isn't that long, but only if the relationship has a strong foundation.

3 years is very long. I cannot see a relationship survive this long unless they have already discussed long term ie marriage, kids, long term living arrangements.

FishOnABike

It may be worth reading this http://www.dubaifaqs.com/living-together-in-dubai.php and end this https://www.guide2dubai.com/living/laws-and-regulations/living-together

leggo

Yeah OP, you two aren't exactly on stable ground here. You're young and have a job opportunity you wanted. He's young and has a great opportunity to own a property at home. Your lives are diverging. If things were absolutely great...maybe give it a go? As it is, it'd be stupid for one of you to give up an opportunity that could do you for life. You're checking his phone. He's looking up hookers. Do the smart thing and put this relationship out of its misery and go both live happy lives.

The J Stands for Jay

I've read articles online about working for some of those UAE airlines (don't remember which ones) and it was pretty horrific. You won't be able to have a man stay with you there. There'll also be issues having a relationship with someone you aren't married to.

heretothere

Sounds great take the job go see the world! A three year long distance relationship will not work, especially if ye already are having issues.

Blondie1994

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

She posted recently about checking his phone and that he was looking up escorts on it. Methinks the relationship is dead and that she'd be better off taking this job.

This is what made me look at his phone as half of me is nearly wanting to find something bad so I can take the job and the other half of me wants to make sure that if I’m staying here for someone that they are fully committed to me only! He is my first bf and I love him the thought of him not being in my life is the scariest thing ever but my friends are telling me to take the job and that if he really loves me he will follow me out there but unfortunately life isn’t allways a fairy tale and I’m scared he won’t because of Dubai’s strict laws on living together I know this would put some pressure on us

stargazer 68

My advice still stands OP. You are 23 and have been offered an amazing opportunity- I lived in the Middle East for many years. He is your first boyfriend - trust me there will be more! What happens if you turn down the job and stay with him and he breaks up with you??

Pawwed Rig

With respect your 'first boyfriend' is rarely the one you end up with. It can happen but you both need to be on the same page relationship wise. You are ignoring to local customs and repeated warnings on this thread about working in UAE as a air hostess. Unless you marry him you will have issues. Him following you is a non starter.

If you want to go then break up and go. 3 years apart would be a nightmare to keep going where there is no commitment.

If you want advice you need to listen to what people are telling you.

woodchuck

Blondie1994 wrote: »

This is what made me look at his phone as half of me is nearly wanting to find something bad so I can take the job and the other half of me wants to make sure that if I’m staying here for someone that they are fully committed to me only! He is my first bf and I love him the thought of him not being in my life is the scariest thing ever but my friends are telling me to take the job and that if he really loves me he will follow me out there but unfortunately life isn’t allways a fairy tale and I’m scared he won’t because of Dubai’s strict laws on living together I know this would put some pressure on us

The part in bold is very telling OP. I think this shows your true feelings - you should go! I think it's naïve to think that he will follow you though. Aside from the very strict rules about couples living together, surely he has his own job etc keeping him here.

TheBoyConor

GingerLily wrote: »

I don't agree, people do survive long distances, 3 years isn't that long, but only if the relationship has a strong foundation.

It is quite a long time when you are only 23 and 24.

I'm sure some relationships could handle long distance for 3 years but you'd probably be talking people in 30s 40s or 50s who are in very long stable relationships.

Relationship distance for that long is a hard thing - why would you bother with that drama when you are 23 or 24 when you could just call it quits and go your separate ways for a much less stressful life?

December2012

Take the job. It is a wonderful opportunity and you will not regret it.