Making new friends in your 30's

LegacyUser

Hey, I posting in the hope some others may have struggled with the same thing and have any advice to overcome it. Or any suggestions on what I should change.

I seem to struggle to make any real genuine friends outside of work.
I've tried to do things to meet new people but it never seems to progress past acquaintances.
I go to Meetups for things I'm interested in, go to the gym for swimming several times a week. I try and get out an about as much as I can at weekends. I've no problem going to a pub for some food and drink but I suppose it's usually just people you get talking to that you may never meet again.
When I think about it I've probably not made a real genuine friend since my school/college days 15 - 20 years ago. I still keep in contact with some of them but we may only meet up a couple of times a year.
Does it just get harder the older you get or is the common denominator me? Maybe I'm not engaging in enough conversations with people or they're not interested in making new friends.
I'm greatful and extremely lucky for everything I have, but sometimes it gets lonely doing everything by yourself and feels a bit isolated. It'd be nice to hang out with someone every once in a while, even for a coffee.

I've joined a new activity last week which is something I enjoy doing a lot and it runs for a number of weeks over the summer. There's a good and fairly large friendly group of people in it but I'm not sure what to do to make it more than acquaintances again.

cork2

Hey OP,

It's not just you. I find the same, I'm heading for thirty now and I find that whilst I have a really good group of friends they have less time to hang out. I'm one of the few single people left in the group and the others are getting mortgages, having kids an working long hours.I'm still very close with them, but I just don't see them much. Tbh I find the weekends lonely but, you must keep busy, stay on the go and think positive.

Jenneke87

It's definitely not you, I'm struggling with the exact same problem. I don't really have any advise, but you're really not alone.

mada82

Same boat!

MissShihTzu

Try being in your fifties like me and no friends...I moved here 10 years ago, and really struggle to make friends. I work with a nice crowd, but they're all very young and in their 20's-30's so no old wans like me . Most of the time, I don't mind, but it gets a bit Billy No Mates when I take breaks and lunch alone and go out to smoke alone. Of course, I chat to whoever is out at the same time, but it get a bit much sometimes.

Hang in there, OP - You're not alone.

zoobizoo

I made more friends in my 30s than in my 20s.

As friends were getting married and having kids and other friends were too boring to do anything than go to the pub on a Saturday night, I found myself bored and frustrated.

I found a hobby and never looked back.

Weekends away, holidays, day trips etc.

Others in the club would get together for gigs, festivals etc.

10 years on and I'm married with kids so I'm not getting away but I know that if I wanted to, I could plug back into it easily.

What I'd recommend is to take up a few different hobbies and see which ones you enjoy and which will offer the most opportunities to make friends

I found the weekends away great to meet people. Sharing houses, sharing lifts, sharing duties etc

Don't be afraid to say "anyone on for a pint?" or "anyone interested in heading to the festival in a few weeks?". Create the gang

khaldrogo

MissShihTzu wrote:

Try being in your fifties like me and no friends...I moved here 10 years ago, and really struggle to make friends. I work with a nice crowd, but they're all very young and in their 20's-30's so no old wans like me . Most of the time, I don't mind, but it gets a bit Billy No Mates when I take breaks and lunch alone and go out to smoke alone. Of course, I chat to whoever is out at the same time, but it get a bit much sometimes.

Meet up .com

They have an over 50s group that meet up regularly. You should try it

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the responses so far. Looks like it's not just me.
I'll keep doing what I've been at. Maybe some day I'll end up in the right place at the right time.

never_mind

Would you consider doing something more structured like a night course? How is the love life?

LegacyUser

never_mind wrote: »

Would you consider doing something more structured like a night course? How is the love life?

I will keep an eye out for night courses. I find it needs to be something I'm interested in for me to hold my attention and commit to doing something in general. I've seen people suggest things like tag Rugby, etc but I would find myself losing interest in some of those things if I have no passion for them. I have several things that keep my active in the evenings like swimming, golfing, photography, music, walking/hiking but nothing has come from them so far.

Love life is pretty much non existent for over three years. I've been quite happy single the last few years and haven't really gone seriously looking for a relationship. Tried OD briefly but found I prefer to interact with people IRL. I found it was far too much effort to even get to the meetup stage and just a lot of messing in general.

I thought I'd focus on trying to establish some well grounded friends but so far no such luck. Most other areas of my life are good. Good job, own home, car, fit & healthy, supportive family so I have little to complain about really. Just missing some company is all and broaden my horizons

Sheog

I'm in the same boat Op and not for the first time!

In my mid-late 20's a lot of my college friends started settling down and getting married, and I found myself at a loose end more and more. I was lucky enough to met a new group of friends, through a girlfriend of one of the guys in the college group.

We were all living very close to each other in Dublin and became very close the past few years. At the time this group of friends were mainly single so there was no shortage of nights out, nights in and trips away. However, one by one, they have all fallen into serious relationships and have started leaving Dublin. I'm finding myself in the same situation, only this time I am 10 years older.

I've no idea what the future holds, but I started learning the Ukulele (very hipster I know!) about 18 months ago and I've met a lot of interesting and fun people through that. I go to group classes every week, and occasionally I go to things like Ukulele Tuesday's.

baby and crumble

30SomethingFriends wrote: »

I have several things that keep my active in the evenings like swimming, golfing, photography, music, walking/hiking but nothing has come from them so far.

There's lots of ways to make friends with those hobbies. Try joining your local photography society. If you're in Dublin there's a club called the New Generation Camera Club that shoots pretty much every week on different themes. Look them up on FB. There's a photography forum here on boards that used to run photowalks where you could meet up with people. There's a few of those types of groups that run regular photowalks on meetup.com, you can just join the group and if one is happening and you're free sure why not pop along?

Likewise joining a walking/hiking group would make sense for you, or joining a new golf club?

ilovesmybrick

Yeah, I think this is pretty common, especially for those of us who were hitting our twenties during the crash.

A lot of people I would have been close to have spread across the globe and as the years fell out of touch. I'm fortunate that I've a long term partner, but we live abroad so language barriers etc limit the social circle we have. Any time I come back it's a smaller and smaller group of people I meet up with.

Every few weeks I'd go for a pint and find someone to shoot the breeze with, but it's not as easy to fall into close friendships as when I was in college with no cash but an abundance of free time. Doesn't particularly help that I'm quite introverted and find large social situations a bit tiring and uncomfortable!

never_mind

I had a chat with this with a friend today and it was a bit illuminating. When we are in our 20s our world is our friends. They are usually the people we meet in education and have a shared passion for a subject or subjects... we go on and carve out careers in (possibly) similar fields and maintain contact through those passions and fields. When we are in college, friends are our world and are so important to us in terms of our identity and foundation of a tribe.

Now that I am out of college and that my group of friends is spread across the world and have changing priorities I am beginning to see that this was crucial. When you make a friend in your 30s you know that they have other, much bigger priorities than you, and so it's harder to meet up as frequently.

Sorry, this isn't advice-driven but just a reading I have on the situation. I suppose here on boards.ie we rely heavily on the 'join a club' line but really what else can you do..

Bruisedego

No advice op but you are not alone.

My friends are all settled and most have young kids so nights out don't happen very often now.

I find the classes I tried pilates/swimming/running etc. were all groups of friends who were there to catch up with each other and didn't need others joining them.

I looked online but just not for me. The messages were creepy and sleazy or guys I just had zero interest in.

Weekends can be long when people are busy doing family things, I'm not comfortable going to some things solo.

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