To apologise or not

LegacyUser

Something horrible was done to me by a close relative. I had a nasty reaction to the way they treated me. The short story of it, I was meant to put up with the nasty behaviour and they never apologised. I lashed out at them, not physically, just verbal abuse. They never liked it. They are going on about my reaction even though they won't see why and still won't apologise for their own behaviour.

Mr. Incognito

without context no one can advise you

Big Bag of Chips

If you are sorry for whatever you did, you should apologise. But the apology should be because you are sorry, not because you want them to apologise too.

LegacyUser

Definitely difficult to judge the situation when you haven't explained what it is your relative is supposed to have done.

Saying that, you're better off moving on instead of holding a grudge. If it's a once off, it should be easy to forgive and forget. However, if someone is generally not nice to you, don't entertain their attention seeking. Be polite etc, but don't become involved in their drama by arguing back etc.

LegacyUser

Mr. Incognito is correct. Without context, its hard to give advice?

What was done to you? If it was serious and criminal, you can go to the revelant authorities to report the matter.

Something else?
We all have wrongs done to us at some stage or another. It's how you deal with things is what matters. You can choose to let it eat away at you making you unhappy or you can rise above it, keep your distance and focus on you and the good in your life and what makes you happy. What was involved in lashing out? There is an epidemic of online abuse and bullying occurring in Ireland and its not right or appropriate.

Focus on yourself and what makes you happy going forward.

lulu1

There are people who like to verbally abuse their partner / family all the time but when they lash back they cant take it I would not be apologising for standing up for myself and maybe a few more outburst's from you might let them know where they stand.

Seen it all too often

bottlebrush

In my experience a person who is capable of horrible behaviour is rarely, if ever, capable of apologising for it, so don't expect an apology is coming. If this horrible behaviour caused you distress then You on the other hand should not have had to apologise for calling the person out on it. Who are they going on to about to about your verbal behaviour? Is it to other members of your family or just to you?

Sephiroth_dude

Why should you apologize if they were nasty to you? Cut them out of your life and have no more to do with them if you can.

lulu1

agreewithlastposter wrote: »

Definitely difficult to judge the situation when you haven't explained what it is your relative is supposed to have done.

Saying that, you're better off moving on instead of holding a grudge. If it's a once off, it should be easy to forgive and forget. However, if someone is generally not nice to you, don't entertain their attention seeking. Be polite etc, but don't become involved in their drama by arguing back etc.

But the question is how many times is the op supposed to move on and be polite to a person who talks to her like she is nothing.

They will keep treating op this way unless they let them know they are sick of it

LegacyUser

Your post is exceptionally vague and without context it's hard to give advice.

I will say its appalling how you were advised to continue lashing out with outbursts. Its not the answer. Without context it could be viewed as harassment.

What you do is that you go no contact and avoid them at functions. You rise above it. Stooping to their level, what does that make you?

Focus on your own life and what makes you happy so that your self esteem grows and in time little will annoy you from them.

If there's lies and rumours spread about you behind your back, consider taking a civil case.

Xterminator

Hi Op

2 wrongs dont make a right.

If you did something wrong, then ask yourself, do you regret your own actions? if the situation happened again would you handle it differently?

If the answer is yes, then perhaps an apology is warranted. Only you can know if that is the case.

callaway92

To be blunt about it - If you wanted to apologise, you'd have done it by now and not asked an internet forum for clarification.

LegacyUser

lulu1 wrote: »

But the question is how many times is the op supposed to move on and be polite to a person who talks to her like she is nothing.

They will keep treating op this way unless they let them know they are sick of it

Someone who intentionally and repeatedly wrongs other people are not worth arguing with. Added to that, a person who does that loves the drama of a fight. Better off not giving them any oxygen. They'll eventually move on to harassing someone else. Life's too short to engage with drama queens!

Defunkd

If you're not sorry for saying what you said, don't apologise. Don't expect or wait for an apology from them either.

Emme

OP if you're supposed to put up with abuse on an ongoing basis why should you apologise for standing up for yourself? Of course the person who expects you to put up with abuse will not be ok with you standing up for yourself. These people never ever apologise. They are very good at dishing out abuse but when their victim stands up for themselves they don't like it one bit and that's why they go on about it. They want to keep you in your place so they can keep giving you abuse.

There is absolutely no need for you to apologise - if you do you will be playing right into their hands.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

lulu1

Emme wrote: »

OP if you're supposed to put up with abuse on an ongoing basis why should you apologise for standing up for yourself? Of course the person who expects you to put up with abuse will not be ok with you standing up for yourself. These people never ever apologise. They are very good at dishing out abuse but when their victim stands up for themselves they don't like it one bit and that's why they go on about it. They want to keep you in your place so they can keep giving you abuse.

There is absolutely no need for you to apologise - if you do you will be playing right into their hands.

Here here I agree