Something to remember a lost parent

Gumbo

Guys,

Getting married in 4 weeks.

My girlfriends Mam passed away a few years back but I would
Love to do something small as a surprise to remember her at the wedding.

Something small during the speech, or a small item or anything.
Open to ideas.

Can anybody recommend something?

Thanks.

vintagecosmos

kceire wrote: »

Guys,

Getting married in 4 weeks.

My girlfriends Mam passed away a few years back but I would
Love to do something small as a surprise to remember her at the wedding.

Something small during the speech, or a small item or anything.
Open to ideas.

Can anybody recommend something?

Thanks.

U could light a candle at the mass and have the priest announce her name. Or put her pic at the back of the booklet. Gone but not forgotten ...

infor123

kceire wrote: »

Guys,

Getting married in 4 weeks.

My girlfriends Mam passed away a few years back but I would
Love to do something small as a surprise to remember her at the wedding.

Something small during the speech, or a small item or anything.
Open to ideas.

Can anybody recommend something?

Thanks.

Just be sure she wants it as she’s going to be quite emotional on the day and it might upset her. She’ll prob be trying hard to stay strong and not focus too much on the loss - I know personally any mention of my loss is going to set me off on the day so I’ll be trying hard to not talk about it when it comes around. Obviously she’ll be thinking of her Mam but it could be really upsetting for her if you do some really kind gesture. Just make sure she’ll be able to handle it.

SirChenjin

It's a lovely idea, but I think it would be better to talk about it beforehand. Weddings are emotional as it is, and she will be missing her mam, I am sure.
So maybe suggest to her that a photo on a side table with flowers and a candle (or something like that) would be a nice way to remember her mam on the day.

Hope that you both have a great day.

Wabbit Ears

I think anything that's done in memory should be a private thing between the direct family. A candle, a card, wearing a momento piece if jewellery. Personally I don't think it appropriate to do a memorial to your partners mother as a wedding suprise. That's her call and hers alone.

razorblunt

Yep definitely a few ways to handle it, once you're all on board with it:

* Remembrance candle to be lit
* Heirloom worn (pinned to my jacket - these two were part of my own wedding)

* Photo on the altar
* Mentioned explicitly in the Prayers of the Faithful
* Mentioned a few times by the priest/Rev/ Civil Servant during the ceremony
* Addressed by the Best Man before any of the speeches started and a toast was made

The bottom 4 are ones I have seen at other weddings

Ursus Horribilis

I'm with the people who are advising against springing a surprise. Her mother might be gone a few years but it's still likely to be a bit raw for her on the day. One of my brothers married a woman whose father had died 15 years beforehand. Her family were a bit teary about it even at the rehearsal. The priest mentioned him during the ceremony and I think that was enough.

__teenie__

I've seen people attach a brooch with a photo on it to their bouquet. A nice present for the morning of the wedding, and it's done privately so it's still a suprise but if she gets upset it's ar home. Nice memento of the day

Hurling Rankings

This post has been deleted.

qwerty13

I know you are trying to do this with the best of intentions, but I really do not think you should do it as a surprise.

Like others said, it will be a hard day without her mother there - but to bring that up as a surprise could really really upset her. And not just her, that will hit her family too, her Dad, siblings, and her mother’s siblings.

I’d strongly advise against this.

Ursus Horribilis

Do you know if they've discussed this on her side of the family?

jlm29

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Do you know if they've discussed this on her side of the family?

This... it’s broader than just your fiancé- at my brothers wedding a couple of years ago, the celebrant mentioned my dad, I think they got my Mam to come up and light a candle, though I might be remembering that bit wrong. They hadn’t discussed it with her, and I know she found it quite upsetting. A big family event with someone very important missing can be very difficult, it might be upsetting for a few people.

Stopped Clock

It's a kind thought but I think you should leave it to your girlfriend's family to decide what they want.

My mother died 2 years ago and my brother got married recently. It was one of those days where I really really missed my mum and it made the day a bit tough. It also upset my father and some of the rest of the family too. We all cried at different stages during the day. the family all gathered together reminded us that she was gone and it hurt. Even little things like someone else having to bring up a gift alongside the bride's mother was a reminder. We didn't have an empty chair at the top table but there might as well have been.

The priest mentioned her a few times during the ceremony so it wasn't as if she was forgotten about. I don't think I'd have minded them lighting a candle or something like that but a photo would've been too much. That's my perspective on it anyway. Please don't spring a surprise on your girlfriend. It is coming from a good place but it's not the time or place for it.

Gumbo

Thanks everyone for the thoughts and ideas.
We have already talked about what we could do so the intentions are well received.

Plenty of advice and we shall discuss it further between us and let herself make the final decision.

Many thanks again.

baldbear

we made a donation to hospice care for my dad & cancer services for my oh dad .

We left nice notes on people's dinner plates saying we made donation on everyone's behalf in memory of people important to us.

baby and crumble

We had a collage photo frame with photos of those friends and family who had passed away, including my Mam and my godson. It was enough, I think, to remember them but it didn't call attention to it. It was on a table in a hallway in the venue. I know I didn't warn my bridesmaid who was my Godsons Mam and when she saw it the morning of she burst into tears and I felt like an asshole. It was very much appreciated and I'm so glad she saw it before the day kicked off proper.

amber2

Perhaps a little locket with a photo inside or a lasered on image of her mum, would be nice just for your wife to be, to have with her on the day & a thoughtful keepsake.

Edit: some great suggestions made here & a really nice thoughtful thing for you to do btw.

jlm29

amber2 wrote: »

Perhaps a little locket with a photo inside or a lasered on image of her mum, would be nice just for your wife to be, to have with her on the day & a thoughtful keepsake.

Edit: some great suggestions made here & a really nice thoughtful thing for you to do btw.

This is actually a lovely idea, and you could give it to her a few days before so it’s not a bit emotional surprise on the day. If she already has jewellery organised, you could put it on a pin so she can pin it on her bouquet, or something like that

gipi

The wife of a friend of mine passed away about 6 months before their son's wedding. On the day, there were 2 photographs displayed at the reception - the wedding photos of both sets of parents. Everyone thought it was a lovely touch.

splinter65

kceire wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the thoughts and ideas.
We have already talked about what we could do so the intentions are well received.

Plenty of advice and we shall discuss it further between us and let herself make the final decision.

Many thanks again.

Please check with all the immediate family. My FIL found out by accident that there was going to be many mentions of his deceased wife at his sons wedding ( not my husband, his brother).
He was very upset and asked them expressly that there be no mention of her at all.
Everyone grieves differently.
No need to make a difficult day for some torturous.

sept17

I had a memory candle next to our wedding candles, with a photo of my parents on their wedding day. The priest spoke about my parents at the beginning of the ceremony, with me lighting the memory candle prior to us lighting the wedding candles. I also had a two line poem in the wedding booklet. The photo was then brought to the reception and was on the top table with us, and instead of the toast to the bride and groom, we toasted my parents. My mother was gone 11 years, my Dad 7 weeks.

I would wholeheartedly agree that this is not something to surprise her with on the day - talk to her siblings and see what they think... its a really lovely thought, but it is emotional minefield, and she may not even know how she would react . talk to her...

Old enough post but emotional minefield barely covers it! My dad passed away three years ago and will be sorely missed on my big day next summer, but if husband-to-be surprised me with something to do with my dad it would come out of left field and leave me with my head spinning. I will do what I want to do to remember and recognise him in the day. Anything even small like hearing his favourite song or seeing a picture of him could go either way on a day when emotions are already heightened!

Leave it to her, is also my advice.

_Dara_

I was at a friend’s wedding recently. He had lost his father in the last few years and his bride-to-be had lost her mother two years ago. The priest acknowledged both deceased parents in his sermon. The deceased parents weren’t mentioned in the speeches but either side of the wedding cake, there were photos of both sets of parents on their wedding days. These were lovely touches.

I think a mention in your speech would be touching. But she might get emotional.