Partner not paying her way

LG1234

Looking for some advice here.

My girlfriend moved in about a year ago and this problem has been a constant annoyance for me.

The house only a small mortgage on it , which for the most part is covered by a tenant I have through rent a room, although I have to throw a bit towards the mortgage too.

When my girlfriend moved in I asked her to just split the bills with me, so we split gas and electric as the bill comes in every couple of months. For everything else, broadband, bins, property tax, house insurance etc I worked it all out and it worked out her share and asked her to just set up a weekly dd into my account for this amount. It's a small amount.

The problem is she hardly pays this small amount. Some weeks she does and some she doesn't. Then when I bring it up she says she doesn't mind paying the bins and broadband but shouldn't have to pay towards property tax and house insurance cos it's MY house, not hers. And that she does most of the cleaning around the place, which in fairness she does.

Am I right to get really annoyed at this? She is living rent/mortgage free in a house in Dublin after all. She earns similar to me so it's not like she doesn't have it.

Am I wrong to ask her to pay towards the house insurance and property tax? Everytime I bring this up we have a big argument so I want to ask what the general consensus is before I tackle this again

Greyling

LG1234 wrote: »

The problem is she hardly pays this small amount. Some weeks she does and some she doesn't. Then when I bring it up she says she doesn't mind paying the bins and broadband but shouldn't have to pay towards property tax and house insurance cos it's MY house, not hers. And that she does most of the cleaning around the place, which in fairness she does.

She's right. Why should she pay your property tax or house insurance?

Del2005

Have her paying the least possible for the house. After 5 years, 2 with kids, she'll get a share of the house if she makes a contribution to the house.

ted1

Greyling wrote: »

LG1234 wrote: »

The problem is she hardly pays this small amount. Some weeks she does and some she doesn't. Then when I bring it up she says she doesn't mind paying the bins and broadband but shouldn't have to pay towards property tax and house insurance cos it's MY house, not hers. And that she does most of the cleaning around the place, which in fairness she does.

She's right. Why should she pay your property tax or house insurance?

Because she’s not paying rent or a mortgage....

endacl

Greyling wrote: »

She's right. Why should she pay your property tax or house insurance?

Because after a period of time she'd be entitled to claim a shared ownership on the property she live with her partner in as a couple.

You're aware of that, OP?

TheChizler

LG1234 wrote: »

She is living rent/mortgage free in a house in Dublin after all.

So are you it seems for the most part, so I wouldn't bring that up as an argument.

Utilities, bins and broadband fair enough she should pay her part for, same as you would if you were renting a house together. Thinks like property tax and insurance I'd be unsure of for endacl's reasons, if you were living together much longer I'd say yes.

Maybe start doing more cleaning off your own bat and she might be agreeable.

afkasurfjunkie

Or instead of splitting every bill decide which of you will take responsibility for certain ones. Then each person has to pay their way. . I earn more than my husband but I pay for bins and electricity. He pays property tax and covers any extra fuel needed. Oh and I do cooking and general day to day cleaning but he does bathrooms and deep cleans. It’s a partnership.

TheChizler

We have a joint account set up which everything comes out of. Just pay a set amount in each month. No hassle with splitting bills or taking responsibility for certain ones.

sozbox

Greyling wrote: »

She's right. Why should she pay your property tax or house insurance?

Because if she was renting she'd be paying a rent that includes these costs for the landlord.

She sounds spoilt. Either pay your way or go on your way would be my approach. It's not right that someone should sponge off you like this.

Who pays for house maintenance when something breaks or needs repair?

Katgurl

Why aren't you sharing the cleaning? You both sound spoilt. Divide up the tasks and pull your weight. She's not your employee.

Tell her you're not gonna squabble with her about separate bills anymore. Lump it all into a set amount and come up with a creative term to describe it like 'rent'. If she doesn't like it she can leave.

jlm29

Who pays for food? Cleaning products? Stuff like toilet roll and washing powder etc that you both use?

Dog walker 1234

I think if you are living together, all bills should be split. Set up a joint account and both pay into it ( equal amount if both earn the same ). I think this is the easiest and fairest solution.

If you are living as a couple, surely ye are expecting a future together? It seems a bit miserly of her TBH.

Brego888

My girlfriend lives in my apartment with me. We split the mortgage 50:50. We split all bills 50:50. I pay the property tax and apartment management fees. At the end of the day (well for a few year yet) if we were to break up its my place and she would get nothing from a sale so why should she have to pay property tax, insurance, management fees etc.

Eric Cartman

Del2005 wrote: »

Have her paying the least possible for the house. After 5 years, 2 with kids, she'll get a share of the house if she makes a contribution to the house.

nah, she gets a share anyway, you can't keep anything to yourself these days, its disgusting.

GreeBo

Owner of the house pays house owner costs, everything else should be split or an agreement on dividing it up.

Unfair to pay towards house ownership costs when she doesn't own a house.
However if you are happy for her not to pay rent then you need to let mortgage costs & tax etc go.

Consumables should be split though.

BnB

Honestly - I think it sounds like you have bigger issues

You are not asking your girlfriend for much money. If she really cared about you, she would see what a big issue it is for you and just pay you the money. She should have it spare as she is living rent free anyway.


On the other hand, you are not under any financial pressure and you have sod all of a mortgage to pay because of the lodger. Your GF already helps out with some bills as well as helping out a lot around the house. If you actually cared about her you wouldn't be making such a big deal out of it.


To summarise, if the two of you were in any kind of a relationship in any way and gave a hoot about each other this wouldn't remotely be an issue. It sounds more to me like you are two housemates who barely tolerate each other than anything else.

radiata

Sounds like she's living off you to me. Charge her for rent

heretothere

Ask her to pay the same rent as the other guy see what she thinks then!

Bubbaclaus

Brego888 wrote: »

My girlfriend lives in my apartment with me. We split the mortgage 50:50. We split all bills 50:50. I pay the property tax and apartment management fees. At the end of the day (well for a few year yet) if we were to break up its my place and she would get nothing from a sale so why should she have to pay property tax, insurance, management fees etc.

Not necessarily the case since the Civil Partnership and Certain Rights and Obligations of Cohabitants Act 2010 was brought in.

MarcusP12

I think your case is weakened by the fact that you have a lodger there. Maybe she has a more casual attitude to paying her "fair" share because of this and maybe she'd feel differently about the whole arrangement if you didn't have a lodger as it would feel like your place together rather than with someone else.....just a thought....

miamee

OP, through whatever means you have a house of your own with a small mortgage. Congratulations. Presumably this took saving and a smart move to buy at some point in the past before you met your current girlfriend.

She has not bought a house yet she wants to benefit from your low mortgage repayments by paying you little or no rent, whenever it suits her. Then flips when you ask her to contribute to the LPT/insurance for the house - the house that allows her this low rent scenario? She can't expect to benefit both ways, either she's paying full rent like your lodger or she's contributing to the other household bills outside of the usual electricity, broadband, heating, etc.

I think it's unfair of her to expect to pay low/no rent (she's saving on what she'd pay elsewhere) but also to expect you to cover the big house bills. I'm assuming that as she has moved in you both see some sort of long term future together. When will she start to pay bills equally? Did you discuss and and agree what was to be paid before she moved in? Whatever amount you both agreed (however little) needs to be stuck to, the fact that she pays some weeks but not other would be more of a red flag to me than disagreeing about paying for LPT for 'your' house. She is expecting you to financially cover her backside on the weeks she doesn't bother to pay.

Cleaning is a separate issue and something you should try to split evenly between you as well.

woodchuck

I can see this from both perspectives. Obviously she has an easy ride not paying rent, however she's right that it's your house and therefore she shouldn't be expected to pay property tax on it. I think it comes down to semantics though. I cohabitated before and while I didn't feel comfortable contributing to the mortgage, I didn't mind paying rent (even though it obviously went towards paying off the mortgage!).

What is she like otherwise OP? Do you split all other costs, including grocery bills, eating out, socialising etc? If so, and given you said it's a very small amount, I'd be inclined to let it slide. However if she doesn't pay her way in other ways, that would be more of a concern.

Cleaning is a separate issue and you should start helping out more with that.

witchgirl26

I can understand her point to a degree. My OH bought a house when we were living together and we lived in it. I wasn't on the mortgage & I paid rent, and bills etc but when it came to the LPT or house insurance, that was all my OH. Now if there had been a cashflow problem, course I'd help out but realistically I didn't own the house so I wasn't responsible for the LPT. How much say does she have in the house also? If, for example, she said she wanted the tenant out and to share the house (& mortgage) between the two of you, would you be ok with that? Or would it be a case of "well it's my house so no"?

OP fair play for having a small mortgage and owning your own place but really that was your decision to buy and also your decision not to get her to pay anything towards the mortgage. I would be reluctant in her shoes to pay towards those costs too unless I knew I had some control over the property as they are property owners responsibilities.

bottlebrush

If she has set up a weekly direct debit to your account how is it that sometimes she pays it and sometimes she doesn't? Is she instructing the bank to stop it when she doesn't want to pay it?
In my view she should be paying rent, her share of the utilities (only 1/3 as you have a lodger) but not property tax and insurance. And if cleaning the house becomes an issue, split the cleaning or maybe consider getting a cleaner in for a few hours a week and share the cost?

qwerty13

I don’t think it’s fair to expect her to pay costs associated with owning the property. But I also don’t think it’s fair that she’s effectively living rent free. How did this happen? Did you not sort out a proper financial arrangement before she moved in?

And sort it out re the cleaning OP. That’s not fair on her.

Idle Passerby

As your living together as a couple maybe it's time to get rid of the lodger and split the mortgage 50/50, have her as your "tenant". It seems you could afford it based on the fact the lodger is paying the guts of your mortgage anyway.

It seems odd to be living in a share house as a couple when you can afford not to. It might make things less complicated too.

Emme

Could it be proved that the OP's girlfriend is living there as his partner when he has a lodger there and she is not making contributions to the mortgage? She seems to be a tenant who pays a reduced rent for cleaning house to me.

If you want to live together with a future as a couple you need to have a serious arrangement in place. Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this girl? If so you need to review the arrangements and have a serious discussion with her. If not then the relationship has no future and the sooner you end it the better.

mitresize5

be careful. You get her to pay half of everything and very quickly your house becomes yer house

Paddy Cow

LG1234 wrote: »

Looking for some advice here.

My girlfriend moved in about a year ago and this problem has been a constant annoyance for me.

The house only a small mortgage on it , which for the most part is covered by a tenant I have through rent a room, although I have to throw a bit towards the mortgage too.

When my girlfriend moved in I asked her to just split the bills with me, so we split gas and electric as the bill comes in every couple of months. For everything else, broadband, bins, property tax, house insurance etc I worked it all out and it worked out her share and asked her to just set up a weekly dd into my account for this amount. It's a small amount.

The problem is she hardly pays this small amount. Some weeks she does and some she doesn't. Then when I bring it up she says she doesn't mind paying the bins and broadband but shouldn't have to pay towards property tax and house insurance cos it's MY house, not hers. And that she does most of the cleaning around the place, which in fairness she does.

Am I right to get really annoyed at this? She is living rent/mortgage free in a house in Dublin after all. She earns similar to me so it's not like she doesn't have it.

Am I wrong to ask her to pay towards the house insurance and property tax? Everytime I bring this up we have a big argument so I want to ask what the general consensus is before I tackle this again

I completely agree with you op and I think your girlfriend is being selfish. Whether or not she does most of the cleaning is irrelevant. If she doesn't like the situation then she can be an adult and say to you that you need to pull your weight and clean more. Splitting bills such as gas/electric/property tax/house insurance etc is going to work out a lot less for her than if she was paying rent. If she was renting, the landlord would set a certain amount and she'd still have bills on top of that. However the landlord decided to spend the money she gave him is of no concern to her. She couldn't tell the landlord "I'll pay your rent but I won't pay your property tax". That's just laughable.

The agreement you two had was that she wouldn't pay rent but would split bills. That's a really good deal. She agreed to pay a certain amount and isn't doing this. It shouldn't concern her whether that amount goes to electricity or property tax. You added up all your bills, split it with her and she agreed to it. You are both on even money so it's not like you are being unreasonable. What does she do with the extra money she has that she's not paying you? Is she saving it or spending it on frivolous things?

One of the biggest reasons couples split up is because of finances. You obviously saved hard and made good choices to be in a position where you have a small mortgage. Your girlfriend is not respecting this. She sees property tax etc as "your" bills but she is happy not to pay rent. You really need to have a conversation with her about this. She might see it as unfair that she is paying "your" property tax, but that's a self centered attitude. Property tax is not a one off bill that you have to pay. You do not profit from this. It's a bill as much as electricity is. If she has an issue with the relevance of this tax, then she should take it up with Revenue or her local TD.

The only reason she is p!ssed is that she sees the breakdown of bills and doesn't consider Property Tax a living expense. She is still living in a rental mentality where you only get bills such as electricity, internet, bins etc. You use these all the time, so while it bites the wallet, you shut up and pay up. She needs to grow up and realise that she is living with a homeowner. Someone with more responsibilities than a tenant. You have been more than generous. Maybe suggest that she pays a certain amount into a joint account and you pay the bills at your discretion? It might irk her less if she doesn't know where the money is being spent. I find that a bit immature but if you want a quiet life, it might be the way to go.

I'd be concerned at how much you two are at loggerhead's over finances. As other people have said, if you are a couple and she is there for x amount of time, she could be entitled to part of your house :eek: Think long and hard about where you see your future with this woman.

Ghekko

I'd be calculating the amount it costs monthly to cover broadband/tv licence/bins/gas/electricity and split in 3. Add on another few quid to her monthly 'bill' (for miscellaneous expenses) and ask her to set up a standing order from her account, as it sounds as though she is currently just transferring the amount when it suits her.

As regards cleaning perhaps a basic rota between the 3 of you could be set up. The lodger needs to chip in too.

Big Bag of Chips

OP has closed their account.