What to give sister in law for minding kids at a wedding

detoxkid

My own sister is getting married soon and my sister in law has kindly agreed to mind our kids the night of and hopefully the morning after the wedding in the hotel the reception is taking place in. Our kids are 4 and 2. She's bringing her husband and two kids (15 and 9). My husband encouraged this! We have organised two adjoining rooms for them and we are obviously paying for this. Breakfast is included and I was thinking of saying that there is credit on the room for them to get lunch and dinner. The wedding is 2.5 hours away and she will be driving. What do you think we should give as a present? Husband thinks no more than 150 e one for all voucher. They don't have much money and he thinks any more and she would be embarrassed. Does this sound enough? She's doing us a huge favour.

Del2005

If you are paying for the rooms for her family and adding dinner and breakfast €150 is plenty. Only issue cash not vouchers.

ANXIOUS

That's incredible, you're paying over €500 to have your children minded by a relation for 36hrs or so?

Colser

If she was going on her own to babysit then I'd buy her something but it's a night away for her and her family all paid for, so I don't think she'd expect anything more tbh.

Big Bag of Chips

Yeah I wouldn't be offering money on top of a hotel night away for her entire family including meals. She's your husband's sister. I have never charged or been charged for looking after my nieces and nephews. Do they need to come to the hotel? Can she not stay at home and keep them there and then you can give her a bottle of wine and a hair voucher or something.

If it cost me that much on top of the wedding expenses anyway I'd probably just stay at home with the children!! Or if it was my sister's wedding I'd go on my own and leave my husband at home with the children.

Ridiculous amount of money to have your children minded for approximately 24 hours.... By their aunt!

Edit: from rereading your post it seems your children are invited to the wedding and you only need them minded that night and (hopefully) the next morning? Crazy, unnecessary expense.

bee06

Yeah, I’d agree that there is no need for the extra cash. You wouldn’t pay that for a unrelated babysitter. If it was me doing the minding I’d be mortified if my brother gave me 150 Euro to mind my niece and nephew who I would love to spend time with. Paying for the lunch and dinner is more than generous.

Big Bag of Chips

Yeah, good point.. the idea behind getting family to mind your children is it's cheaper (free!). In this case it would be cheaper to invite and pay for a friend, or a local teenager/college student to come with you. Pay for their room and dinner and give them 80-100 for keeping an eye on your children for the night.

whiskeyman

I'm baffled as to why they need to come to the hotel.
Why couldn't you just leave them in their house?
Never heard of this before.

bee06

whiskeyman wrote: »

I'm baffled as to why they need to come to the hotel.
Why couldn't you just leave them in their house?
Never heard of this before.

Maybe the kids are flower girl/page boys in the wedding? It’s their aunt getting married.

godtabh

My brother in law is minding my two kids at my sisters wedding in December.

He has a choice of a hotel room or pick up and drive home.

He is doing it cause he’s family and he’ll know we’ll do the same for him at some stage

tickingclock

Completly agree with the posts. There's no way I'd be paying family. I'd return the favour in some way free of charge. Id give wine and flowers where favours are exchanged

godtabh

bee06 wrote: »

Maybe the kids are flower girl/page boys in the wedding? It’s their aunt getting married.

My kids will be a page boy/floor girl. They are going to the ceremony and then off with them

I would mind my niece & nephew anytime!!
I wouldn't expect anything & if a hotel room was provided for me I definitely wouldn't take anything.
Are you sure your sister in law expects something? You are already paying for a night in a hotel for them, seems a lot!

detoxkid

Hi there. My husband has a weird relationship with his family even though he is very close to the sister who is minding them and I'd completely trust her. I don't know how to read the situation hense the question. If it was my own sister who was minding the kids I know she wouldn't expect anything in return bar the room paid for. They have to stay in the hotel because they are flower girls so not an option not to bring them. Anyway, thanks for the feedback lots of food for thought

If they need to come rather than mind them at home (minding at home should cost you nothing imo) then paying for the room is enough. I wouldn't be paying for their dinner even never mind giving them money.

Absolute madness spending the amounts of money suggested on a family member doing a bit of babysitting.

Ghekko

They are getting a free night away with their kids so I wouldn't be giving them a cent extra. Its also a bit much that they are all going along. The 15 year old alone would probably have been able to do the job! It's an expensive scenario and if it were me I'd just keep my kids with me if they had to be there. Getting to stay up later and have a few extra drinks wouldn't be worth the cost of bringing the babysitters. But in reality if I didn't want to have the kids with me I'd have declined the invite for them to be part of the wedding party and left them with my sister.

lulu1

I would buy her a gift . My sister in law would not even expect to get paid never mind the whole family been put up over night in the hotel. If your kids see you in the hotel I know who will be doing the babysitting and it wont be the sister in law I really think she is taking advantage

BettePorter

Wow ... you're being extremely generous in my view. Why are they all going ? The aunt could just take the 9 year old and Surely a twin room would have sufficed. The hub and the 15 year old coming is a bit ott. I mean if they'd said after the fact aw sure we ll make a weekend of it fair enough but it's not up to you to pay all that and yet u still think u aren't paying enough. She is their aunt afterall.

Purple Mountain

Could they be collected after the mass and brought to her house and you cover their petrol expense?
That way the kids wouldn't have to be around for the day which is dragged out before the meal arrives. I've seen this scenario with really young kids in the bridal party.
Or is the plan that the family entertain them for the drinks reception and take them up to the room or out to play?
Otherwise you and your husband will spend 3 hours after mass and before dinner running around and miss the celebration.

John_D80

Very generous of you OP. Fair play.

I’d keep any gift small though. They might need a favour in the future from and might be discouraged from asking if they feel that they have to reward you for it.

Maybe an offer to mind her kids for a night if she wants to get away with her partner would suffice??

detoxkid

Thanks for all your replies. She lives 2.5 hours from where the wedding is happening and is a nervous traveller. She's Def doing us a huge favour and my husband was the one pushing that she bring her family. She absolutely wouldn't expect anything but she will be out of pocket with fuel and to mark the effort I'd like to give her something. I Def don't want to embarrass her though and she doesn't have much money. Offering to mind her kids is a good one. With regard to what she will do on the day - I was expecting that we would mind them ourselves at the ceremony and reception including the meal so it is only a night time thing. And a next morning thing! She offered to take them all day for the wedding but I'm kind of looking forward to having them at the wedding as they never usually get invited. Famous last words huh, maybe she will be working harder than I anticipate when they start going crazy 😂

Lollipops23

detoxkid wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies. She lives 2.5 hours from where the wedding is happening and is a nervous traveller. She's Def doing us a huge favour and dh was the one pushing that she bring her family.

I assume they're driving...? Not sure how someone could be nervous of hopping on the M50 for a bit.

She's minding your kids for a few hours and not the entire day, you're paying for her entire family to stay overnight in a hotel.

Maybe pay for dinner for them, but any more than that is OTT.

beertons

Paying for a night away with her family would be enough in my books. A child minder through the hotel would cost no more than 15 an hour.

woodchuck

I think paying for the hotel and dinner is plenty. If you go over the top, it means that she might be reluctant to ask you a favour in the future, because she think she needs to spend the same amount of money as a thank you.

Big Bag of Chips

Have you actually spoken to the sister? I know I would feel really uncomfortable having all that much "paid" to me for effectively minding my nieces while they slept! Make no mistake, the children will be with you as long as possible in the day (sounds like you want to have them with you for as much as possible). They will go to the room when its time for them to go to bed and you can be fairly sure you'll be seeing them again fairly early the next morning. It sounds like you haven't asked your sister in law to keep them the next day, you're "hoping" she will.

It sounds like you need to talk to her. You need to tell her what you want her to do and you need to ask her what she expects from you. It might be an awkward conversation, but all this uncertainty isn't really working for you!

Danny Donut

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

It sounds like you need to talk to her. You need to tell her what you want her to do and you need to ask her what she expects from you. It might be an awkward conversation, but all this uncertainty isn't really working for you!

Agreed. Though a lot of people are saying - 150 is a lot of money on top of ...

All I'd say is, if you want to do it, go ahead. You say they're not well off, call it petrol money or "Have a meal out on us for the hassle", whatever.

Thinking back years ago, my parents did a favour for my mum's aunt and uncle - ran their pub for four days. Afterwards there was a "Thanks ever so much" - They were out of pocket and never forgot it.

qwerty13

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Have you actually spoken to the sister? I know I would feel really uncomfortable having all that much "paid" to me for effectively minding my nieces while they slept! Make no mistake, the children will be with you as long as possible in the day (sounds like you want to have them with you for as much as possible). They will go to the room when its time for them to go to bed and you can be fairly sure you'll be seeing them again fairly early the next morning. It sounds like you haven't asked your sister in law to keep them the next day, you're "hoping" she will.

It sounds like you need to talk to her. You need to tell her what you want her to do and you need to ask her what she expects from you. It might be an awkward conversation, but all this uncertainty isn't really working for you!

Agreed that they need to talk re expectations of when the sister takes over minding the kids / hands them back.

However, as a non child experienced person, I would be far from happy if someone expected that I’d take over minding kids just because we’re related. It is an inconvenience. Especially due to travel.

My first thought would be ‘why can’t you get a babysitter in the hotel’. Now maybe the sister doesn’t feel that way. If you are very sure she doesn’t feel like that, then your offering seems very OTT. If you’re not sure she feels that way, don’t ask her to put herself out to mind your kids

The_Honeybadger

If it was me I’d bring one family member or a reliable babysitter along and put them up in a room with the kids. Paying for two rooms with a cash gift on top is bonkers. Weddings are expensive enough as it is.

dudara

FYI - we’ve had some Reported Posts about the use of the initials “dh”. It’s not an individual’s initials. It’s mumsnet type shorthand for “husband”. We don’t use it here on Boards so not everyone may be familiar.

As a result, this is a gentle reminder to avoid using this kind of slang / shorthand.

dudara

I'd offer the money, just in case. If they accept it tells you something and you got off lightly with €150.

Always number 1

As others have said, confirm that she's definitely taking them the next day so you don't get a rude awakening from your kids an hour after you've left the residents bar.

While she is driving over 2 hours to mind them, you are paying for her room (which probably costs more now because she's bringing her hubby and kids) and her breakfast is included, you could cover the cost of their dinner the night she's minding your kids (if she's not invited to wedding) and IF she is taking them for most of the next day, you could cover lunch.
I wouldn't go with much more than that.

SirChenjin

I would agree with those who said to clarify how long you want her to mind the children for. Sounds like she will mostly just have them while they are asleep.
Personally, I think a gift on top of paying for a night away, for the family, with meals included, is too much.

I have minded children of siblings, and picked them up from weddings many times. I would not expect anything for it. I know if I wanted some help from any of them, they would gladly reciprocate.