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Any advice?

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  • 27-04-2018 8:35pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi!

    I've known I was gay since first year but have always kept it hidden. I told two of my family who we're fine about it and told 2 school friends who I am no longer close with. Lately I've been really torn between coming out and staying in the closet. In one respect I'm sick of not being my true self and being honest but in another I don't want to come out and always get gay jokes and homophobic comments all the time. I don't want to be in the changing room and everyone thinking I'm looking at them like I'm a predator.
    There is also this girl I like who I've liked for almost 4 years, there's been rumors that she's gay and even she knows about them but I don't think that she is. I'll never know if is have a shot with her if I never come out but is it worth enduring all the stigma that comes along with it?

    Thank you for taking the time to read my lengthy message, I'd really appreciate any input or advice.

    -Kate
    Tagged:


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    #2
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    You're still in school, so, okay... it might sound like an eternity but keeping it under-wraps for now, might be for the best - especially as you seem so uneasy about it.

    Do you live in a rural area or a city?

    If you live in a built up area, try get to an outreach house. There's lots of support groups for LGBT+ teenagers to go to and meet people in similar positions. These groups are usually very discreet and nobody there would out you. And it might just give you the opportunity to be yourself for a few hours a week, at least until you feel strong enough to come out completely.

    As for your crush on this other girl - who may or may not be gay - try to forget about her. I don't mean to sound harsh here, but the chances of the rumours being true are about 15:85 in favour of being straight, and even if she is gay, the chances of anything happening between you are minimum. Again, I don't say this to be mean, it's just reality. You seem to have put her up on a pedestal; to have formed an idealized notion of "what ifs".

    What you need to do is focus on you right now - relationships will come in time.

    I honestly believe reaching out to an LGBT youth group in or near your area is your best option. To explore yourself, to talk to other girls who are in the same boat. Who knows what will come of it. You could very likely find someone there who you really like and who likes you back.

    Well, that's my advice.

    Wishing you well, OP


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    #3
    Heebie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,302 ✭✭✭Heebie


    If you feel you're missing out on parts of your life that are important, maybe you need to come out, or just stop hiding without any "formal" announcement
    .
    Waiting until you're truly comfortable with it might be waiting too long. It was for me. I came out to two friends. They ended up outing me to my parents. I was nowhere near ready. If they hadn't done it, I might still be in the closet, though. I'm not sure I would have every been ready. (and it's been 33 years now.)

    I wish you luck in deciding what's right for you! It's not an easy decision.. but it's yours!


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