Finding referendum campaign and pregnancy stories difficult

squigglyd

Hey all.
I've posted here anonymously once or twice but anon posting doesn't seem to be working.

Myself and OH have recently made the decision to go ahead with IVF, starting in a few weeks time. I'm excited and nervous about the future, will it work, will it not work, how will we cope with the realities of parenthood, etc.? I'm sure these are all normal worries and mostly I'm looking forward to finally getting started, we've been trying without any success for 16 months now.

However with all of the campaigning going on for the referendum I'm finding there are a lot of 'horror' stories regarding pregancy online, in the news and so on about how many things can go badly wrong, how tough it can be etc. and I'm finding it very stressful and worrying. I'm completely sympathetic to the women telling their stories, maybe a little too much. I've always been worried about that side of pregnancy (the many things that can go wrong) and this seems to be making it worse for me despite the fact I want to get pregnant. Am I in the minority here? It just seems to be constantly in my face, online, posters, on tv, radio and I am finding it hard to relax and forget about it at times.

Cash_Q

squigglyd wrote:

However with all of the campaigning going on for the referendum I'm finding there are a lot of 'horror' stories regarding pregancy online, in the news and so on about how many things can go badly wrong, how tough it can be etc. and I'm finding it very stressful and worrying. I'm completely sympathetic to the women telling their stories, maybe a little too much. I've always been worried about that side of pregnancy (the many things that can go wrong) and this seems to be making it worse for me despite the fact I want to get pregnant. Am I in the minority here? It just seems to be constantly in my face, online, posters, on tv, radio and I am finding it hard to relax and forget about it at times.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm very happy and grateful to be 16w pregnant and of course I'm anxious that things go well. I am finding all the stories taking their toll on me, and I really do appreciate the place of privilege I am in to be able to say that. I have decided I just need to scroll past or change the channel now. I know which way I'm voting and I have so much sympathy for the tragic cases but I need to put my own mental wellbeing first.

We have all these milestones that we look to for reassurance in pregnancy; seeing the heartbeat, reaching 12 weeks etc, but so many couples have faced so many difficulties at 20, 30 weeks. It's hard not to worry. Worry won't change anything either way but it is hard. I had a little breakdown about it yesterday so my husband is booking us into another private scan for some peace of mind.

Best of luck on your journey, I hope things work out for you. Please try to find a way to switch off from the campaign regularly, you need to put yourself first, and any woman who's experienced those tragedies would tell you the same.

shesty

No you are not.
As with the poster above, I am in the position of being pregnant....very shortly due to give birth.I am finding the posters, the relentless discussions on the ins and outs of how pregnancy can go wrong, the whole debate by both sides to be very hard and it is beginning to wear a lot on me.As with the previous poster, I have had to make a choice to try to tune it out.I can't help but think ....."there but for the grace of god go I".....and to be honest I am still very nervous until I actually have the baby in my arms.I had bleeds and very early scans on all my pregnancies, and I think it is making it hit home even harder, having seen those early scans, early heartbeats, and having hoped like hell for the best outcome on each.
On my last birth, it coincided with the huge influx of refugees into Europe, and the stories of dying and dead kids every day......and honeslty it became too much to bear at one point and I had to consciously switch it all off.The 24/7 coverage of everything becomes too much at times, and I think withdrawing from it does everyone good.

AttentionBebe

I've unapologetically unfollowed and distanced myself completely from the campaign. Hearing about dead babies, fatal abnormalities and how the 8th will affect my care when I'm giving birth in a few weeks is more than I can cope with at the moment.

squigglyd

I've already hidden the 'In Her Shoes' page on Facebook and am avoiding other stuff where possible. You are all right, I need to look after my own head first. I already know how I will be voting so I don't feel I need any more info on that.

Thanks for all the replies - and best of luck to all three of you with your pregnancies and babies

Cash_Q

Best of luck with your ivf journey x

CCCHIA

Hi squigglyd, I feel the exact same, I'm on my TWW after our first IVF cycle, It's already a stressful and emotional time but the campaign often compounds this. I know what I am voting and despite this journey, my views have not changed. We've been trying to conceive for over two years now, I know its my imagination but I seem to see pregnant people EVERYWHERE!! And since the campaigns have started, its tripled!! I for one cannot wait until after the 25th of May. I did a sneaky test y'day and it was negative, got me down, watched two fatal fetal abnormality video stories and cried some more. My official test day isn't till next Tuesday so I'm going to try and remain positive - no more videos, no more reading FB posts, no more looking up (and seeing those terrible posters), no more.

I wish you the best on your IVF journey! The one amazing thing about this journey is that you'll realise how strong you are and you can face anything that life throws at you xoxoxo

squigglyd

Thank you very much CCCHIA and best of luck to you too (especially with the test today - look after yourself )

seamus

It's probably of little comfort, but one thing to remember in relation to pregnancy (and lots of things in fact), that people are waaay more inclined to share their bad experiences than their good ones.

Someone who has a "routine" pregnancy where they have a little (or maybe no) morning sickness, perfectly amicable pre-natal checks with nothing of note in them, and a straight forward birth with no complications and no nightmares - is not going to share that on facebook or on blogs or anywhere. When family ask, they'll say they were happy with how it went, they'll say pregnancy is tough, but they're not going to pen 20 paragraphs about it for the world to know.

Someone who's had a difficult experience will be more likely to want to share it. For their own therapeutic means, but also to let other people know that they're not alone in having had a tough time.

But the end result is that when you look online, the bad stories outweigh the good ten to one. Making it appear like every other pregnancy involves emergencies and heartache. Even TV programmes can over egg it a bit; opting to show the dramatic pregnancy stories rather than the "normal" ones. I say "normal" because I don't want to give the impression that I'm saying pregnancy is easy by default.

So I'd agree with others above that blocking campaign-related stuff is worthwhile, but also when reading forums and other similar stuff, try to keep in the back of your mind that people only share stories that they think others want to hear. And happy people tend to be quiet people

My suggestion would be maybe looking at something like One Born Every Minute. While it is made for entertainment, it's not made for shock value. It's about as honest a depiction as you'll get and the people selected are picked mostly for their personalities rather than selecting the ones with sad backstories. I think if anyone was worried about the end stages, you'd gain a lot of confidence watching that show.

Bets of luck!

CCCHIA

squigglyd wrote: »

Thank you very much CCCHIA and best of luck to you too (especially with the test today - look after yourself )

Thanks squigglyd, unfortunately its a negative for us this time, oh well, that's life. I wish you the best on your journey, the only advice is to have lots of distractions planned to get through this! Take care xx