Dating, straight date seems gay

MollyMockit

Wondering if anyone else has had the same experiences as me. I’m doing the whole online dating thing (with the same kind of results everyone else gets mostly 😒). One thing I have noticed is I have had dates with two different guys that seem gay to me! Specifically their mannerisms are what is described as slightly “camp” and I don’t get any sexual energy from them. I never imagined men feeling the need to stay in the closet nowadays. I have a lovely friendly dates with these men, we would have lots in common.
If I am not interested in meeting someone again I like to give the guy a considerate, reason why. I struggle to formulate a nice why of saying to a guy “ I don’t think we are compatible because I get sense that you have zero sexual interest in me”.

leggo

It doesn't matter if they're gay or not, and tbh you've no right to say it to them as, even if they are, they may not have reached that stage yet. And it's also extremely unlikely that you've managed to come across two closeted gay men that you're dating at the same time independently. That might happen to a person once in their life, not twice at the same time. So the likeliest scenario is that it's a narrative you're convincing yourself of.

You also don't need to date them either though, so if you want to end it do so. Keep your reasoning relevant without telling someone else how they feel or what they want (which is solid advice for any break-up in general). You don't feel that there's a romantic buzz there but enjoy spending time with them so would be open to friendship (if that's what you want because you say you love spending time with them). That's it really. If you're just in the early stages of dating, you can do this over text as a face-to-face would be a bit intense, then go from there.

Or do you want to figure out if they're attracted to you before doing this? Again, in this case, you can just ask without speculating on their sexuality as a whole.

woodchuck

MollyMockit wrote: »

I struggle to formulate a nice why of saying to a guy “ I don’t think we are compatible because I get sense that you have zero sexual interest in me”.

There's such a thing as being too honest! Something like "I had a great time tonight and had a lot of fun, but to be honest I'm not feeling any chemistry" would be fine.

Rekop dog

Peculiar thread. Just tell them you don't feel a spark, which is perfectly honest.

What do you hope to gain from telling them what you think their sexual orientation is? There's kind of a weird undercurrent of frustration from you here and I don't think being nice or helpful is your main intention.

Also agree with the poster who said it's highly unlikely that they actually both are.

blairbear

I have a friend who misreads sexuality constantly. She thinks men are gay all the time when they are blatantly not. She has quite a set-in-stone concept of straight and gay behaviours in men, which really are not applicable these days, if indeed they ever were. And by the same token, she never cops on that men who are out and proud are gay either, taking them for straight despite assertations to the contrary.

Honestly OP, if an adult man is going on dates with women in 2018 it is highly likely that he is attracted to women. But if you're not interested in him, his sexuality is none of your business. It should not be mentioned in any communication.

Big Bag of Chips

MollyMockit wrote: »

I struggle to formulate a nice why of saying to a guy “ I don’t think we are compatible because I get sense that you have zero sexual interest in me”.

Have you any sexual interest in him? Doubtful if you think he's camp, and that's something you don't exactly find attractive in a man. It's possible that neither of them are gay, it's possible they both are, it's possible they're bisexual. But if you feel nothing for them, then that's fine. You're not in a relationship with them, and if you're not feeling a spark, then it's likely he's not either. So "dumping" him will hardly come as a blow to the system for him!

If you get on as friends and have a lot in common then you could still meet up as friends if he was interested. I have loads of friends whose company I enjoy, and have loads in common with, but no attraction whatsoever!

Don't go down the road of "its not me, it's you". You're not feeling it for him. Say that, or say nothing at all.

GreeBo

MollyMockit wrote: »

Wondering if anyone else has had the same experiences as me. I’m doing the whole online dating thing (with the same kind of results everyone else gets mostly ��). One thing I have noticed is I have had dates with two different guys that seem gay to me! Specifically their mannerisms are what is described as slightly “camp” and I don’t get any sexual energy from them. I never imagined men feeling the need to stay in the closet nowadays. I have a lovely friendly dates with these men, we would have lots in common.
If I am not interested in meeting someone again I like to give the guy a considerate, reason why. I struggle to formulate a nice why of saying to a guy “ I don’t think we are compatible because I get sense that you have zero sexual interest in me”.

Are you sexually interested in either of them?

It could be "He's just not that into you" x 2

heretothere

You're over thinking what to say to him. I agree it'd polite not just drop off the face of the planet but 'I had great craic with you last night, just the chemistry wasn't there for me. Best of luck '
I also think it's very unlikely they are both closet gays, especially if you are not a teenager which it doesn't sound like you are. You just aren't attracted to them. We all have different tastes, I'm marrying a big, often dirty, red headed farmer. I can imagine some girls would run a mile and I'm sure the clean cut, suit wearing man they are attracted too just wouldn't float my boat either.

368100

They could possibly be straight and still have no sexual interest in you!

Shocking I know!

Emme

OP do you live in a small town or a rural area? Even though things have moved on it's much harder for people to come out as gay or lesbian outside cities.

Give the guys a chance. If there's no spark and you get on otherwise why not stay friends with them?

ginandtonicsky

Every second guy I meet online I feel no sexual energy with, the pure fact of him being male doesn't mean you're going to feel a sexual chemistry with him. In fact most guys you won't all going well. Humans are weird like that.

Lots of guys are camp, doesn't mean or infer a single thing about their sexuality, just means they're camp really.