Am I too attached?

Hormonalbitch

I've been dating this guy for just over 3 months, nearly 4. He's busy a lot due to work and on some days he sees his kids. Usually it's late by the time I get to see him, and because I've sleeping at my mums (I live at my dads) she wants me back by 12-1. I'm 16, and he is 28. Most of you may think of the age gap, and begin to hate on me, or feel concerned. But I live in the UK, and it's very much legal. Anyway, back to the point.

Whenever it's time I have to go back home, my chest hurts and I really don't want to go. My mum says she will phone the police if I stay round his, but my dad has no real problem, and lets me stay out as long as I like, even stay round his. Of the course the times don't bother me, as I get all the spare time he has. Whenever he is free I'm there, or he comes to my dads to see me. He makes the effort, but as he is that bit older, he has a lot less time than I do. I'm going into college in a few months time, so at the moment I should be focused on my GCSE's, but sometimes I just can't get him out of my head. Or the thought of having kids. The thought of birthing my own child, or even carrying his child, our child, makes me really...I don't know what to call it. Happy? Excited? Scared?

I will say I am not pregnant, I'm on the injection. I'm too young and definitely not ready to have a child just yet. I need my financial status in a good place, my own house or decent flat to rent, and to know that my partner will be there, I don't want to have to bring a child up without both of their parents.

He makes me dizzy, being close to him, or even just hearing his voice makes my stomach flip. What makes me fall even more for him, is how much I want to make him happy. I know I can, he makes me happy too. If he is more successful than me, then so be it. I won't be jealous, he deserves it. He works for what he gets.

I'm too attached to him, I find it difficult not to think about him and I want to spend all my time with him. I really don't know how to cope.

milli milli

OP I’m very open about age-gap relationships. I know a good few large age gap relationships but all these people are well grown adults.

Your relationship while technically may be legal is actually a little creepy in that your partner is at a vastly different life stage than you. You might feel grown up as a teenager but in all reality your body hasn’t reached maturity let alone your mental or emotional maturity.
This man also had children and at your age shouldn’t even be on your register.
Going out with your girlfriends, experimenting with makeup and clothes, going to gigs, figuring out what you’re into and what you’d like to do in the future. That’s what should be part of your world. Finding boys closer to your age (maybe slightly older) who are going through the same things as you are.

I am really questioning what a man of 28 would have in common with a 16 year old? It’s a little disturbing actually.
Your mum might seem like she doesn’t understand but really she is just looking out for you. Im sure she doesn’t want you to end up pregnant at 16 AND a stepmum to some older man’s kids. She wants you to have fun and experience all that life has to offer in your most carefree of years.

Arrival

I'm just in my mid twenties and if even an 18 or 19 year old girl showed interest in me I'd be too uncomfortable to date them. As above, past a certain point age differences don't matter anymore but one's stage in life does, so for example a 39 year old dating a 27 year old wouldn't be crazy as the 27 year old is more than likely heading towards wishing to settle down and start a family. You may think you're really mature and an adult, I would bet money on this guy filling your head with compliments about how mature you are as well, but You. Are. Not!. Believe me when you're even just 20 you will look back on how silly and immature you were when you were 16/17/18 and you'll do the same again at 25 about when you were 20/21/22. Stop trying to grow up and be an adult so fast; you WILL regret this massively!

If I knew a lad that age and found out he was with someone so young I'd be so creeped out by him that I wouldn't be able to associate with him. It would be in your best interest to end whatever that is and concentrate on your personal development because you're still in school/college and this is a critical time for you to be studying for good grades and deciding on what you want to do with your life.

Rekop dog

Yeah I agree with the above poster, if a friend of mine was dating a 16 year old I wouldn't want a thing to do with him. Its actually pretty uncomfortable to read OP and I know you'll probably adapt an "us against the world" attitude and not listen to all the advice given here by people who know more than you(or any 16 year old) possibly could due to adult life experience.

Your boyfriend would be classed as a paedophile in many countries, and most 16 year old still look like children so he more or less is regardless of whatever the age of consent is in UK.

Teyla Emmagan

Your poor mother. Just whatever you do do not get pregnant. This is going to end soon, probably horribly. Do not be left having a baby by the sort of creep who thinks sleeping with a 16 year old is okay when you are nearly 30. And you should be using condoms as well.

punisher5112

This sounds bizarre and totally like he is grooming you.

He has you thinking you're the only one and you need him yada yada.

Your parents are a mix on it and I'm surprised by your dad.

The guy is way too old for you and you need to sort out school,college and a career before going further.

He will be gone as soon as you have a kid.

bp

Ah to be 16 again! I dont want to come across as patronising so sorry if I do. I have nieces and nephews your age and they are lovely but so immature as was I at that age.

Speaking from experience he is using you. I will take a stab in the dark that he leaves things on a sour note sometimes but somehow it is your fault for not "understanding" what he is sacrificing for you. If he isnt he will do soon. I suppose he tells you "your mam doesn't understand us" or "your friends are jealous of what we have".

If he cared for you he would back off until your exams are done so you can get into uni and have the good life you want.

You are infatuated. I am happily married so trust me when the honeymoon period of compliments and him taking you on flashy dates wears off or is it just s*x? do you have anything in common? Have you met his family and friends? Do they know about you? You will never be his first priority, his child will be.

At 16 I thought I knew everything and got into stupid situations but looking back at myself I was naive and immature. I learned bur was still naive at 21 and finally less so about 25

Neyite

Mod:

Jacksie66, your post contained no advice for the OP, and fell short of the standard expected in this forum so it was deleted. Repeated posts along these lines may incur official warnings or bans.

Fakediamond

Hiya. I know you’re crazy in love with this guy right now. But think about it, your life is going to change so much in the next few years as you continue to mature and have new life experiences. I can absolutely guarantee you that you won’t be with him in five years time, even though you won’t believe that right now. So make decisions about your life on that basis. Get an education, which will give you independence and your own money. That way, you’ll always feel empowered in relationships. If he truly loves you, he should want that for you too. I suspect he doesn’t though, and is selling you a dream where he’ll take care of you. Oh if only life was that uncomplicated! Most of us change so much between the ages of 16 to 25 and, personally speaking, it took me that long to really figure out who I was and what I wanted. I’m much older now and I’m still working on it!

Please think about speaking to a counsellor about everything that’s going on in your life. It really helps to get another viewpoint on any situation and it will assist you in making the right decisions now that will stand to you in years to come.

TheBoyConor

OP i think you need to take a few deep breaths.

Lookit, you are 16. You should be out having fun with your friends, not getting into a serious relationship with a grown man almost twice your age that already has kids with a ex. Why would you involve yourself in such a situation?

Mark my words, if you stay in the relationship it'll all inevitably end in tears. You can't reasonably expect that at 16 you will spend your life with this fella, come on be realistic about it.

It's also very creepy that he is with a 16 year old girl.
Sure it might be legal in the UK but if this was in ireland he could be be arrested and be convicted of peedofilia.

Idle Passerby

Sorry OP but your post makes me so uncomfortable.

I know your of the age of consent yada yada but your still legally a school child. What realistic intentions could an adult man with kids and an ex partner to negotiate with, possibly have with a girl who is still in school? Your being used and abused. No decent adult has an interest in going out with a 16 year old. What an absolute creep he is!

You would do well to see him for what he is and get the hell out of this creepy situation.

The_Honeybadger

OP this guy is using you and it’ll inevitably end badly. Take the advice on this thread and concentrate on your own life and what you want for yourself in terms of education and career etc., don’t let the relationship distract you from that.

You are infatuated with this man so I don’t expect that you’ll break it off based on advice from random people on the internet, but if you take nothing else from this thread just please please please do not get pregnant by him. Good luck with it all

Mousewar

Hormonalbitch wrote: »

He makes me dizzy, being close to him, or even just hearing his voice makes my stomach flip.

Yeah you're infatuated. It's very normal. I remember experiencing it at your age for the first time and assuming that no one else in the world had ever felt like this. They have, most people have. For me, I was experiencing it with someone the same age as me, going through the same new experiences so it was even. You're experiencing it with someone old enough to be able to understand what is happening to you and most likely using it to take advantage of you. Sorry, it's not what you want to hear but you're writing here because you want people's opinions. Mine is the guy is taking advantage of you. The whole tone of your post implies you know this, that it's lurking at the edge of your mind but you don't want to face it. That's normal too. You're not doing anything wrong. But I'd break it off from this guy. That would be hard given how you're feeling right now and the pain of separation would be hard but it would be better in the long run. It really would. Take care.