People who describe themselves as "Curious"

JackTaylorFan

In a dating setting, whenever I hear someone describe themselves as "curious" I immediately begin to recoil. This phrase almost more than any other sets alarms bells ringing in the back of my mind. It's the idea that you are but a mere peculiarity; a novelty that will wane; a secretive fantasy; a one-off experience to the questioning mind of whomsoever utters the phrase "I've always been curious".

Am I the only one who can't stand these people?

Tigger

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

In a dating setting, whenever I hear someone describe themselves as "curious" I immediately begin to recoil. This phrase almost more than any other sets alarms bells ringing in the back of my mind. It's the idea that you are but a mere peculiarity; a novelty that will wane; a secretive fantasy; a one-off experience to the questioning mind of whomsoever utters the phrase "I've always been curious".

Am I the only one who can't stand these people?

Seems excessive
If a person wants to try a bit of different why does that make you hate them

JackTaylorFan

Tigger wrote: »

Seems excessive
If a person wants to try a bit of different why does that make you hate them

Didn't say "hate" - but in a dating context, I would avoid them like a plague for the reasons I have outlined. I'm not into satiating peoples' "curiosities".

Edit: I should add, when you state that you are transsexual on a dating profile in an effort to be as fair and truthful as possible - these types seek you out. And after a while it grates a bit.

Heebie

JackTaylorFan wrote:

Didn't say "hate" - but in a dating context, I would avoid them like a plague for the reasons I have outlined. I'm not into satiating peoples' "curiosities".

"Curious" people aren't usually looking for "dating," from what I've seen.
I'd rather see guys on Grindr who say they're curious than saying they're straight.
At least if they're curious, their minds should be open.

frag420

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Didn't say "hate" - but in a dating context, I would avoid them like a plague for the reasons I have outlined. I'm not into satiating peoples' "curiosities".

Edit: I should add, when you state that you are transsexual on a dating profile in an effort to be as fair and truthful as possible - these types seek you out. And after a while it grates a bit.

These types eh? Would be pretty hateful if those type as you put were to refer to anyone in the LGBT community as those types...wouldn’t you agree!?

And if it grates too much, use more lube!!

JackTaylorFan

frag420 wrote: »

And if it grates too much, use more lube!!

Ughh... your material is ****

JackTaylorFan

Heebie wrote: »

"Curious" people aren't usually looking for "dating," from what I've seen.

Yeah, I agree.

But my profile says specifically looking for serious - and yet the ones who message me most are the ones chancing their arm and who usually use lines such as "I've always been kind of curious". They have no intention of doing anything rather than experimenting, and nearly always act rather shady from the get-go.

I guess, I could ask would you entertain a person still in the closet - ause I certainly couldn't.

splinter65

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

In a dating setting, whenever I hear someone describe themselves as "curious" I immediately begin to recoil. This phrase almost more than any other sets alarms bells ringing in the back of my mind. It's the idea that you are but a mere peculiarity; a novelty that will wane; a secretive fantasy; a one-off experience to the questioning mind of whomsoever utters the phrase "I've always been curious".

Am I the only one who can't stand these people?

I know that, as a straight person, if I met a guy in a club and he told me he was gay but was curious about what it was like to be straight I would tell him to go and jump.

JackTaylorFan

splinter65 wrote: »

I know that, as a straight person, if I met a guy in a club and he told me he was gay but was curious about what it was like to be straight I would tell him to go and jump.

I'm assuming you're a woman, right? Just trying to get some perspective.

splinter65

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I'm assuming you're a woman, right? Just trying to get some perspective.

Yes I’m a woman .

JackTaylorFan

splinter65 wrote: »

Yes I’m a woman .

Okay, your initial reply makes sense now - and, yeah your reaction is pretty much mine too.

Ta

J_E

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

In a dating setting, whenever I hear someone describe themselves as "curious" I immediately begin to recoil. This phrase almost more than any other sets alarms bells ringing in the back of my mind. It's the idea that you are but a mere peculiarity; a novelty that will wane; a secretive fantasy; a one-off experience to the questioning mind of whomsoever utters the phrase "I've always been curious".

Am I the only one who can't stand these people?

Sometimes I am reminded that queer folk, even more so than straight folk, can be so judgemental of any kind of attribute or label a person assigns themselves. I really can't see the problem here. So what, if they have a curiosity to explore their sexuality? If anything, that kind of openness is not encouraged and celebrated enough in this world, on either side of the spectrum.

splinter65 wrote: »

I know that, as a straight person, if I met a guy in a club and he told me he was gay but was curious about what it was like to be straight I would tell him to go and jump.

Why though? Seems to never be a problem when a woman wants a 'handbag bff', so you would instead punish them for having an interest in opening up their sexuality and mind?

JackTaylorFan

J_E wrote: »

Sometimes I am reminded that queer folk, even more so than straight folk, can be so judgemental of any kind of attribute or label a person assigns themselves. I really can't see the problem here. So what, if they have a curiosity to explore their sexuality? If anything, that kind of openness is not encouraged and celebrated enough in this world, on either side of the spectrum.

I hardly think not wanting to be used as an experiment when seeking something long term is judgmental - but sure, go ahead with that narrative if it suits you.

If you want to help some guy explore I have no problem, as long as you both are up for it, that's cool. The issue I have is when these guys (and it is invariably men attached or otherwise) approach me.

J_E wrote: »

Why though? Seems to never be a problem when a woman wants a 'handbag bff', so you would instead punish them for having an interest in opening up their sexuality and mind?

Maybe, it's a male gay thing... or just a male thing... but most women I know are not really cool with being the guinea pig in a guy's sexual exploration

frag420

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Ughh... your material is ****

Thanks, so what 'type' would you like to pigeonhole me into?

If I were gay and intolerant of others perhaps I could join you in the 'Gay and intolerant of others who are not as 100% gay as me' type!?

JupiterKid

This thread shows that LGBT people can be just as judgemental and intolerant of others as bigoted straight people.

If you don't want a relationship with someone who is curious about exploring their sexuality, then simply don't. But don't expect to give out about it on this thread and expect everyone to agree with your opinion.

Goodshape

I'd encourage anyone's 'curiosity' to be honest. Have never been a fan of rigid labels and if a "straight" person want's to try a bit of the other, I think they should be free and able to go for it without having to change or add a new label to their collection ('gay', 'bi', etc.).

But I think the OP is talking more about relationship material, and that's fair enough too. I'm relationship orientated myself and probably wouldn't go on a date with a "curious" straight person.

Time and place, horses for courses, etc, etc.

seamus

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I hardly think not wanting to be used as an experiment when seeking something long term is judgmental - but sure, go ahead with that narrative if it suits you.

If you want to help some guy explore I have no problem, as long as you both are up for it, that's cool. The issue I have is when these guys (and it is invariably men attached or otherwise) approach me.

Do you not appreciate the fact that they're being upfront with you?

If they got in touch with you, you hooked up and they turned around and said, "Nah, I was just experimenting, lol. Seeya later.", would you not be way more pissed off?

Is it that much effort to say, "I'm not really into hookups, thanks but no thanks".

From a straight male perspective, if a woman came up and said she's lesbian but looking to "experiment", she'd get mixed responses. Some guys would jump at the chance, other guys wouldn't be into it. But I think everyone would appreciate her being forward about it and not revealing it the next day when she's sneaking out the door.

splinter65

If your curious about another sexual orientation then that’s fine. Go to a club or a bar and mix with the people there and socialize a bit. See if you feel physically attracted to people of the other sexual orientation. Don’t expect to hook up with someone and be physically intimate with them in any way just so you can see how it “feels”.
People have feelings people get hurt.
For some of us (lots of us) sex is not just a physical thing.

JackTaylorFan

seamus wrote: »

Do you not appreciate the fact that they're being upfront with you?

In my honest experience: they're rarely upfront about anything - they are pretty much closeted about their own sexuality and treat you as a thing rather than an actual human in their interactions.

seamus wrote: »

If they got in touch with you, you hooked up and they turned around and said, "Nah, I was just experimenting, lol. Seeya later.", would you not be way more pissed off?

Let's be clear here: not once have I ever hooked-up with one of these guys - they have wasted my time in the past with messages and the like. But either way, I think their attitude is entirely ****ty. Because they don't know how to talk to people like me they usually end up being offensive in so many other ways as well. Including using transphobic slurs such as "tranny" and "shemale" like it's perfectly acceptable. So yeah, I think I have a right to feel slightly agitated when that stuff arrives in my inbox

seamus wrote: »

Is it that much effort to say, "I'm not really into hookups, thanks but no thanks".

Oh, you mean, like it says in every dating profile I have ever had? Yeah, you'd think wouldn't ya... but nah...

seamus wrote: »

From a straight male perspective, if a woman came up and said she's lesbian but looking to "experiment", she'd get mixed responses. Some guys would jump at the chance, other guys wouldn't be into it. But I think everyone would appreciate her being forward about it and not revealing it the next day when she's sneaking out the door.

Again a male perspective.. again appreciated, but completely on different wavelengths here.

Thanks

JackTaylorFan

splinter65 wrote: »

If your curious about another sexual orientation then that’s fine. Go to a club or a bar and mix with the people there and socialize a bit. See if you feel physically attracted to people of the other sexual orientation. Don’t expect to hook up with someone and be physically intimate with them in any way just so you can see how it “feels”.
People have feelings people get hurt.
For some of us (lots of us) sex is not just a physical thing.

Quoted because it is absolutely spot on

JackTaylorFan

JupiterKid wrote: »

This thread shows that LGBT people can be just as judgemental and intolerant of others as bigoted straight people.

If you don't want a relationship with someone who is curious about exploring their sexuality, then simply don't. But don't expect to give out about it on this thread and expect everyone to agree with your opinion.

Oh, how patronising. Look, if you have a personal grievance - and it's clear both from this reply and the one in another thread that you do - and that's cool but I really couldn't give less of a **** what you think of me. And if you disagree, on this issue that's fine too. But don't try give me a lecture and position me as somebody who can't handle it when people differ in opinion - because I have proven time and again I am more than happy to have it out with people on Boards.

As for your actual point: how about the people who are just looking for experimentation stop preying on people like me - me, who is actually looking for a relationship (and is always very clear about that) and not to be used as some thing? Because that's the reality.

Heebie

If I found him attractive, and that he'd eventually come out, I'd entertain the idea.
I wouldn't say absolutely not without understanding his circumstances.

I was deeply closeted myself, and I remember how terrifying that was.
I was told, in no uncertain terms, "If I ever find out you're gay, I'll throw you out of the house." When I was 11. It totally destroyed any chance I might have had at a remotely normal adolescence.
Someone else might have similar reasons, and might need someone to stand with them in order to face those terrors. Having been there myself, I might be exactly whom he needs.

JackTaylorFan

Heebie wrote: »

If I found him attractive, and that he'd eventually come out, I'd entertain the idea.
I wouldn't say absolutely not without understanding his circumstances.

I was deeply closeted myself, and I remember how terrifying that was.
I was told, in no uncertain terms, "If I ever find out you're gay, I'll throw you out of the house." When I was 11. It totally destroyed any chance I might have had at a remotely normal adolescence.
Someone else might have similar reasons, and might need someone to stand with them in order to face those terrors. Having been there myself, I might be exactly whom he needs.

And you're perfectly entitled to feel that way. I can sympathize to a degree to people being fearful and in a closet. But that does not excuse some of the behaviour and attitudes I have encountered. To be honest, most of them don't ever seem that fearful - other than their partners and family finding out

baby and crumble

Can we please stop with all the generalisations in threads please? Not all people who are 'curious' are saying they are so because they're afraid of being outed. Some are genuinely curious and don't want to label themselves. Some people are assholes and will prey on anyone. Some people send dickpics and disgusting messages to anyone with a pulse.

JackTaylorFan

baby and crumble wrote: »

Can we please stop with all the generalisations in threads please? Not all people who are 'curious' are saying they are so because they're afraid of being outed..

Yes, and if you read the thread, you'd notice I've already made that point.

Again, if someone is genuinely questioning their sexuality that's fine. My problem is with the guys who approach me with the opening line "I've always been curious" and their general attitude towards transwomen in particular.

And I'll stop with the generalisations about people who label themselves as "curious" when they all stop acting like the clichés they are. Thanks.

Grey Wind

JupiterKid wrote: »

This thread shows that LGBT people can be just as judgemental and intolerant of others as bigoted straight people.

If you don't want a relationship with someone who is curious about exploring their sexuality, then simply don't. But don't expect to give out about it on this thread and expect everyone to agree with your opinion.

I don't think a trans woman being turned off by the way certain men approach her is really comparable to homophobia. Out of context, sure, there's no problem with someone being curious. But there's definitely certain types of "curious" people who come across as creeps, especially to someone who's trans.

JackTaylorFan

Grey Wind wrote: »

I don't think a trans woman being turned off by the way certain men approach her is really comparable to homophobia. Out of context, sure, there's no problem with someone being curious. But there's definitely certain types of "curious" people who come across as creeps, especially to someone who's trans.

Ta for that. People on here are all so quick to jump on the "you're just a bigot" bandwagon, and totally dismiss the actual experience of vulnerable minorities because it is an inconvenience to their own narrative.