What the heck is going on here,why would he do this?

lillyAnn

My older bf (46), told me(29) that this upcoming weekend we were not going to see each other because he was going to go back to the city where he lived before with his ex wife, and that he was going to do some things, like look for a ground (property) to build a house that his mom/him was interested in,, he is going to visit 2 friends, and was also going to go back to his Ex Wife home to look for some stuff that he still had there, (even though he has his storage over there) so I don’t even know why he still has some of his belongings wondering around in her house. And on top of that he will stay to sleep there.

He is a Latino and she is an American, so my theory is that maybe he married with her for the papers like many people do, but i figure out 10 years of being married to her would be too much just for ONLY papers!, or maybe he really did fall in love with her, only god knows,,They also have 2 dogs, they stay with her, but he adores these dogs, and has of what I can see some sort of attachment to them.

Am I overreacting here or is this too much??. He asked me if i was alright with him sleeping in her house or not!, I answered that i trusted him(stupid me,now I feel like a fool, cause this is wrong!! I did not want drama so I decided to not say how I felt), but now i feel angry and impotent. We have 2 months together they got divorce 5 years ago. What should i do? He is in his mid 40s and she is 58.

I Really don’t want an older man to make me look like a fool, what is your advice? break up or talk straight forward to him. He has been really nice,kind and generous with me I don’t want to screw it up, but I also don't want to be taken as an idiot/fool.

Emme

lillyAnn wrote: »

My older bf (46), told me(29) that this upcoming weekend we were not going to see each other because he was going to go back to the city where he lived before with his ex wife, and that he was going to do some things, like look for a ground (property) to build a house that his mom/him was interested in,, he is going to visit 2 friends, and was also going to go back to his Ex Wife home to look for some stuff that he still had there, (even though he has his storage over there) so I don’t even know why he still has some of his belongings wondering around in her house. And on top of that he will stay to sleep there.

He is a Latino and she is an American, so my theory is that maybe he married with her for the papers like many people do, but i figure out 10 years of being married to her would be too much just for ONLY papers!, or maybe he really did fall in love with her, only god knows,,They also have 2 dogs, they stay with her, but he adores these dogs, and has of what I can see some sort of attachment to them.

Am I overreacting here or is this too much??. He asked me if i was alright with him sleeping in her house or not!, I answered that i trusted him(stupid me,now I feel like a fool, cause this is wrong!! I did not want drama so I decided to not say how I felt), but now i feel angry and impotent. We have 2 months together they got divorce 5 years ago. What should i do? He is in his mid 40s and she is 58.

I Really don’t want an older man to make me look like a fool, what is your advice? break up or talk straight forward to him. He has been really nice,kind and generous with me I don’t want to screw it up, but I also don't want to be taken as an idiot/fool.

You're 29. Do you really want to get involved with something that seems like a headwreck? His ex-wife is 12 years older than him and you are 17 years younger than him, 29 years younger than his ex. I would say he'll be sleeping on the sofa or in the spare room. So no worries there more than likely.

I would worry about his baggage after a divorce 5 years ago. What are his long term plans for the dogs, surely 5 years is enough time to come to some solution and take all his stuff out of her house. Are they definitely divorced? You say he is going to build a house for/with his mother? Would you be happy living with him and his mother in another city if the relationship progressed? Latino cultures can be friendly but they can also be very traditional, especially with older generations. Where does his mother live now? If you lived in the house with her she might be the boss and he would more than likely side with her in disputes.

The age gap would not be a problem if he didn't have so much baggage. See how this weekend goes and give him a chance. However you are only with him 2 months so don't get serious too soon. Consider your own long term plans and realistically consider if he would fit in with them, all things considered.

He could well have married his ex-wife for papers but he would have been 30 and she 42 when they first got together, a smaller age gap than you and him. They may have split after some years like many other couples who didn't marry for papers. However there is a big difference between a woman 12 years his senior (his ex) and one 16 years his junior (you).

There is a lot going on with this guy and a long term relationship with him would take a lot of hard work and sacrifice on your part. It might not be worth it. Many women would just walk away.

work

lillyAnn wrote: »

My older bf (46), told me(29) that this upcoming weekend we were not going to see each other because he was going to go back to the city where he lived before with his ex wife, and that he was going to do some things, like look for a ground (property) to build a house that his mom/him was interested in,, he is going to visit 2 friends, and was also going to go back to his Ex Wife home to look for some stuff that he still had there, (even though he has his storage over there) so I don’t even know why he still has some of his belongings wondering around in her house. And on top of that he will stay to sleep there.

He is a Latino and she is an American, so my theory is that maybe he married with her for the papers like many people do, but i figure out 10 years of being married to her would be too much just for ONLY papers!, or maybe he really did fall in love with her, only god knows,,They also have 2 dogs, they stay with her, but he adores these dogs, and has of what I can see some sort of attachment to them.

Am I overreacting here or is this too much??. He asked me if i was alright with him sleeping in her house or not!, I answered that i trusted him(stupid me,now I feel like a fool, cause this is wrong!! I did not want drama so I decided to not say how I felt), but now i feel angry and impotent. We have 2 months together they got divorce 5 years ago. What should i do? He is in his mid 40s and she is 58.

I Really don’t want an older man to make me look like a fool, what is your advice? break up or talk straight forward to him. He has been really nice,kind and generous with me I don’t want to screw it up, but I also don't want to be taken as an idiot/fool.

Read your own post like someone else wrote it. It is like a script from Jeremy Kyle. If you don't like the script get off the show....in other words move on....complete train crash otherwise.

Rachiee

I dont see the problem with him staying at his ex wifes house maybe they are good friends but the age gap between you seems like it may be a problem in terms of life experience.

if you are stressed about this kind of stuff you always will be, is this what you want ?

leggo

I wouldn’t see 46 and 29 as a significant age gap, by 29 you’ve generally grown up so there’s none of the usual concerns you’d have with these setups such as someone vulnerable being taken advantage of etc.

That’s about the only thing that doesn’t concern me.

I was fine with the age gap, but then you said his ex is significantly older than him. So there’s a 29-year age gap between her and you. Who is this man? What is he looking for? Why did it take him 5 years to figure out stuff like where he would live or what would happen with his dogs? Why does he now want to build a home with his mother? Why can’t he just have a stable, normal life? Why do you know that but don’t know stuff like if his marriage was a sham or not? What is wrong with him?

This guy is asking you to share his mess of a life. I’d politely opt out. We all have our stuff, but at the start of a new relationship we try either get rid of that or push it to the background so we can set out what we’d like to do in our lives and how we can get there with this new person. Two months in and this lad can’t hide the absolute ****show that is his life, not only that but he also doesn’t seem to be self-aware in telling you all this, meaning that he doesn’t see anything wrong with it, and the stuff he’s probably pushing to the background is well worse. My gut says alcoholic or something along those lines where you just stop seeing a normal, stable life as even attainable because you’re so focused on one thing that causes destruction for you.

Stability is good OP. Whirlwinds like this can make for fun movies sometimes but are just recipes for pain and disappointment in the real world. Get rid while it’s still early and spend the rest of your life thanking god that you did.