8 year old out of control.

Kalnina

My son got diagnosed with autism when he was 3, he seem to be making good progress and was doing very well. Although for the last 6 months things have gone really bad. He keeps fighting at school and at the baby sitters house. He’s good for me at home but the minute he leaves the house he goes crazy.
I’ve been called to school to discuss his behaviour least ones a week and my baby sitter have given up and told me she no longer wants to mind him.
I’m very stuck at the moment and I’m afraid if he’s behaviour doesn’t change I will have to leave my job.
I keep talking to him, I have punished him for bad behaviour with taking away tv time etc, nothing seems to be working.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
Would anyone have any suggestions?
Thanks

Cash_Q

Does he respond well to Social Stories? If so maybe you could write one about all the positive behaviours he displays at home and how these are appropriate and desirable behaviours. You could then adapt this story to other settings like school and other people's houses and state the desired behaviours that he is able to display at home and how he can display these in other places too.

chicorytip

All I would say is that the word "autism" covers a wide spectrum and the condition is often misdiagnosed. He needs to be reassessed by a child psychologist. Are you rearing him alone or with a partner? I sympathise with you. It must be a very stressful situation. I think it would be best to explore treatments or therapies that do not involve the use of prescibed medication such as Ritalin which would probably cause more harm than good in the long run.

Kalnina

Cash_Q wrote: »

Does he respond well to Social Stories? If so maybe you could write one about all the positive behaviours he displays at home and how these are appropriate and desirable behaviours. You could then adapt this story to other settings like school and other people's houses and state the desired behaviours that he is able to display at home and how he can display these in other places too.

I haven’t tried that before. Must try. At this stage I’d do anything.
Thank you.

Kalnina

chicorytip wrote: »

All I would say is that the word "autism" covers a wide spectrum and the condition is often misdiagnosed. He needs to be reassessed by a child psychologist. Are you rearing him alone or with a partner? I sympathise with you. It must be a very stressful situation. I think it would be best to explore treatments or therapies that do not involve the use of prescibed medication such as Ritalin which would probably cause more harm than good in the long run.

Western care that we have here in mayo is working with him and he’s having assessments every now and again and he has an sna in school, but no one seems to be able to handle him. He has like violent outbursts.
I am by myself and also have a 6 year old who is often learning bad behaviour from his brother.

NeonCookies

I'd second above re social stories. Also making sure he's prepped for upcoming transitions, has a visual schedule for his day so he knows he's coming home later etc (I'm thinking this as you said he's fine until he leaves the house). Check similar strategies are being used in school too. Consider any changes or bad experiences at all recently that could have triggered this behaviour.

I'm also wondering about sensory issues - there's not a lot to go on in terms of this from the OP so this is purely my own musings so feel free to ignore if it's not relevant! If the sensory system is overloaded in any way (light, noise, tactile, vestibular - all perhaps unnoticeable to us!) it can lead to fight/flight responses. If his system is in this state then no amount of social stories or rewards/ punishment will work as he's completely dysregulated and unable to manage it.
It could also be the opposite and he could be seeking sensory experiences. Sensory seeking could include craving the deep pressure feeling gained by hitting something (that's if the fighting you referred to is physical!)
It's not always obvious if sensory issues are at play so careful observation and monitoring are required. If you think this could be the case a good OT assessment would be the way to go. There is lots that can be done to help regulate sensory issues once they're identified.

fritzelly

Am I right in thinking then that he is 3 and half years old? Or what age is he?

What changed 6 months ago?
Acting up because he is not at home with you is not by itself a symptom of autism.
Could be a symptom of he is getting old enough to maybe recognise you need to spend more time with his brother and feeling left out or dumped on someone else while his brother stays at home.
Too many things could be at play here to even give suggestions

Cash_Q

Kalnina wrote:

I haven’t tried that before. Must try. At this stage I’d do anything. Thank you.

There is an excellent book by Carol Gray which guides you when writing them. The main thing is to be explicit, be positive, and use first person language. I find images that accompany each sentence helpful too. For this reason I tend to use a word table when writing them and have one column with a picture and the other column with text. Pm me if you'd like any more advice on writing them.

Excellent advice above on sensory issues. If you do a Google image search for 'Vestibular cheat sheet' and 'propriception cheat sheet' you'll find these with a lilac/purple coloured heading. They give examples of behaviours that would appear to be seeking and avoiding such sensory experience and also ideas on meeting these sensory needs.

Visual timetable also key. Buy some sticky back Velcro and laminate the images for the schedule so it's durable easy to bring with you when transitioning from the house to other surroundings.

Kalnina

fritzelly wrote: »

Am I right in thinking then that he is 3 and half years old? Or what age is he?

What changed 6 months ago?
Acting up because he is not at home with you is not by itself a symptom of autism.
Could be a symptom of he is getting old enough to maybe recognise you need to spend more time with his brother and feeling left out or dumped on someone else while his brother stays at home.
Too many things could be at play here to even give suggestions

No no he was diagnosed with autism when he was 3, he is 8 now. He’s brother is 6 and he is in school aswel.

Kalnina

Cash_Q wrote: »

There is an excellent book by Carol Gray which guides you when writing them. The main thing is to be explicit, be positive, and use first person language. I find images that accompany each sentence helpful too. For this reason I tend to use a word table when writing them and have one column with a picture and the other column with text. Pm me if you'd like any more advice on writing them.

Excellent advice above on sensory issues. If you do a Google image search for 'Vestibular cheat sheet' and 'propriception cheat sheet' you'll find these with a lilac/purple coloured heading. They give examples of behaviours that would appear to be seeking and avoiding such sensory experience and also ideas on meeting these sensory needs.

Visual timetable also key. Buy some sticky back Velcro and laminate the images for the schedule so it's durable easy to bring with you when transitioning from the house to other surroundings.

Thank you, I will definitely try the stories. We used to have the time tables with pictures but as he got older he no longer used them, I’d say we have been without them for 2 years now. Maybe it’s tome to bring them back.

fritzelly

So what changed 6 months ago to bring this on - something at school maybe, some family problem he is picking up on...could be something that would affect any kid regardless of the autism

_Brian

You say you may have to leave your job.
I’d say if tuere is any way in the world you can leave your job and look after him then do.
He may be acting up because he feels he’s not getting enough of your time.

dividing his time between you and school may be enough, he may not feel able to have a third split with a child minder.

Kalnina

fritzelly wrote: »

So what changed 6 months ago to bring this on - something at school maybe, some family problem he is picking up on...could be something that would affect any kid regardless of the autism

I was trying to figure that out myself. But I don’t think anything have changed. He has been going to a child minder for 3 years now. He knows I’m always home at 6 and he knows when we’re getting up, he also knows that over weekends I’ll be home with him. We kinda do everything the same way we have been doing for years now. I’m not sure what is triggering it. At the start i was thinking it’s school bcz it was only happening in school, than about a month ago he started to act out at baby sitters.

fritzelly

Kalnina wrote: »

I was trying to figure that out myself. But I don’t think anything have changed. He has been going to a child minder for 3 years now. He knows I’m always home at 6 and he knows when we’re getting up, he also knows that over weekends I’ll be home with him. We kinda do everything the same way we have been doing for years now. I’m not sure what is triggering it. At the start i was thinking it’s school bcz it was only happening in school, than about a month ago he started to act out at baby sitters.

The babysitters could be a secondary symptom of something that happened at school, maybe due to the autism he isn't able to tell you or express what has upset him - could be something totally trivial to us but not to him.
Have you spoken to his teachers?

Re the leaving job comment above - hardly solving anything, just impressing on him that mom will always be around.

Kalnina

_Brian wrote: »

You say you may have to leave your job.
I’d say if tuere is any way in the world you can leave your job and look after him then do.
He may be acting up because he feels he’s not getting enough of your time.

dividing his time between you and school may be enough, he may not feel able to have a third split with a child minder.

I’d love nothing more than to be there for him all the time. But being by myself in rented accommodation with no job would mean we literally couldn’t survive.
My income is our only income.
That’s why I’m so worried that with this behaviour things could end up pretty bad.
Every evening we sit down and we talk and when I ask him what was wrong he just tells me he got angry. I suggest him things that he can do when he’s mad and he promises he will behave but the next day or two I get another call about violent outburst.
I have a meeting with a behaviour specialist that have worked with him before. But that’s only next week. I’ve taken days of work but I’m worried about him in school. It’s not only hard on the teachers and the other kids but it must be pretty bad for himself.

_Brian

Kalnina wrote: »

I’d love nothing more than to be there for him all the time. But being by myself in rented accommodation with no job would mean we literally couldn’t survive.
My income is our only income.
That’s why I’m so worried that with this behaviour things could end up pretty bad.
Every evening we sit down and we talk and when I ask him what was wrong he just tells me he got angry. I suggest him things that he can do when he’s mad and he promises he will behave but the next day or two I get another call about violent outburst.
I have a meeting with a behaviour specialist that have worked with him before. But that’s only next week. I’ve taken days of work but I’m worried about him in school. It’s not only hard on the teachers and the other kids but it must be pretty bad for himself.

I understand perfectly, I just took that maybe it was an option if a drastic one.

Kalnina

fritzelly wrote: »

The babysitters could be a secondary symptom of something that happened at school, maybe due to the autism he isn't able to tell you or express what has upset him - could be something totally trivial to us but not to him.
Have you spoken to his teachers?

Re the leaving job comment above - hardly solving anything, just impressing on him that mom will always be around.

I have and as long as they know Everything seems to be the same way, he gets upset when he has to learn things they haven’t done before and stuff. But that has always been like it and slowly gets used to it.
Next year he’s going to be in second class and he will have to change school. I can’t imagine how that is going to be for him.