Am i that much to blame

hsjsj

My boyfriend was supposed to give my parents his from his old Jack for their car but forgot to bring it up to then last time we where there. I don't live with him so I wasn't in his to remind him before we went to my parents. I should state he lives quite far from my parents at least an hour and a half by car. And I live two hours away by car. My parents got a puncture and ultimately blamed me for it, I apologised and offered solutions, I can't drive so I couldn't drive two hours to their rescue. My boyfriend is in work and I couldn't call him out of work to drive an hour and a half to go get them, but it seemed that's what they wanted. My solutions where not helpful apparently, I suggested they call and state they will be late for the event and call some close by friends from the town for a loan of a jack, but I was told to **** off and was told I as being arrogant. I understand that this situation wouldn't have been as bad if they had the jack and they were busy today but the way I saw it thinking about that wasn't helping. Anyway I have to go home this weekend and spend the whole weekend with my family for a family function. I felt I was treating my parents like fellow adults and trying to help them, but when I go back this weekend I feel I will be 'in trouble' as if I was a teenager again who broke the rules. I'm not looking forward to going back this weekend, I apologised about the situation but I feel that's not enough to stop them treating me like a bold child all weekend, Am I really that much to blame. Not going is not an option.

spankysue

I don't think you're at fault at all. It's your parents responsibility to have their own jack for their own car and neither you or your boyfriend are responsible for them not carrying the appropriate equipment in case of an emergency. Would it be your fault if they didn't have a spare wheel? Of course not so why would this be any different? Tell them to fcuk off if they start giving you hassle about it this weekend, not your car, not your problem.

Scraggs

Not even remotely your fault. I bet there were lots of solutions including local garages, neighbours/friends etc but they decided to blame/give you a hard time instead.

paw patrol

your parents are dopes..their lack of taking personal responsibility shows immense immaturity.

I'd ignore them for a while...

ironwalk

Not your problem at all OP.

I can understand that your parents might lash out if they got caught in bad weather with a flat tyre, and were late for an event. The frustration might lead me to be a bit annoyed with someone.....BUT, I would be apologising immediately afterwards, as clearly MY car=MY responsibility.

They're being a bit daft.
Is this a pattern, where you are blamed for things that are not your responsibility at all?

Sarn

Definitely not your fault. As mentioned above, they should have ensured that they had their own jack. I presume they broke or misplaced theirs?

Perhaps they should check their insurance policy to see if they have breakdown assist included in it for next time.

zoobizoo

It's a funny thing when you offer practical solutions but others just fixate on blame rather than fixing the problem.

Instead of asking "how best and quickly can we resolve this?" they want to pin the issue on someone.

You don't have to stay with them.

It's horrible when parents treat their adult children like kids.

Ursus Horribilis

What a strange story. This can't be the first time something like this has happened, is it?

questionmark?

It was the drivers fault. Whichever one of your parents was the driver set off without the proper equipment it's 100% their fault nobody elses. Ignore it OP and don't let it get to you.

Katgurl

It is not remotely your fault. Presumably they knew at your last visit you didn't have the spare jack with you? Even if you didn't tell them they should have double checked.

Family dynamics are complicated though. It's very easy for everyone here to tell you what you already know (they're in the wrong) but quite another for you to have to deal with them supporting each other's nonsense.

I would say try to be understanding in your head - maybe one of them flew off the handle and the other tried to pacify by blaming you - but detached in your actions.

Do you have to stay there this weekend? If yes, just have your own plans, don't get dragged into a row and try not to let them upset you.

Easier said than done but if you manage it your coping strategies will stand to you long-term.

punisher5112

Do they have fully comp insurance as they most likely have breakdown cover which would include Tyre change etc.

meeeeh

How the hell is someone driving for an hour and a half fastest solution to deal with a puncture? It was completely ridiculous request and that kind of helplessness from adults actually annoys me.

I had a puncture 5 minutes away from my parent's garage. It was during very busy period so I avoided my father and rang one of the employees hoping he will be softer touch. The reply I got was 'sure you know what to do'. And it was correct reply, an adult should be able to deal with a puncture or pay for help.

qwerty13

Your parents sound so unreasonable. Has your relationship with them always been like this?

The only way I’d have the tiniest bit of sympathy for them is if your BF went on and on re not buying a jack, and tried to act the hero about him sorting it - then did nothing, and if that was a repeated pattern with him, not following through.

They just sound bizarrely annoyed. Do they really dislike your BF? Is there any other issues going on with you and your parents?

Neyite

Is this part of a usual pattern of you being their whipping boy?