Confused?

cbyrne281

So here's what's up
I met my boyfriend in work a couple of years ago and at the time he was with a girl he met on Plenty of Fish. When he started dating her he deleted his account.
But when they broke up and me and him became a couple, I learned off him that someone was texting him on Plenty of Fish which just so happened to be one of my friends. He was listed as single, and looking for a relationship. I didn't know what to say to him.
But over the username he gave me, I knew what friend it was straight away because her and I use the same username and password for a wide variety of websites for the past 5 years. So I went onto the site and put in the username he gave and attempted the matching password and it worked. I seen the messages between them and he was complimenting her, calling her beautiful and because I was with him on the day they were talking he kept going to the bathroom every 5 minutes to reply to her. I lost it and deleted my friends account because I couldn't bare the thought of him texting her that way.
And recently a work colleague showed me his plenty of fish profile which shows he's still single and looking for a relationship, and he is active frequently.
I don't know what to do or how to approach him and say this as we had an argument last week about this and almost broke up. He thought that two girls that text him were me because they had no pictures.
What should I do guys?

gmisk

I think you already know the answer...
He still sees himself as single, you are wasting your time

BigCon

Run

baby and crumble

Moved from Social & Blogging, PI charted now applies.

Pelvis

Really? Do you really need to ask what you need to do here?

messy tessy

cbyrne281 wrote: »

I don't know what to do or how to approach him and say this as we had an argument last week about this and almost broke up

'Almost' broke up?! Why on earth would you want to stay with him?

Mozzeltoff

He's still using POF actively and hasn't changed his relationship status. You should just leave and be done with him.
Be honest yourself OP, why should you settle for his ****ty behaviour? Life's too short for that crap.

And as for your "friend", did she know you were seeing him?

Ursus Horribilis

Why have you set such low standards for yourself? Seriously, read back what you've written here. Your boyfriend has a consistent track record of messaging women off dating sites and is passing himself off as being single. Now why do you think that is? Because he likes discussing football results and poetry with them?

Should you choose to continue in this relationship, don't fool yourself into thinking anything will change. It won't. The only thing he might do is become cleverer at covering his tracks. He must have thought you were a gullible, incurious sort of person up until now if he made it that easy for you to find out what he was up to.

cbyrne281

Thank you everyone who answered.
I am wasting my time. I think I'll break up with him when I see him next, I don't have the heart to do it through text.
One of you asked why I lowered my standards so much, and I just want to say I have my own personal doubts about myself and don't have a single ounce of confidence. I'm not the nicest looking girl, not the fittest. I care too much and it can be a lot to handle. I suffer with anxiety and depression, and I try mask it and succeed most of the time but then I do have my bad days and it drives everyone away. It's a long story really

qwerty13

Even if you believe all the negatives you’ve described about yourself, no-one deserves to be treated as badly as your ‘boyfriend’ has treated you.

Even if you have issues that made the relationship one that he does don’t want to continue with, he should have actually broken up with you, not used you and strung you along like a fool.

From what you’ve described, he’s a horrible person, and I suspect that getting away from him would help your self-belief. He’s just not a decent person, and why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself?

qwerty13

PS: why on earth are you sharing a username / password? That is ridiculously foolish and you lose control of your personal data. Please stop doing this.

cbyrne281

qwerty13 wrote: »

PS: why on earth are you sharing a username / password? That is ridiculously foolish and you lose control of your personal data. Please stop doing this.

We used to share the username password in school and if I took it for google she would take it for facebook and I used it for snapchat so she used it for plenty of fish. And she knew me and him were dating but thought we broke up because he was showing as him being single.

Anyways he's been ignoring me all day yesterday and this morning, turned his phone off for the night. And because I can't handle this anymore I need to end it, my heart can't take this. I may be young, but I have an old heart and it's too weak for games.
So I'll be going up to his house, packing my stuff and then waiting for him to come home so I can talk to him then. This is gonna kill me I love him so much. And I'm being treated like complete **** off him and I don't know what I done to deserve it.

Tell me how

Both of you should run.
In opposite directions.

He's still acting single.
You're committing fraud to try to hold on to the relationship.

TheBoyConor

He thought that two girls that text him were me because they had no pictures.

Ah here! That has made my morning!
So he was leaving you to go to the bathroom every five minutes so he could secretly text you on plenty of fish!

OP it's simple. He's a dirty cheat. Dump him.

Larbre34

He's also not the brightest, anyone could cover their online tracks better than him. You should dump him for being dense if nothing else.

timmy880

Leave this guy immediately.

El Weirdo

cbyrne281 wrote: »

We used to share the username password in school and if I took it for google she would take it for facebook and I used it for snapchat so she used it for plenty of fish. And she knew me and him were dating but thought we broke up because he was showing as him being single.

Anyways he's been ignoring me all day yesterday and this morning, turned his phone off for the night. And because I can't handle this anymore I need to end it, my heart can't take this. I may be young, but I have an old heart and it's too weak for games.
So I'll be going up to his house, packing my stuff and then waiting for him to come home so I can talk to him then. This is gonna kill me I love him so much. And I'm being treated like complete **** off him and I don't know what I done to deserve it.

Why wait for him to come home? There's nothing to talk about.

Rubberchikken

Youve done nothing to deserve a boyfriend and friend like these people.
Let him go.
Youve worth much more than this and with time youll realise this. Good luck

amdublin

cbyrne281 wrote: »

And I'm being treated like complete **** off him and I don't know what I done to deserve it.

Yes he is treating you awful.
You did nothing to deserve it.

Finish with him now and move on with your head held high. I don't care what you look like. What your body shape is. You are human and no one deserves to be treated the way he has continued to treat you. Get rid of him before he hurts you more.

Ursus Horribilis

cbyrne281 wrote: »

One of you asked why I lowered my standards so much, and I just want to say I have my own personal doubts about myself and don't have a single ounce of confidence. I'm not the nicest looking girl, not the fittest. I care too much and it can be a lot to handle. I suffer with anxiety and depression, and I try mask it and succeed most of the time but then I do have my bad days and it drives everyone away. It's a long story really

I'm sorry to read this but really, none of it is any reason why you should stay with him. Unfortunately there are people in this world who are users and like to have the best of both worlds. Being in a relationship yet being free to trawl around looking for people to message and have sex with. He knows your self-esteem is so low that he can screw around without there being any consequences. I don't think you're going to end this despite all the advice you've been given. I bet you're absolutely terrified of being single because you believe you were lucky to even have him go out with you. You don't think any other man will look at you twice and you're already picking names for the cats you'll have when you're old.

Ironically, the longer you stay in this relationship the worse it'll be for you and your mental health. You can't possibly be feeling secure or loved when you know he's looking out for someone else. He hasn't treated you well up until now so why do you think that'll change in any way?

Have you ever tried to get help with your issues? For example, if you're struggling with your weight you could try joining the likes of Slimming World and getting help from people just like you. With the weather getting better you could start walking or cycling. If you can afford it, look into joining a gym and hiring a personal trainer. You could try visiting the hairdresser to get a new hairstyle or look into getting yourself a new look. Superficial things but ones that'll help you feel better about yourself. Have you ever gone for counselling/therapy or sought help for your other issues? Putting your energies into helping you would be a far better and more rewarding exercise than trying to hold onto this man. And as for not looking the best, have you ever tried looking around at the men and women who are out there. Most Irish people aren't Greek gods or goddesses, yet they're doing alright.

georgina toadbum

This is mad. He's playing you for a fool. Run.

Jay Pentatonic

You said you first met him years ago, but you haven't said how long you've been in a relationship.
...if you've been in a relationship for years & he has a POF profile & still acting single then Jesus Christ run!
If you've been in a relationship for months & he's secretly acting single then run!
To hell with this guy, just run! If he pleads for you to give him another shot, then that's just more red flags in my book.
Life's too short, your mind doesn't need to deal with this bullsh*t.

Edit: I'll put my hands up here, I've just re-read the thread and only now copped on that you've already decided to break up with him.
It takes a lot of courage & strength to do that, well done. I'm sure it hurts now, but in time you'll look back with pride. Wishing you the very best of luck for all that's ahead.

Crystalclare

Definitely run. You deserve so much better. You will meet someone who will treat you like a princess.
As other posters have said it’s time to change your username and passwords on all your accounts. It’s too dangerous. Wishing you all the very best.