Parenting advice!

Ttr2018

I have a nine year old that doesn't care about anything and went out of his way to break up my relationship .he only cares about getting things and is a jealous child and therefore attacked my partners two kids on two different occasions . He turned my family against me by being sympathetic to them and told them lies to get me and my partner into trouble. He is very sly and does things maliciously and everyone including teacher thinks he is a lovely boy. He makes a liar out of me constantly.its effecting my mental health my relationships and life in general, he is holding me back from living.this is going on two years im waiting on an appointment with a psychologist but if anyone has advice in the meantime that would be great. Ive tried everything with him and nothing works he doesn't care if I take toys, ground him ect

The Black Oil

Moved from Psychology to Parenting

shesty

Try Barnardos, I believe they have a service or help for parents who are having trouble with their kids.Not sure what it entails, but no harm having a look.

mordeith

Hard to offer advice without knowing the background but I take from your post his biological father is not around? Has the end of that relationship affected him badly?

2xj3hplqgsbkym

From reading your post I would be very concerned about your feelings towards your 9 year old child.
I think you should both attend counselling.
Can you afford to be seen privately?
Do you have a local resource centre that you can attend? They often provide free counselling for parents/ children.
I think you should try to get this service ASAP instead if waiting for a public appointment.

decky1

so sorry to hear of you trouble with your child, it makes my blood boil to hear a story like yours , i think in this day and age our children are spoiled somewhat due to parents giving in to them all the time , can you imagine what would have happen to a child like this 30 or 40 years ago , we'd have got a good slap and made to act properly towards adults, i have a grand daughter who is only 3 and i can see her going down the same road --she has to have what she wants when she wants it if not she roars the house down and ends up starting a row between her parents, to be quiet honest if it was up to me i'd go back to the 30 or 40 years ago method. hope you can find an answer.

pwurple

decky1 wrote: »

We'd have got a good slap and made to act properly towards adults

Yeah, the OP sounds stressed enough, I don't think bringing violence in here is going to help somehow.
Ttr2018, how does the boy "make a liar of you"? Are you bad-mouthing him to your family? It really sounds like you are taking your own problems out on this child.

cant26

Hi op. I really don’t want to sound judgmental here because you are obviously struggling with your son. However, please read back on your first post...calling him “sly” and “malicious” seems a bit much. He’s only 9 and you said it’s going on two years, kids push boundaries all the time and have a way to drive us mad. Now maybe your situation is more severe than that but I can guarantee if he’s picking up on your negative feeling towards him it’s not going to help. You said you’re waiting on an appointment. I’m assuming it’s for your son, I’d suggest you make an appointment to see someone yourself and maybe address the obvious negativity you feel towards your son. Best of luck with it all

decky1

pwurple wrote: »

Yeah, the OP sounds stressed enough, I don't think bringing violence in here is going to help somehow.
Ttr2018, how does the boy "make a liar of you"? Are you bad-mouthing him to your family? It really sounds like you are taking your own problems out on this child.

I did'nt mean to imply she should hit him, just wondering do you see what i mean there are no rules now for children-- now they do what they like and throw a tantrum if they don't get their own way and they grow into adults thinking the same , even in the justice system how many times do people get away with serious crimes -maybe a garda may have shouted at them in the course of questing or they did'nt get a little break while in custody and got 'Stressed' so the judge let's them off, it's time to stop and make them face the real world. my Grandmother used to say 'you can't put an old head on young shoulders' so maybe this lady will have to ride it out and see what happens in the future.

judeboy101

Send him to live with his other parent, simples.

January

judeboy101 wrote: »

Send him to live with his other parent, simples.

That's not always an option.

Gatling

Have you tried talking to his school at all ,
It seems to a typical case of angel in the classroom and demon at home ,i would reach out to the school and see if they can offer you or him any suggestions or support in these situations ,
It's something I've learned working with kids ,they can be master manipulators especially if they know how to push your buttons or know a weakness they can exploit ,
I'd start at the school and explain everything and then Bernardos ,
You need your own support too have you any close friends

pwurple

decky1 wrote: »

pwurple wrote: »

Yeah, the OP sounds stressed enough, I don't think bringing violence in here is going to help somehow.
Ttr2018, how does the boy "make a liar of you"? Are you bad-mouthing him to your family? It really sounds like you are taking your own problems out on this child.

I  did'nt  mean to imply she should hit him, just wondering do you see what i mean there are no rules now for children-- now they do what they like and throw a tantrum if they don't get their own way and they grow into adults thinking the same , even in the justice system how many times do people get away with serious crimes -maybe a garda may have shouted at them in the course of questing or they did'nt get a little break while in custody and got 'Stressed' so the judge let's them off, it's time to stop and make them face the real world. my Grandmother used to say 'you can't put an old head on young shoulders' so maybe this lady will have to ride it out and see what happens in the future.

You're jumping to quite conclusions about criminals and judges. If you read the original post, it says the boy is a model of good behaviour. 
"everyone including teacher thinks he is a lovely boy"
It's hard to tell, but it seems like there has been some relationship breakdown, or maybe bereavement... It's unclear if the new partner is related to the child or not. Seems odd to call the boy's father a partner, so assuming it's a new man in her life. It's fairly obvious that losing your father, a new fella arriving on the scene, with two new kids in tow, is going to be obviously disruptive to any child, and have an effect on behaviour. 

This tale reads like Cinderella.

decky1

there's loads of them young and old 'Street angle and house devil.

Neyite

Family counselling perhaps?

Without any specifics it's hard to advise and I can appreciate you may not want to disclose that in case it's identifying, so a few points to consider:

His behaviour at school and with other adults is fine. So it really appears that he only had difficulty with your relationship - I'm assuming your partner is not the child's dad. So maybe it was you moving the relationship along too soon, or trying to blend two families and expecting it to go without a hitch? At any age, and even when the parents are taking it very very slowly blending can be very fraught.

You sound frustrated and angry but I've no doubt that you do love your child underneath it all, but I'd really suggest counselling for you both - something is wrong somewhere that you aren't seeing and he does not know how to communicate it to you so a counseller to tease it out bit by bit and help you both with some strategies for communicating might help.