Views on contact with your ex

RealGunner

Is it ever ok to stay in regular contact with an ex?

LegacyUser

You're right..If she loved you she wouldn't be doing this..there's no way I'd jeopardise a relationship just to keep in touch with an ex. She's playing both of you

zapper55

I can understand why you'd be bothered but I think this issue is blinding you to all the other red flags. She's swearing she loves you after 4 weeks, put off breaking up with her ex because he was good to her so she was using him, doesn't seem to have taken any break between the two relationships and possibly can't be by herself.

You need to take a step back and be a but more objective, she doubts like a horrendous headwreck and that's only 4 weeks in??

leggo

^^^ nailed it.

Nothing about this sounds good. You went on a date while she was still going out with this guy and still went for it? OP it comes across like you really want a connection, and that’s fine, but I always say that if you settle for less it’s what you’ll always get. As stated, you’re barging through some massive red flags and finding yourself unhappy. She’s seeing that you’re putting up with this and continuing to push your limits, disrespecting you in doing so.

Ultimately it’s gotta be you who respects yourself before anyone else can. This person is showing you how she treats partners. Start respecting yourself here by opting out of being the next person she strings along.

Get Real

RealGunner wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Didn't love him

Anyway, we ended up getting together about 4 weeks ago. This other guy calls and texts her everyday saying how much he misses her etc etc...

but I am sure he has loads of friends which she has told me he doesn't. It sounds like he is emotionally blackmailing her into feeling guilty about ending it with him (How he can't move on etc...)

She assures me that she loves me

I just keep thinking if she loved me as much as she says then she wouldn't be doing this.

For your own sake OP I'd leave her. You start off talking about him.

She says she didn't love him-yet she loves you after 4 weeks?

You say this guy contacts her saying he misses her etc etc- but then you say if she loved you she wouldn't be doing this. So you've gotten emotionally involved already yourself.

Sounds like you could become original bf in time and you'll have been strung along. I wouldn't disregard her ex too quickly, in fact you may end up in a situation like him yourself. I wonder what his side of the story is?

Perhaps it's "I met this girl, we really clicked, things were going great and she said she loved me, then one night she went on a date with another guy"......

RealGunner

My original question was, is it ok to be in such regular context with an ex? I know he still wants her. If they were both on same page in terms of friendship then fair enough but he's contacting her everyday. Said she will reduce it but hasn't said she will stop. Says she is only person there for him etc etc....

Don't want this to ruin what we have as I am completely in love with her but this is completely getting inside my head and thoughts of what he's saying and everyday contact is starting to get too much for me and I fear it ruining everything.

Ursus Horribilis

In answer to your original question, no it's not OK. But from what you've told us, that's the least of your worries. You're so infatuated with her, you're unwilling to heed the warning signs. I think when this is all over, you'll read this thread again with new eyes and wish you'd taken the advice given here.

RealGunner

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

In answer to your original question, no it's not OK. But from what you've told us, that's the least of your worries. You're so infatuated with her, you're unwilling to heed the warning signs. I think when this is all over, you'll read this thread again with new eyes and wish you'd taken the advice given here.

What exactly are the warning signs?

beefburrito

She's monkey branching, it's a common thing these days.

It's going on a lot, you'll see it on dating sites quite a lot.

Especially the "want to date but nothing serious"
types.

They'll tell you they want to be with you, then they say they don't want you seeing someone else.
Meanwhile they're eyeing up potential prospects, the more attractive they are the more devious and manipulative.

They know they're hot but the next guy or woman is always better.

This usually stems from low self esteem and wanted to be wanted.

I myself made a conscious decision to go solo and enjoy my life.

Run Op run.....

You'll have less headache's, more money in your pocket,sleep better and have a clear conscious.

RealGunner

beefburrito wrote: »

She's monkey branching, it's a common thing these days.

It's going on a lot, you'll see it on dating sites quite a lot.

Especially the "want to date but nothing serious"
types.

They'll tell you they want to be with you, then they say they don't want you seeing someone else.
Meanwhile they're eyeing up potential prospects, the more attractive they are the more devious and manipulative.

They know they're hot but the next guy or woman is always better.

This usually stems from low self esteem and wanted to be wanted.

I myself made a conscious decision to go solo and enjoy my life.

Run Op run.....

You'll have less headache's, more money in your pocket,sleep better and have a clear conscious.

All this over me just asking is it ok to be in regular contact with an ex. All from his side and she engages it. Saying it won't be for too much longer

leggo

OP why did you make this thread? You gave a detailed account that unveiled a probable root cause of this behaviour and people picked up on it. You’re getting dynamite advice so far I’d say. But you’re editing your OP because you didn’t like what you heard, then when someone tells you more of what you don’t want to hear you argue with them. Do you want us to say her behaviour is okay? It’s not. It’s a bit mental frankly.

If you want to see this through to the bitter end, by all means it’s your life and nobody here is affected but yourself. But now you can’t say you weren’t warned.