So confused.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Found out that my girlfriend of 3 years (we're on the verge of moving in together) has been sending explicit pics and videos of herself to another guy for the last 6 months or so.

They have a few conversations of a non-sexual nature during the week but come the weekend (possibly drink involved ?) it turns sexual.

Him sending dick pics and her sending stuff like topless/bottomless photos and videos. And very sexual descriptions of what they would like to do to each other.

We have a good sex life, get on great and I love her but this has left me floored. Don't ask how I found out. Its not relevant.

Seems he lives at the other end of the country (Donegal/Kerry) and from their conversations its clear they have never met.

How do I even begin to approach this ? She doesn't know yet that I found this out and I'm finding it hard to even talk to her at the moment and she's wondering why I'm acting odd.

Shes away with work at the moment so I don't want to broach this in a phone call or skype etc.

Neyite

Don't move in with her. Cut your losses while you still can.

Unless you've agreed an open relationship, sexting is still cheating whether or not they've ever met. It's still a betrayal and destroys any trust in a relationship. Have a think about what your future here will entail. Wondering if she's being truthful when she says she got held up late at work? Wondering if she's really out with her friend Mary? Wondering who just texted her? Your head will be wrecked in no time.

I'd be texting her that she's dumped and that she and [dickpic] are welcome to each other.

silverharp

cut and run, a pretty binary decision , there is no plausible explaining herself or anything worth redeeming

Airyfairy12

Leave, its not worth the hassle.

sReq | uTeK

she’s away, not sure if you’re renting together on the verge of buying but if separate living spaces then great. Send her a text and get rid as fast as you can.

You can leave with your head held high

Ursus Horribilis

If this isn't a dealbreaker for you, I'd love to know what is. You can't even dismiss this as being a once-off or a drunken mistake. This has been going on for six months and she has kept all the messages. I don't know why you'd even want to save this relationship, seeing as she values you and it so cheaply. Even if you broach the subject and continue with the relationship, this is a cancer which will eat away at it. I can't see how you can ever trust her again. Unless you fancy becoming a doormat?

Mokuba

Break up and don't even give her the satisfaction of knowing why.

Cut her out of your life.

How could you possibly contemplate spending another minute with somebody who has betrayed you like this? You need to have some respect for yourself, because this woman has absolutely 0 respect for you.

There is no way back.

sallyanne12

What an absolute B***h seriously. How can some people be so heartless? The most important quality for a partner is loyalty and if you don't have that you have nothing. She is not your girlfriend, she is intimate with another man. I would agree with others, as easy as it is to say (I know it's harder to do) I would leave her. You will never be happy if you stay. I would advise to leave her with a full mind that you're not going back under any circumstance but let her know why. I'd at least love to hear her try to explain

Rubberchikken

Respect yourself. She certainly doesnt respect you.
Is this really the woman you want to be with?

zcorpian88

Get rid OP, you deserve better

Dog walker 1234

She wants it both ways. The security of you and the illicit excitement of sexting. She is not worth it. You deserve better. Cut all ties. More (and better) potential partners out there.

Best of luck.

AmIanIdiot/

AmIanIdiot/ wrote: »

Seems he lives at the other end of the country (Donegal/Kerry) and from their conversations its clear they have never met

Shes away with work at the moment so I don't want to broach this in a phone call or skype etc.

How can you be sure she’s not in Donegal/Kerry?

Big Bag of Chips

From your post it sounds like you want to talk this through. Face to face. Is that because you want the relationship to continue? If you are hoping that you will talk this through, she will admit everything and come up with a very real and understandable reason for doing this, apologise and you will both move on happy with it all behind you, then you are going to be very disappointed.

For a start, the first thing she will do is deny it. She will lie. Eventually when she realises she has been caught and can't deny it, the lies will keep coming. On top of that she will almost certainly spin this around to somehow being your fault. It will also be his fault, but not hers. She might even claim to be coerced or bullied into sending the pictures.

And after listening to days of her crying and lying, you will probably end up comforting and reassuring her, and if the relationship continues you will spend your life suspicious of her. Watching her. Your stomach will flip every time her phone beeps. You will be uneasy any time you are not with her. And this won't fade after a week or two. It will go on, and on.

So, if you want to speak to her face to face, to see what she says and maybe to give the relationship a chance that's fine. But know that people who cheat, and get caught cheating all follow much the same script. Some people can and do move forward from it. But you'll have to make that decision for yourself.

newboard

How do you know they've never met and that it's just over text? If it was more than texting how would you feel? I'm not saying it's definitely more than texting, but she clearly can't be trusted, so you have to ask to what extent she can't be trusted. It could be an old one night stand, could be an ex, could be someone she might through online dating. Either way it doesn't matter, she's betrayed your trust, repeatedly. Get rid of.

callaway92

By the way op, your username I see is AmIAnIdiot

No you’re not. You’ve done nothing wrong etc. just get away from her

Ultimate Seduction

Is she really away on a work trip on Easter Monday or is she banging him in some hotel. Send the txt to dump her, don't even give the reason. Then block her off everything and try move on.

If you stay with her after this, she knows she has you wrapped and it will continue.

As said above, it's not forgivable like a once off drunken thing.

Ursus Horribilis

callaway92 wrote: »

By the way op, your username I see is AmIAnIdiot

No you’re not. You’ve done nothing wrong etc. just get away from her

I don't think you are an idiot at the moment. But if you go ahead and move in with her after what she has done, it's definitely a question that's up for debate.

JackTaylorFan

Dump and run.

wiggle16

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

If this isn't a dealbreaker for you, I'd love to know what is.

^^^^^^^^^^ THIS.

Get away from her. You deserve better than this carry-on.