Blind date not happening

Perez2017

One of the girls at work asked me to go on a date with her friend. I text her she replied,we got on fine but it was always me who started the texting. I rang her,we had a great chat,asked her out and she said yeah. After the call it was still me who text first. Somedays shed text back and other days might take her until the next day to reply. I got the feeling she wasn't too keen so I text her saying if you want to meet up I'd love to and to give me a shout. She text me back saying no bother and she'd chat to me later. I haven't heard from her since. I feel like I shouldnt have issued her an ultimatum but on the other hand I felt I couldn't keep texting her first to mixed results. I just feel awkward with the friend at work,embarrassed I suppose because I couldn't arrange a date with her friend.

silverharp

just to clarify did you actually meet her? it reads like you asked her out but have just been texting?

Perez2017

silverharp wrote: »

just to clarify did you actually meet her? it reads like you asked her out but have just been texting?

No,haven't met at all.

Peanut2011

So why don't you call her and suggest to go for a coffee, at specific date / time?

That way you will know.

Perez2017

Peanut2011 wrote: »

So why don't you call her and suggest to go for a coffee, at specific date / time?

That way you will know.

I know but she's knows I'm keen,told her I was,just feel if she was really interested she would have contacted me. I just felt I was doing all the chasing.

GarIT

Just give up on it. Maybe tell the friend that set it up that she doesn’t seem interested so your’re giving up on it.

Peanut2011

Perez2017 wrote: »

I know but she's knows I'm keen,told her I was,just feel if she was really interested she would have contacted me. I just felt I was doing all the chasing.

Well this way you can actually find out. It's really up to you and if you want to invest more time.

How much do you know about this girl? Is she shy, maybe she is really busy, maybe she wants to see how interested you are or maybe she is playing hard to get.

Making concrete plan and calling her out will give you the answer. If she is not interested she will make excuses, without offering alternative day / time.

Then you know for sure and can be straight with your friend that you tried everything.

justfillmein

there is nothing for you to be embarassed about here.

you made the first move by texting her, and asked if she would like to go out.
I don't know why she agreed to go out, but then didn't actually set a date for a meet up. that seems a bit pointless.

I'd probably let this one go.

you have already made most of the effort and there is no point pushing when you are not getting anything back in return.

Perez2017

GarIT wrote: »

Just give up on it. Maybe tell the friend that set it up that she doesn’t seem interested so your’re giving up on it.

I think your right to be honest. I suppose I like her but the signals are not good. I think she feels pushed into it by the friend.

Perez2017

justfillmein wrote: »

there is nothing for you to be embarassed about here.

you made the first move by texting her, and asked if she would like to go out.
I don't know why she agreed to go out, but then didn't actually set a date for a meet up. that seems a bit pointless.

I'd probably let this one go.

you have already made most of the effort and there is no point pushing when you are not getting anything back in return.

I think your right,I should stop beating myself up. I suppose I'm shoving on and disappointed.

Ursus Horribilis

I wonder have you put her onto a little bit of a pedestal? You've never met her - all you have to go on is one phone call and texts. Neither are any guarantee that there'd have been any chemistry between you if you'd met in person. I think you're right about her feeling like she has been pushed into it by her friend. She doesn't sound like she wanted to meet up with you. Try not to take it personally. She probably would have felt the same with any man, seeing as her friend was the instigator of it.

Perez2017

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I wonder have you put her onto a little bit of a pedestal? You've never met her - all you have to go on is one phone call and texts. Neither are any guarantee that there'd have been any chemistry between you if you'd met in person. I think you're right about her feeling like she has been pushed into it by her friend. She doesn't sound like she wanted to meet up with you. Try not to take it personally. She probably would have felt the same with any man, seeing as her friend was the instigator of it.

I have definitely put her up on a pedestal,100% agree. I shouldn't be feeling so bad about the whole thing. Thanks for the nice words.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

No need to be embarassed with your work friend, if she asks just say "yeah we were chatting and got on, I said to her to give me a shout whenever she wants to meet up". Sure if anything she should be embarrassed for setting you up with such a flake!

If you're very keen on her I suppose it doesn't do any harm to shoot her another text next week with some specific plans "hiya, heading to *whatever event at whichever venue* this weekend, if you're around do you want to go together?". It is a possibility that she's very shy, very busy, or has some notion about not asking a man out. But it's very fair enough if you don't want to keep putting yourself out there like that.

Perez2017

Rocco Brief Recorder wrote: »

No need to be embarassed with your work friend, if she asks just say "yeah we were chatting and got on, I said to her to give me a shout whenever she wants to meet up". Sure if anything she should be embarrassed for setting you up with such a flake!

If you're very keen on her I suppose it doesn't do any harm to shoot her another text next week with some specific plans "hiya, heading to *whatever event at whichever venue* this weekend, if you're around do you want to go together?". It is a possibility that she's very shy, very busy, or has some notion about not asking a man out. But it's very fair enough if you don't want to keep putting yourself out there like that.

No,I think I'll leave it to be honest. All the signs are she isn't too keen. She knows I was keen. It rattled my confidence I suppose that I got her number and couldn't arrange a date but I'll have to get over that.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Perez2017 wrote: »

No,I think I'll leave it to be honest. All the signs are she isn't too keen. She knows I was keen. It rattled my confidence I suppose that I got her number and couldn't arrange a date but I'll have to get over that.

Ah you could arrange a date though, she wouldn't arrange a date. If I were in your shoes I'd leave it too probably. It's natural that it'd dent your confidence but the situation doesn't reflect on you at all

Perez2017

Rocco Brief Recorder wrote: »

Ah you could arrange a date though, she wouldn't arrange a date. If I were in your shoes I'd leave it too probably. It's natural that it'd dent your confidence but the situation doesn't reflect on you at all

Ha ha,thanks.

Ursus Horribilis

You're being way too hard on yourself. Like you've failed or something. From what I can see, you did nothing wrong at all. You made contact with her, you spoke to her on the phone and you asked her out. All perfectly reasonable, normal things to do. If she doesn't want to go on a blind date with you, or someone else, that's her choice. You've done your bit and I think the right thing to do now is leave it be. She knows where you stand and the ball's in her court.

Airyfairy12

Dont initiate contact with her again, if the friend at work says anything just tell her that her friends not interested. Its not embarrassing at all, its no reflection on you.

JackTaylorFan

Leave it. If she was interested she'd be texting you back within a reasonable time frame - not leaving you hanging on

A couple of possibilities:

a) She is in an awkward position because of your mutual friend's involvement and can't work up the courage to tell you flat out

b) She likes the attention you give her - and is happy to string you along until some new guy comes along to text

Sephiroth_dude

I'd leave it, don't bother saying anything to your work mate, you don't have to explain yourself to them.

leggo

I’m surprised nobody has said this yet...what if she’s just a bit shy and awkward? For your colleague to ask you to go on a date with her friend suggests they’ve talked about it and she’s game, so she’s expecting a date. Until then you two don’t know each other to really text that much and, having been in that situation a million times, it is really awkward trying to force chemistry with someone you’ve never met.

Ask her out to a particular place at a particular time. That’s what she signed up to so let her change the parameters. If she makes an excuse and doesn’t offer another date, then either she was only really looking for someone to text or maybe you were too passive and this one slid through the cracks so learn for next time. Easy.

Rodin

Get rid.
Already wrecking your head and you haven't even met her.

SterlingArcher

Perez2017 wrote: »

No,I think I'll leave it to be honest. All the signs are she isn't too keen. She knows I was keen. It rattled my confidence I suppose that I got her number and couldn't arrange a date but I'll have to get over that.

Haha rattled your confidence. What you on about jeevsy. You had the balls to asked her out even though you were getting the vibe she was half hearted. That took Steel. march onwards and up.

ibarelycare

I agree with the consensus; move on.

However for future reference you should be more assertive when asking someone on a date. A wishy-washy “would you like to do something sometime?” “Yeah sure” “ok great” doesn’t cut it. Don’t say “well let me know when”. If someone says yes to a date then say “great, are you free next Thursday?” and lay down concrete plans.

Perez2017

ibarelycare wrote: »

I agree with the consensus; move on.

However for future reference you should be more assertive when asking someone on a date. A wishy-washy “would you like to do something sometime?” “Yeah sure” “ok great” doesn’t cut it. Don’t say “well let me know when”. If someone says yes to a date then say “great, are you free next Thursday?” and lay down concrete plans.

Well I did ring her and said we could meet on Sunday. She said fine,I text her Saturday and she said she was sick. She didn't even mention the date Sunday. Warning signs there and then to be fair.

ibarelycare

Perez2017 wrote: »

Well I did ring her and said we could meet on Sunday. She said fine,I text her Saturday and she said she was sick. She didn't even mention the date Sunday. Warning signs there and then to be fair.

Ah ok you didn’t say that part (or else I missed it!) but yeah you have your answer. Onwards and upwards

justfillmein

so that was last week and you haven't heard from her since.
it sounds like it's not going to go anywhere.

she could end up sending a random guilty text but tbh, if it was me, I wouldn't entertain her again.
she had her chance and she made you second guess yourself. I'd have lost my patience already.

don't feel to bad about it though, it was too early days to let it get to you

Perez2017

justfillmein wrote: »

so that was last week and you haven't heard from her since.
it sounds like it's not going to go anywhere.

she could end up sending a random guilty text but tbh, if it was me, I wouldn't entertain her again.
she had her chance and she made you second guess yourself. I'd have lost my patience already.

don't feel to bad about it though, it was too early days to let it get to you

No haven't heard from her since,time to move on.

justfillmein

good man:)
give it two weeks and she will be out of your thoughts..