Anyone score highly in Section 2? Rate my attempt

FakePie

So, the statement I took was:

We are imperfect – cannot expect a perfect government:
I banged this out in 30 minutes or less:
Is there an actual dude we can send this too to have him rate it?

**
The ultimate cop out. What is transpiring in this statement, is the supposed opinion that, the imperfection of each individual, is reflected in a “grand mal” collective sense, as far as what a government ultimately delivers.

This completely neglects the simply put point of view that – minds working together, devise superior, more diverse and enlightened solutions, that those working in isolation.

Historically – the despot or singular ruler, has been given the scope to indulge in a variety of the most unfortunate ways, as to his own personal flaws; be they bloodlust, inhumanity, greed, megalomania.
Centuries of evidence tell the tale. From Burma, to Italy, to Germany, dating within this century alone.

The statement that these individual flaws are exemplifed or potentially magnified under communal rule, in itself fails to account for the fact that – as humans, our very egocentric nature, the will for our own personal sense of validation – will lend itself to the collision of opinions and desires, such that there could not possibly be one singular outcome consistent with the thoughts of one individual alone.

Having factored this into our interpretation of this lunacy-contrived statement, we can clearly identify the inherent flaw in its nature.

The fact of the matter is – government, is tasked to put aside personal differences, and collectively establish a strategy for the greater good.
The greater good: man, woman, child, baby – those in a state of infancy such that their consciousness is in that blissful period of obliviousness to the deviancy and inherently morbid and torturous paradox that is encapsulated within human existence.

For this reason – not only do we not expect perfect – we demand it.
Put simply – we should settle for nothing less.

To date – democracy and the fascist like agenda – they're the figurative apples to the oranges, the pure to the depraved, the elastic to the plastic – in the humanitarian sense.

The individual leader, granted infallible, unquestionable, pre-eminent authority – let's say it like this: his big head will exhibit as much restraint and cognizance, as his little head, following a period of abstinance, only to be set free in a house of uninhibited self indulgence.
You get that I'm drawing the comparison to his carnal impulses – yes?

What we attain, and what we expect, may not converge – may never converge.

But it's our duty, our civic obligation – to never let that expectation faulter.

**

Is it long enough - for one?

FakePie

I scored 69% on section one - though I went over the time by about 10 minutes.

I definitely need more mock papers to get used to their style of questioning....?

Celestial12

I think the piece is quite convoluted, and doesn't read well at all. Sorry.

There are essay grading services available. Can't comment on whether or not they're worth the cost as I didn't use them.

medennial

Your syntax is a little all over the place, especially in the first paragraph. I would go back to basics. Try and write something that you, yourself would enjoy reading. Structure your piece using well-formed and clear sentences.

From my reading of your piece it does not have a clear beginning, middle and end. In my experience, this is essential for a high scoring piece. However, I do like some of your points and think you have an excellent turn of phrase at times. "But it's our duty, our civic obligation – to never let that expectation faulter." - Falter - watch your spelling.

You go from flowing sentences that stutter and don't read well: "What is transpiring in this statement, is the supposed opinion that, the imperfection of each individual, is reflected in a “grand mal” collective sense, as far as what a government ultimately delivers" to very short, sharp ones that I don't believe contrast well, perhaps make an effort to add in some "medium" length sentences if that makes sense? Give the reader some variety.

Personally I like your ideas, and during the GAMSAT being a little outrageous (your big/little head comparison is humorous and is akin to something I wrote about dictators back in September) served me well when I sat it, however your writing style needs a lot of work. This might come down to practice. I know of essay correcting services but can't recommend any as I didn't use them.

This is only my opinion, but I did score 80 on S2 last September if that stands for anything.

FakePie

medennial wrote: »

Your syntax is a little all over the place, especially in the first paragraph. I would go back to basics. Try and write something that you, yourself would enjoy reading. Structure your piece using well-formed and clear sentences.

From my reading of your piece it does not have a clear beginning, middle and end. In my experience, this is essential for a high scoring piece. However, I do like some of your points and think you have an excellent turn of phrase at times. "But it's our duty, our civic obligation – to never let that expectation faulter." - Falter - watch your spelling.

You go from flowing sentences that stutter and don't read well: "What is transpiring in this statement, is the supposed opinion that, the imperfection of each individual, is reflected in a “grand mal” collective sense, as far as what a government ultimately delivers" to very short, sharp ones that I don't believe contrast well, perhaps make an effort to add in some "medium" length sentences if that makes sense? Give the reader some variety.

Personally I like your ideas, and during the GAMSAT being a little outrageous (your big/little head comparison is humorous and is akin to something I wrote about dictators back in September) served me well when I sat it, however your writing style needs a lot of work. This might come down to practice. I know of essay correcting services but can't recommend any as I didn't use them.

This is only my opinion, but I did score 80 on S2 last September if that stands for anything.

That definitely stands - and I'm always open to improvement.

As far as essay correction goes - I'd be primarily looking at more cost effective routes for the time being, until it gets closer to exam time.
So I''ll try whatever - if you got a few links to corrective services or maybe even a university lecturer that might have an interest in constructively criticizing less conventional writing styles?

I absolutely appreciate it doesn't, "flow", as it were - like more commonplace writing does.

But to be honest - prototypical writing styles bore me to tears; especially when exploring more complex topics.

I write as such, primarily from the influence of comic author Mark Twain, mainly cause - no matter how disinteresting the piece, his writing style would always keep me absorbed.


In terms of comparing that with certified high scoring pieces - notes wise I guess - would you have any recommendations as to where I'd go looking?
I got some ACER answered mock papers off library genesis.
The GOLD STANDARD notes seem to be marketed pretty heavily, and pricely?

Would you be open to sharing your written piece that you used in the exam?

Or any pdf's etc - I'd definitely avail of them (I think forum rules state these must be communicated via pm?).


I enjoy writing as I do, and reading pieces that I've wrote in that style - but I gotta take into account that, it may read as so unconventional that, a corrector might just think I've an awful means of using syntax.
Basically - I'd be looking at comparing my writing with high scored pieces, and modifying as necessary, specifically for the exam.

medennial

I'm not short changing you here by any means but I didn't use any prepared pieces in the exam.

The extent of my preparation for S2 was to try and write at least one essay a day in response to a statement under exam conditions (30 minute time constraint, 5 minute reading time etc). I also had about forty quotations learned off that I could fit into any scenario from poets, philosophers and dictators ranging from Ovid, Marx, Marcus Aurelis to Donald Trump.

I believe that writing for S2 is a skill that needs to be developed and practiced and this is what led to my high score, rather than having essays prepared and learned off going into the exam. It was a tough slog but I was so used to my daily pressure of debating with myself and having a half hour to do so that it took the fear out of the exam for me.

Frankly, I'm glad this is the method I chose to prepare because there is no way I would have ever prepared anything that came up for September's topics and I really had to dig deep in order to formulate any sort of response. A good bit of advice that my friend gave me (GAMSAT survivor, current GEMS student) was to be a little outrageous in my essay if I could but to still make it readable.

I recommend Des O'Neil's pdfs course on S2 it's what I used for my essay prompts each day, I can send you this if you want? No ideas on the essay correcting I'm afraid, have you tried the PagingDr forum?

futuremedic777

I got 63 in section 2 on Sept 2017's paper

I agree with medinnial and second the analysis

FakePie

medennial wrote: »

I'm not short changing you here by any means but I didn't use any prepared pieces in the exam.

The extent of my preparation for S2 was to try and write at least one essay a day in response to a statement under exam conditions (30 minute time constraint, 5 minute reading time etc). I also had about forty quotations learned off that I could fit into any scenario from poets, philosophers and dictators ranging from Ovid, Marx, Marcus Aurelis to Donald Trump.

I believe that writing for S2 is a skill that needs to be developed and practiced and this is what led to my high score, rather than having essays prepared and learned off going into the exam. It was a tough slog but I was so used to my daily pressure of debating with myself and having a half hour to do so that it took the fear out of the exam for me.

Frankly, I'm glad this is the method I chose to prepare because there is no way I would have ever prepared anything that came up for September's topics and I really had to dig deep in order to formulate any sort of response. A good bit of advice that my friend gave me (GAMSAT survivor, current GEMS student) was to be a little outrageous in my essay if I could but to still make it readable.

I recommend Des O'Neil's pdfs course on S2 it's what I used for my essay prompts each day, I can send you this if you want? No ideas on the essay correcting I'm afraid, have you tried the PagingDr forum?

Yes, please. 

I've had a look over section 3 also.

I think for me - probably for everyone, this may be the most challenging section.
I haven't had much time to spend on GAMSAT study the past few weeks but - it seems to me that's the part that will take the majority of prep work.