Hurt by friend

sallyanne12

I've been friends with a girl for 2 years and confided in her a lot. We both have something in common so would regularly discuss it. However, in the last few weeks, she's been very distant with me. She used to always message and would reply pretty much straight away whenever I messaged and she was always keen to meet me. I felt like she really liked having me as a friend and respected me. But recently she ignores a lot of my messages. She only messages me the odd time with small talk like "hey how are you" but when I message, I often get no reply. The last 3 times I asked her to meet up she made excuses yet she never tried to meet up any other time. Just before Christmas, I asked her if she wanted to meet for Christmas drinks and she suggested a location and said we would do it one day the following week (that was December)... But she never contacted me again about it and when i texted after Christmas suggesting drinks, she said she couldn't. She never seems to want to hang out like before and it's made me sad. She was away and I sent a message asking how her trip was but she ignored me. Then about a week later I messaged asking when she's back and she messaged today saying she got back last week and asked how I am. I replied and said I'm good and asked her holiday was and a few questions and no reply. I wanted to arrange to meet up with her but I can't if she won't even reply to my messages.., what can I do? I don't want to make an issue if there isn't one. We've never fought or anything so I don't want to start arguing. Did I do something wrong maybe that I'm unaware of? I feel upset and confused. Or does she just not see me as a friend like I see her... Would it be weird to just go ahead and ask her to meet up after her ignoring my last message, should I just leave her be now, or should I say something?

road_high

sallyanne12 wrote: »

<Snip> Do not quote the entire post

...what can you do? Not waste another second of your life obsessing over this person. Don't text them again, don't suggest meeting up don't do anything. For whatever reason I don't think they are interested in developing the friendship any further so the best thing for you to do is go live your own life as best you can and spent your time and energy on people that do.

memorystick

Ring her and ask what the problem is.

December2012

Ring her and ask her to meet up so you can hang out. You don't need to ask her what's going on. If she meets up it will come out naturally

If she says no you can ask her why, or you can take the hint she doesn't want to hang out.

Airyfairy12

Dont ring her, shes made herself clear.. she doesnt want to be friends. This constant one sided messaging is coming across as desperate and needy. You cant force someone to be your friend. I know its difficult and it hurts but you cant keep chasing someone. delete her number, block it if you must. Dont reply to her random check in messages, I can guarantee shes only doing this incase she ever needs something in the future. You'll be dropped just as quick as soon as she gets what she wants too.

GritBiscuit

If I was you I'd just cut my losses. You know you tried and for whatever reason, your efforts were not reciprocated. When the dynamics of a friendship makes you feel anxious and paranoid, hurt or sad then it has reached toxic friendship status and you owe it to yourself to walk away and put your time and energy into other healthy relationships.

Best of luck

Big Bag of Chips

People are always so quick to write everything off these days. You've been friends for 2 years and you say the last few weeks things have been different. Peoples lives and priorities shift and change all the time. I have friends who I could text for hours over and back, and then go through a phase of not texting at all, not replying immediately or might give one/two word answers. It's usually because life has gotten busy at that point. I have a friend of almost 30 years who texted me a couple of times last week trying to arrange two nights out. She got two very short messages saying I couldn't even think about them. Actually in one instance I didn't reply at all, and it was only when I bumped into her one day she asked me about it. The last few weeks have been so hectic with something I'm involved in, plus my children and things they are involved in, plus Easter holidays etc. I will see my friend when everything dies down, and she knows this, but if she posted here she'd be told to not waste her time, the 30 year friendship is over.

I'd give your friend a bit of time. If she's checking in with you every now and then it's because she is still thinking about you. But life goes in waves, and just because a friend doesn't still text you for hours or hasn't met up with you for a while doesn't mean you should just write the whole thing off. My friend and I might only actually get out to see each other a couple of times a year! But it hasn't lessened our friendship.

It's your choice, but I wouldn't be so quick to just dump the friendship like that, but you might have to accept that due to other things she's not as available as she used to be. If you only want to be her friend if you're in constant contact, that's your prerogative. But I'd wait and see what happens, and you might find you are capable of still having a friendship, just not like it has been up to now.

ManOfMystery

She could be depressed, she could be up the walls with a distracting work project, she could have a personal issue going on, she could have a medical issue, she could have a family issue ..................... none of us know.

What I do know is that texting is a handy way of communicating, but assessing the health of any relationship based on how quick people reply (or if they do reply) is not advised - it's hardly a barometer of things. My wife is ridiculously slow to reply to texts, but it doesn't mean there's an issue. 

A friend of mine abroad used to text a lot and then it reduced drastically for a month or two. Gave him a call one day to catch up and lo and behold, the relationship wasn't dying ............ he'd broken his finger badly, so had basically given up on texting as it took so long to do. 

Stop texting, ring her number and talk to her.

bertsmom

I'd just take it that's she's not that interested in maintaining a friendship with you or perhaps sees you as more of an acquaintance than friend.
Theese things happen and it doesn't mean anyone is in the wrong but having had a girl from work before insist on persuing a friendship with me when I had absolutely no interest in a friendship it can be hard from that point of view to try and not hurt someone's feelings whilst also not encourage them to be contacting you.
I'd say just move on and leave her be