Are there certain times when being ''rude'' is necessary?

nigel_wilson

Being polite is good but it seems to often that people don't realize your too often walked over specifically by people in authority if you're too polite with them.

I don't mean manners (yes sir/no sir, thank you, please) but 'polite behavior' (not aggressive) seems to be less effective from my experience when communicating with a doctor who doesn't seem to take you seriously. Perhaps blunt is a better word but there does seem to be a thin line for what is considered being rude and blunt when making a point.

Would you agree and would you ever be 'rude' with someone? I think so long as it's not harassing or threatening behavior then it's totally fine? Can't be goody two shoes all the time

El Weirdo

Fuck off.

cantdecide

Many people see agreeableness as a sign of weakness, IME. If you're too agreeable, you're likely to be pushed around especially in the work place. I know I have been in the past. It's a pretty common trope - the 'team player' being taken advantage of by the 'not my job' types.

Carry

Yes, there is.
For example: I have an American neighbour, ex-military, bible-swinging, gun-loving, gay-hating, Trump-loving and scrounger of the first degree (borrowing stuff and then not giving it back, claiming it was his in the first place - happened to me).
Still he believes that he is the "good guy" (his own words) while hurting your ears with all his crap how great Trump is, that Obama ruined America and that finally he is proud to be an American and that WW3 will certainly come (said with gleeful anticipation).

I never knew how rude I can be. So rude, that he actually said that he is scared of me. It was indeed necessary to shut him up and teach him some manners. Works so far.

Otherwise there are occasions when you have to put your foot down when people try to treat you as an esasily to be manipulated fool. Especially as a woman. If people don't respect you, you have to teach them a lesson or two.

Graces7

"Iron hand in velvet glove" fits.

There are times you need to let folk know the iron hand is there .

biko

nigel_wilson wrote: »

people don't realize your too often..if you're too polite

I don't mean to be rude but...

WoollyRedHat

Yes, if I ask for water at room temperature and somebody has the gall to serve me it below said room temperature, I am perfectly entitled to throw said water in that person's face. It's the only way they'll learn.

dudara

There’s a difference between being rude and being direct & assertive.

Rudeness is never acceptable.

razorblunt

Chuggers. Just the passive aggressive ones.

PandaPoo

I work in customer service and sometimes you just have to tell them they won't be getting their own way. They're usually disgusted and swear they'll never be back, then they're back the next day all smiles

Robsweezie

im a great believer in ''talk sh!t, get hit''. you come at someone with rudeness and aggression,you deservedly get it back. some people just need to be told, or they'll carry on treating everyone they meet the same way. just like you'd give a child a tap to discipline them and show them what's not ok, you need to do that with adults, verbally.

i love that scene in game of thrones where daenerys finally stands up to her dickhead abusive brother and whacks him over the head, after being passive for so long. now im not advocating violence, but you get the idea.

you can make excuses like maybe they're having a bad day etc, but if other people can manage civility, they should too.

assertive is key. nope, sorry, i wont be treated like that.

i definitely agree if you're too nice, you establish yourself as a doormat, open to abuse.

Rows Grower

dudara wrote: »

There’s a difference between being rude and being direct & assertive.

Rudeness is never acceptable.

What about when rudeness is very funny?

My son had two pals over for a sleepover last week, we were having some dinner to eat and one of the lads left a rasper of a fart.

It brought tears to my eyes it was so funny, my son nearly choked trying to stop laughing a good five minutes later.

It was a rude thing to do but under the circumstances we all thought it was acceptable.

seamus

No, there's never an excuse for rudeness. Rudeness is an inherent display of disrespect designed to assert aggressive dominance or faux superiority.

If you've had to resort to rudeness, then the only person you've disrespected is yourself by exposing the limits of your social skills.

Understandable perhaps if someone has been backed into a corner or had rudeness shown to them, but there are always ways of dealing with people that don't require you to lower yourself to rudeness.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Graces7 wrote: »

"Iron hand in velvet glove" fits.

There are times you need to let folk know the iron hand is there .

That expression refers to somebody normally quite harsh and horrible, but who covers it by faking politeness.

My mother often said that it can be hard, at times, to keep a civil tongue in your head but sometimes needs must.

There are of course times when you just have to let rip at somebody, if all other means of either reasoned argument or conciliation fail or if you're being taken advantage of. Though, if it's the last straw, it can often lead to you saying too much, or doing something, you'll later regret.

It's like the Boards mantra 'attack the post, not the poster'; difficult if you're banging your head off a wall, and then ends up with you being carded.

Trigger Happy

Replace 'rude' with 'lewd' and we can have a conversation.

Robsweezie

seamus wrote: »

No, there's never an excuse for rudeness. Rudeness is an inherent display of disrespect designed to assert aggressive dominance or faux superiority.

If you've had to resort to rudeness, then the only person you've disrespected is yourself by exposing the limits of your social skills.

Understandable perhaps if someone has been backed into a corner or had rudeness shown to them, but there are always ways of dealing with people that don't require you to lower yourself to rudeness.

its an inherently selfish act too, rudeness. snapping/screaming at someone because you dont get your own way. everyone else has to just suffer because you've been put out, gotten out the wrong side of the bed, or have a chip on your shoulder.

I know one or two like that and its such a gaping character flaw.

racso1975

seamus wrote: »

but there are always ways of dealing with people that don't require you to lower yourself to rudeness.

Kick to the balls or vag?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

When someone beings with,

"I don't mean to be rude but...."

Or

"With all due respect...."


You know what's coming next.

kunst nugget

There are times when you have to be rude. Like when you're having you're breakfast and Kate comes in talking…

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Replace 'rude' with 'lewd' and we can have a conversation.

No need to be crude.

Trigger Happy

Kyree Chubby Pawnshop wrote: »

No need to be crude.

Sorry Dude.

Royale with Cheese

I was picking up a rental car in Canada recently, and a guy at another desk was going apoplectic on them as he'd dropped the car back four hours late and didn't agree with the penalty fee they were charging him. "I'm going to reign shít about you on the internet" etc. It was really bad, and I actually starting laughing because he was making such a tit of himself. In the end he got his way, and stood there absolutely fúcking delighted with himself for about 10 minutes while they sorted it out. I think he actually told them quite smugly that he had to be aggressive in order to get what he wanted.

The girl I was dealing with commented on it and how it was the North American way, and they have to deal with that kind of thing a lot. I said you would never see that kind of behaviour in Ireland and she agreed. I would hate to see that kind of thing ever become acceptable over here.

ScouseMouse

nigel_wilson wrote: »

Being polite is good but it seems to often that people don't realize your too often walked over specifically by people in authority if you're too polite with them.

I don't mean manners (yes sir/no sir, thank you, please) but 'polite behavior' (not aggressive) seems to be less effective from my experience when communicating with a doctor who doesn't seem to take you seriously. Perhaps blunt is a better word but there does seem to be a thin line for what is considered being rude and blunt when making a point.

Would you agree and would you ever be 'rude' with someone? I think so long as it's not harassing or threatening behavior then it's totally fine? Can't be goody two shoes all the time

Most definately!

Standing in the AIB bank in Tallaght in the queue.
"Have you used the automated machines?"
"No thanks"
"They are often faster"
"No thanks"
"Would you like a demonstration?"
"Listen, WHAT PART OF NO DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?"

She left me alone......

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

mr chips

Only rudeness seems to work on certain door-to-door evangelists, of whatever sect, but especially the ones who turn up in pairs, with one or two kids in tow, and insist on handing you tracts made of that shiny paper that's useless for lighting fires. "No thanks, I'm not interested ... No thanks ... No ... Ok you need to leave now. Don't come back here and don't put anything through my letterbox again."

jimgoose

I'm a fan of the Teddy Roosevelt school of diplomacy. Speak softly, and carry a big stick.

Avatar MIA

Kyree Chubby Pawnshop wrote: »

No need to be crude.

Such a Prude.

biko

I get the feeling people often say "rude" when they meant "disagreed with me".

Graces7

ScouseMouse wrote: »

Most definately!

Standing in the AIB bank in Tallaght in the queue.
"Have you used the automated machines?"
"No thanks"
"They are often faster"
"No thanks"
"Would you like a demonstration?"
"Listen, WHAT PART OF NO DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?"

She left me alone......

lol...Had the same issues with B of I ; closed my account without a word after countless times being told aggressively to use the machine,

Graces7

biko wrote: »

I get the feeling people often say "rude" when they meant "disagreed with me".

Well said. I think the OP meant firm, opposed, rather than what we would call RUDE.

cantdecide

Actually

I was in Kathmandu with a broken shoulder blade, ribs and collar bone. My travels were over (I was meant to return to New Zealand but had to go home instead) and I needed help. I contacted my insurance company and their travel claims department is in Spain.

It went on like this
Me: "I'm in trouble, I've been told I'm too injured to fly and need to have surgery here"
Person A: "Okay let me ask you a few questions about the circumstances of the accident" - "okay, your travels are considered curtailed by your injuries so you're covered; we'll be in touch with instructions tomorrow". No further contact. Next day I call again before close of business
Me: "I was meant to get a call- what do I need to do?".
Person B: "Oh, we've determined that you're not covered actually"
Me: "but I was asked all those questions and was assured I was - how can you row back on that"
Person B: "oh errr, I'll look into it and call you back"
Again, I hear nothing the next day and call them back before close of business.
Person B: "Oh yes, you would qualify but we've discovered something else about your case so you're not covered"
Me: "Hang on - that information is flat out an incorrect assumption - I can debunk that easily"
Person B: "oh errr.. I'll look into that and get back to you"
Again, no contact. Next day, same routine.
Person A(again): "Your case is straight forward - I don't understand the delays - I'll call you back"
Person "B calls back for the first time: "Our medical experts have looked at the xrays and determined that you're trip has not been curtailed well enough to resume your travels so you can't claim".
Me: "I have a letter from the orthopedic surgeon stating that I need urgent surgery and that my travels are finished and I need to return home to recover for 6-12 months. Your colleague told me this is considered curtailment which is fully covered- please explain what part of my situation is not curtailment"

At that point they tried to side step repatriation which was a key part of the insurance. I had missed the return flight to Auckland while I was limping to Kathmandu. The whole thing repeated regarding repatriation.

Two things I'm certain about from my experience was that for Person B, this was a game of cat and mouse and the other thing is if I hadn't been extremely rude, they would have been happy to let me rot. I was never more rude to strangers in my life but in this case, person B was responding to me with glee every time she thought she had me on the ropes. Definitely a touch of sociopathy about that lady and I'm glad I'll never hear that voice again.

When I finally presented at the hospital for the surgery, the surgeon's staff were laughing at me and asking where I had been for the two weeks since the accident I told them "it took ten days to get to Kathmandu and four more days fighting with my insurance company".

They eventually covered everything but I can assure you they made my life miserable in the meantime.

spurious

"Hello Sir, I am calling you from Windows. How are you today Sir?"

Boom_Bap

Every time Vodafone call me, which is about twice a week at this stage, I warm them that I'm going to sound rude, but i'm not being rude at them, it's their policy. They say OK and go ahead with the call.

Then they ask me, who they have cold called, to provide my name, address and whatever else and I refuse to give it to them because they have cold called me. They don't understand why I wont give it to them unsolicited personal information so that they can give me their magical offer that is going to ram my pockets with savings.

Then I end up asking them for their personal address and phone number, I sound super rude, but I'm just making the point that you just don't hand that sh*t out to strangers.

I ask to be put on some sort of no call list as I'm sick of the same shpeil, they promise me they will, until the phone rings 2 days later.

Cycle. Repeat.

jimgoose

Boom_Bap wrote: »

...Cycle. Repeat.

You forgot to tell them that you'll be recording the call for training purposes, and also for remanufacture into delicious Data-Paste to nourish the Zuckerbaby.

Lackey

[QUOTE=Royale with Cheese;106542. I said you would never see that kind of behaviour in Ireland and she agreed. I would hate to see that kind of thing ever become acceptable over here.[/QUOTE]

I'm guessing you don't work in retail or a customer service role Its never acceptable but it happens regularly. :mad:

Boom_Bap

jimgoose wrote: »

You forgot to tell them that you'll be recording the call for training purposes, and also for remanufacture into delicious Data-Paste to nourish the Zuckerbaby.

I must actually start recording them and make a collage of the confused answers.

Royale with Cheese

Lackey wrote: »

I'm guessing you don't work in retail or a customer service role Its never acceptable but it happens regularly. :mad:

Nah I've heard people in Ireland give shít to customer service and have had jobs dealing with some asshole customers, but it was nothing like this.

Sleeper12

Cold callers that won't take a polite no.

In my business (very occasionally) I can get someone that just refuses to listen to you. I'm autistic & can only take so much of someone talking over me on the phone. I have been known to say that I'm hanging up now & please in future keep all correspondence to email. I then hang up. I've had Facebook posts calling me a pig etc but I can only repeat myself so many times on the phone. Bad reviews don't help any business but I am what I am

Deise Vu

The only time being rude is acceptable is when dealing with French people. You might feel bad about yourself but don't sweat it, they have no concept of the idea themselves, absolutely anything goes.

jimgoose

Deise Vu wrote: »

The only time being rude is acceptable is when dealing with French people. You might feel bad about yourself but don't sweat it, they have no concept of the idea themselves, absolutely anything goes.

Also, don't forget to wave your private parts at their Aunties.

Deise Vu

jimgoose wrote: »

Also, don't forget to wave your private parts at their Aunties.

A (slightly dopey) English friend of mine was trying to sell Agri machinery to a French farmer. While they were discussing the various finance options in front of the farm house, the Farmer whipped out his mickey and took a piss. I asked the friend what he did and he said "what could I do? I whipped out me own and joined him."

jimgoose

Deise Vu wrote: »

A (slightly dopey) English friend of mine was trying to sell Agri machinery to a French farmer. While they were discussing the various finance options in front of the farm house, the Farmer whipped out his mickey and took a piss. I asked the friend what he did and he said "what could I do? I whipped out me own and joined him."

Yes, that's probably the best way of dealing with them, especially the rustic types down Valbonne direction. :pac::pac::pac:

somefeen

Surely anyone that sees friendliness and manners as a sign of weakness is in for a shock.

jimgoose

somefeen wrote: »

Surely anyone that sees friendliness and manners as a sign of weakness is in for a shock.

Such people are generally pigs, and sooner or later they invariably get manners put on them.