Seeking info - crossdressing boyfriend

Brokenheart18

Hi all,

I have just recently found out that my boyfriend of nearly 10 years is a crossdresser and I am wondering if there are any recommended books I can read or sites that may answer some questions I have.

Thanks

AMKC

Hello OP,
There is no need to be broken hearted. Just because your boyfriend wants to wear other clothes does not mean he is gay or bisexual. You should talk to him about it. Communication in a relationship is very important. In the end do they are just clothes. He might even look really good in a dress or a skirt. Think of all the new things this could lead to in the bedroom. It could be a great way to spice things up. Ye could keep it just between your selves or only who you know will not mind and who you both do not mind knowing about it.

http://www.gurl.com/2016/06/21/tips-on-what-to-do-if-your-boyfriend-is-a-cross-dresser/

https://www.counsellors-online.co.uk/why-do-men-crossdress-counselling-support/

https://www.google.ie/search?q=why+does+my+boyfriend+crossdress&rlz=1C1CHBD_enIE772IE772&oq=why+does+my+boyfriend+crossdress&aqs=chrome..69i57.25951j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

There is a few links that might help you to understand your boyfriend and see that there is nothing wrong with it.

JackTaylorFan

Totally disagree with the reply above: Crossdressing is a sexual fetish that the LGBT community are trying to whitewash and destigmatise. If I were OP I'd be wondering how, where, who and what her BF has been doing to satisfy this fetish.

fritzelly

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Totally disagree with the reply above: Crossdressing is a sexual fetish that the LGBT community are trying to whitewash and destigmatise. If I were OP I'd be wondering how, where, who and what her BF has been doing to satisfy this fetish.

Most cross dressers are fully straight men that have no inkling of gayness in them but just like dressing in woman's clothes.

JackTaylorFan

fritzelly wrote: »

Most cross dressers are fully straight men that have no inkling of gayness in them but just like dressing in woman's clothes.

Awww.. How naive...

The old they just like the "comfort" of women's clothing routine... Yeah, cause bras, heels, stocking and g-string panties are the epitome of comfort...

I've also had the misfortune of being propositioned by these same "straight" men you claim exist only to wear comfortable clothing - mostly partnered up or married by the way and totally in the closet. I've had these "straight" guys message me on dating apps - because they confuse my being transgender with the gross **** their into - asking me to come have play time with them when the wife is away. And would I like to try on the mother of their children's negligee and do our make-up together. It's seedy as ****

But you go sell that not sexual at all **** to someone dumb enough to buy it

Goodshape

JackTaylorFan, those sound like bad experiences but none of your anecdotes suggest that the same must be true for the OP.

There's also nothing "wrong" with having a sexual fetish, if it is that, and the LGBT community is right to destigmatize that. On it's own it says nothing about the relationship between the OP and her boyfriend.

Brokenheart18

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Totally disagree with the reply above: Crossdressing is a sexual fetish that the LGBT community are trying to whitewash and destigmatise. If I were OP I'd be wondering how, where, who and what her BF has been doing to satisfy this fetish.

Hi JackTaylorFan,

Thank you for your reply. He has been cheating on me with men from the internet while crossdressing yet is adamant he does not want to be a woman. He says he has dressed from a young age and it has only recently progressed to acts with random men. Not for one second did I have any inkling of anything like this as he is the last person I would’ve expected to have such interests. I have more questions than answers in relation to this whole situation which is why I was seeking advice/info.

Brokenheart18

fritzelly wrote: »

Most cross dressers are fully straight men that have no inkling of gayness in them but just like dressing in woman's clothes.

Hi Fritzelly,

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Just wondering if you could comment as to whether cross dressing always stays with dressing in women’s clothes or does it often progress to involving acts with men while dressed up? And if so what are the reasons for this?

Tell me how

Brokenheart18 wrote: »

Hi JackTaylorFan,

Thank you for your reply. He has been cheating on me with men from the internet while crossdressing yet is adamant he does not want to be a woman. He says he has dressed from a young age and it has only recently progressed to acts with random men. Not for one second did I have any inkling of anything like this as he is the last person I would’ve expected to have such interests. I have more questions than answers in relation to this whole situation which is why I was seeking advice/info.

Would you not be more concerned about this part rather than the crossdressing element?

Or have ye an open relationship, I don't think ye do given you refer to it as cheating...

I cannot give any guidance or advice or even an opinion I'm afraid as I am straight with no experience of crossdressing motivations but I was reading the thread and the above struck me as a bit strange.

Brokenheart18

Tell me how wrote: »

Would you not be more concerned about this part rather than the crossdressing element?

Or have ye an open relationship, I don't think ye do given you refer to it as cheating...

Hi Tell me how,

Yes this is a huge concern too which is having a major impact on me but I am just trying to understand whether that is a common occurrence or a need that someone who crossdresses has. It is by no means ok as it is cheating when we were not in an open relationship but I am trying to learn what I can about crossdressing and everything that goes along with it so I can try make sense of the situation in my own head.

Tell me how

Brokenheart18 wrote: »

Hi Tell me how,

Yes this is a huge concern too which is having a major impact on me but I am just trying to understand whether that is a common occurrence or a need that someone who crossdresses has. It is by no means ok as it is cheating when we were not in an open relationship but I am trying to learn what I can about crossdressing and everything that goes along with it so I can try make sense of the situation in my own head.

As I said, I cannot give any advice on the cross dressing interest. I hope you get to a place where you can understand what all this means for you and then act on that appropriately.

AndrewJRenko

Brokenheart18 wrote: »

Hi JackTaylorFan,

Thank you for your reply. He has been cheating on me with men from the internet while crossdressing yet is adamant he does not want to be a woman. He says he has dressed from a young age and it has only recently progressed to acts with random men.

Are you saying that he is connecting to people online (webcam sex) or meeting up with guys in real life?

Brokenheart18

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

Are you saying that he is connecting to people online (webcam sex) or meeting up with guys in real life?

Hi AndrewJRenko,

I’m saying he was meeting up with guys in real life.

368100

Brokenheart18 wrote: »

Hi AndrewJRenko,

I’m saying he was meeting up with guys in real life.

Not a nice thought but you should get yourself checked out for STIs .....need to protect yourself.

As for what to do.....regardless of the crossdressing he has cheated......if he cheated with women would you still consider staying in the relationship?

dozy doctor

I really do feel for you... The fact that he is meeting up with anyone else apart from you for bedroom activities should be ringing alarm bells for you...

If this is something he needs to explore further, let him, but you really do not need the heartache or hassle associated with same... You know what the right thing to do is...

On a side note I am also a cross dresser and I would never want to meet up with anyone else for pleasure, no matter how other posters, (namely JackTaylorFan comment's below, who is obviously an angry Lady and has a complete dislike of cross dressers which is bordering on racism and hatred) like to portray the cross dressing community...

For me I love everything about dressing as a female, from choosing the outfits to putting on the last of my makeup and completing the transformation.. And I do find it extremely comfortable and relaxing and I love the end result...

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Awww.. How naive...

The old they just like the "comfort" of women's clothing routine... Yeah, cause bras, heels, stocking and g-string panties are the epitome of comfort...

But you go sell that not sexual at all **** to someone dumb enough to buy it

You also have the choice of being a woman not to wear all of the above if you find them uncomfortable, and don't have to wear them because society says so ...

And lose that chip on your shoulder while you are at it... Not all cross dressers want to harass transgendered women but instead would see them as allies...

You have an obvious hatred towards cross dressers and tar us all with the same brush...

Shame on you....

baby and crumble

OP, your boyfriend has cheated on you. Whether it’s with men or women is somewhat irrelevant if you ask me.

Also, just a note to all posters. Just like we don’t allow folks to come in here and post transphobic or homophobic comments, I think it should also be obvious it’s not ok to make blanket statements about groups within the queer community. Fine if you’ve had bad experiences in the past, but don’t tar all crossdressing folks with the same brush. Thanks.

professore

dozy doctor wrote: »

I really do feel for you... The fact that he is meeting up with anyone else apart from you for bedroom activities should be ringing alarm bells for you...

If this is something he needs to explore further, let him, but you really do not need the heartache or hassle associated with same... You know what the right thing to do is...

On a side note I am also a cross dresser and I would never want to meet up with anyone else for pleasure, no matter how other posters, (namely JackTaylorFan comment's below, who is obviously an angry Lady and has a complete dislike of cross dressers which is bordering on racism and hatred) like to portray the cross dressing community...

For me I love everything about dressing as a female, from choosing the outfits to putting on the last of my makeup and completing the transformation.. And I do find it extremely comfortable and relaxing and I love the end result...





You also have the choice of being a woman not to wear all of the above if you find them uncomfortable, and don't have to wear them because society says so ...

And lose that chip on your shoulder while you are at it... Not all cross dressers want to harass transgendered women but instead would see them as allies...

You have an obvious hatred towards cross dressers and tar us all with the same brush...

Shame on you....

Is the second part of your post directed at the OP? Because if it is, it is totally out of order. I suspect you meant to quote another poster?

professore

Hi OP, it's clear to me your boyfriend is gay and a cheat. The crossdressing is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

lawred2

Brokenheart18 wrote: »

Hi JackTaylorFan,

Thank you for your reply. He has been cheating on me with men from the internet while crossdressing yet is adamant he does not want to be a woman. He says he has dressed from a young age and it has only recently progressed to acts with random men. Not for one second did I have any inkling of anything like this as he is the last person I would’ve expected to have such interests. I have more questions than answers in relation to this whole situation which is why I was seeking advice/info.

he's cheating on you with other men and you're bothered about the crossdressing?

beefburrito

lawred2 wrote: »

he's cheating on you with other men and you're bothered about the crossdressing?

My exe's exe was a cross dresser and upto all kinds of shenanigans, her gay brother suggested she downloads Grindr make up a profile just to see if he's in close proximity and playing away.
He/she said they were just dressing up and not playing away.

Low and behold,sure the minute she downloaded it the closest profile was within a few meters, sure it was him/herself...
Call it entrapment or being sneaky, but it had to be done.

She'd two kid's with him/her, she was devastated.

Anyhow I've nothing against people's orientation but honesty and integrity is very important.

lawred2

beefburrito wrote: »

My exe's exe was a cross dresser and upto all kinds of shenanigans, her gay brother suggested she downloads Grindr make up a profile just to see if he's in close proximity and playing away.
He/she said they were just dressing up and not playing away.

Low and behold,sure the minute she downloaded it the closest profile was within a few meters, sure it was him/herself...
Call it entrapment or being sneaky, but it had to be done.

She'd two kid's with him/her, she was devastated.

Anyhow I've nothing against people's orientation but honesty and integrity is very important.

oooof nasty

Brokenheart18

dozy doctor wrote: »

I really do feel for you... The fact that he is meeting up with anyone else apart from you for bedroom activities should be ringing alarm bells for you...

If this is something he needs to explore further, let him, but you really do not need the heartache or hassle associated with same... You know what the right thing to do is...

On a side note I am also a cross dresser and I would never want to meet up with anyone else for pleasure, no matter how other posters, (namely JackTaylorFan comment's below, who is obviously an angry Lady and has a complete dislike of cross dressers which is bordering on racism and hatred) like to portray the cross dressing community...

For me I love everything about dressing as a female, from choosing the outfits to putting on the last of my makeup and completing the transformation.. And I do find it extremely comfortable and relaxing and I love the end result...





You also have the choice of being a woman not to wear all of the above if you find them uncomfortable, and don't have to wear them because society says so ...

And lose that chip on your shoulder while you are at it... Not all cross dressers want to harass transgendered women but instead would see them as allies...

You have an obvious hatred towards cross dressers and tar us all with the same brush...

Shame on you....

Hi dozy doctor,

Thanks for the post. I have ended the relationship however due to circumstances I still have to cohabit till I can find other accommodation. I think I’m just looking for information to help me understand it all.

I hope you did not think I was making any statements in relation to crossdressing I would never do that.

dozy doctor

professore wrote:

Is the second part of your post directed at the OP? Because if it is, it is totally out of order. I suspect you meant to quote another poster?

Hi... It seems that my reply to quotes have been deleted out of my comment and of course I have the utmost sympathy to the OP...

My comments were directly aimed Towards JackTaylorFan who seems to have a complete hatred to all Cross dressers and it was to this lady I was referring, and NOT the OP and have inserted her comment below....

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Awww.. How naive...

The old they just like the "comfort" of women's clothing routine... Yeah, cause bras, heels, stocking and g-string panties are the epitome of comfort...

But you go sell that not sexual at all **** to someone dumb enough to buy it

dozy doctor

Brokenheart18 wrote:

Thanks for the post. I have ended the relationship however due to circumstances I still have to cohabit till I can find other accommodation. I think I’m just looking for information to help me understand it all.

I am so sorry to hear of your breakup, but ultimately it was the right thing to do for both of you, but more importantly you, as the last thing you need is for him to turn around later in life and declare he is gay or transgendered after you have Invested more time on the relationship..

However I don't think that you are ever going to understand it until he first understands it and TBH I think the desire to dress gets stronger the older a person gets... So therefore I think he will end up coming out as gay, and that's OK, but its not OK to drag you along...

Brokenheart18 wrote:

I hope you did not think I was making any statements in relation to crossdressing I would never do that.

Of course I didn't think that you were making any statements towards cross dressers and felt you were being more that compassionate considering your circumstances, but it is quiet evident from her posts that a particular poster does have issues with cross dressers, but because she is transgendered, somehow makes her believe that she is better than everyone else, which o find disgusting and not a nice quality to have...

Whatever happened to live and let live...

AndrewJRenko

Brokenheart18 wrote: »

Hi AndrewJRenko,

I’m saying he was meeting up with guys in real life.

That's tough, it's hard to see how a relationship can come back from that.

Even if it had been a 'traditional' affair that he had, you might have a better chance of being able to 'compete' with what he was getting when playing away (if you chose to go down that road, which isn't for everybody), but I guess you'd just not be able to compete with what he was getting when meeting up with guys.

Best of luck - hope it works out for you, and even for him too.

AMKC

Brokenheart18 wrote: »

Hi dozy doctor,

Thanks for the post. I have ended the relationship however due to circumstances I still have to cohabit till I can find other accommodation. I think I’m just looking for information to help me understand it all.

I hope you did not think I was making any statements in relation to crossdressing I would never do that.

Awe sorry to hear that but I also think you made the right decision. He was not honest with you and he broke your trust.

dozy doctor wrote: »

I am so sorry to hear of your breakup, but ultimately it was the right thing to do for both of you, but more importantly you, as the last thing you need is for him to turn around later in life and declare he is gay or transgendered after you have Invested more time on the relationship..

However I don't think that you are ever going to understand it until he first understands it and TBH I think the desire to dress gets stronger the older a person gets... So therefore I think he will end up coming out as gay, and that's OK, but its not OK to drag you along...




Of course I didn't think that you were making any statements towards cross dressers and felt you were being more that compassionate considering your circumstances, but it is quiet evident from her posts that a particular poster does have issues with cross dressers, but because she is transgendered, somehow makes her believe that she is better than everyone else, which o find disgusting and not a nice quality to have...

Whatever happened to live and let live...

Agree live and let live.

However I don't think that you are ever going to understand it until he first understands it and TBH I think the desire to dress gets stronger the older a person gets... So therefore I think he will end up coming out as gay, and that's OK, but its not OK to drag you along...

Just because he crossdresses does not mean he is gay as lots of straight guys crossdress but if he has been going to meet other men then you might be right. Maybe he will come out as gay.

JackTaylorFan

Goodshape wrote: »

JackTaylorFan, those sound like bad experiences but none of your anecdotes suggest that the same must be true for the OP.

There's also nothing "wrong" with having a sexual fetish, if it is that, and the LGBT community is right to destigmatize that. On it's own it says nothing about the relationship between the OP and her boyfriend.

I agree on principle: nothing wrong with a fetish as long as it is legal. But hiding it from your partner - that's not alright - especially if you are seeking other outlets to satisfy yourself. And believe me the CD scene is rife with attached men looking for a bit on the side.

And, yeah, I'm definitely not the only transwoman this happens to -> not just my experience.

JackTaylorFan

Brokenheart18 wrote: »

Hi JackTaylorFan,

Thank you for your reply. He has been cheating on me with men from the internet while crossdressing yet is adamant he does not want to be a woman. He says he has dressed from a young age and it has only recently progressed to acts with random men. Not for one second did I have any inkling of anything like this as he is the last person I would’ve expected to have such interests. I have more questions than answers in relation to this whole situation which is why I was seeking advice/info.

Hi OP

I am so sorry to hear this. I don't know what to say to help. I don't understand the men who do this either - their mindset is completely different to that of a transgender women (as proved so adequately by Dozy up there). But, as I stated, sadly I have a lot of experience of being contacted by guys like your ex; hitting on me looking to experiment discreetly whilst the GF stays in the dark about the fetish.

I hate to say it, but if he has cheated, you probably should get tested.

Again, truly sorry to hear your experience.

JackTaylorFan

dozy doctor wrote: »

On a side note I am also a cross dresser and I would never want to meet up with anyone else for pleasure, no matter how other posters, (namely JackTaylorFan comment's below, who is obviously an angry Lady and has a complete dislike of cross dressers which is bordering on racism and hatred) like to portray the cross dressing community...


You also have the choice of being a woman not to wear all of the above if you find them uncomfortable, and don't have to wear them because society says so ...

And lose that chip on your shoulder while you are at it... Not all cross dressers want to harass transgendered women but instead would see them as allies...

You have an obvious hatred towards cross dressers and tar us all with the same brush...

Shame on you....

<Mod snip; please don't drag up other threads or info exchanged by PMs>

Also, being a woman, ain't a choice, and sure as hell ain't about clothes. It's who I am <- That's transgender 101, right there.

Crossdressers who think they can empathise - please, what ****.

cgcsb

Brokenheart18 wrote: »

Hi JackTaylorFan,

Thank you for your reply. He has been cheating on me with men from the internet while crossdressing yet is adamant he does not want to be a woman. He says he has dressed from a young age and it has only recently progressed to acts with random men. Not for one second did I have any inkling of anything like this as he is the last person I would’ve expected to have such interests. I have more questions than answers in relation to this whole situation which is why I was seeking advice/info.

dump that zero get yourself a hero.

baby and crumble

Mod note:

Ok guys I've cleaned up the thread here. Please don't get into stuff that was discussed in other threads and/or via PM. The public boards aren't the place for it.

Jack Taylor Fan, please don't be so aggressive. I realise this is something you feel very strongly about but there's no need for such agressive posts.

Dozy Doctor, I have deleted your reply as it was in response to comments about PMs I have needed to delete but please don't make personal attakcs in future posts. As the saying goes "play the ball not the man".

Back on topic with useful advice for the OP.