Feeling Ugly

blinkwink

Hello, I am a male in his early twenties and for a long time I have been very insecure about my looks and for some reason I just feel helpless and a bit overwhelmed. I don't like saying that as it may be a trivial issue for some, it it's just what is bothering me right now.

Im concerned that I might have some form of rosacea on my skin and nearly posted images of my skin on skincareaddiction on Reddit for review, but that isn't going to help. I feel bad about going to a doctor because it's probably not a big issue and I don't think parents would be pleased. I feel a bit helpless here.

Furthermore, my hair is all over the place, I just feel too set in my ways to get a radically different one, my teeth are yellow, I'm gaining weight and have bags under my eyes. I know not everyone can have supermodel looks and people are attracted to different people. I have had people attracted to me in the past but I just feel so inferior to people my age who are taking better care of themselves etc. I feel like a mess. At college I try to avoid having to go into the bathrooms because I just look so ugly in the mirrors (that could be lighting I'm not sure).

Regarding taking action, I'm trying to go to the gym, get better sleep, drink less fizzy drinks and more water. Apart from this though, I just feel a bit hopeless like I will be alone for a long time.

I'd appreciate some advice and feedback. Thanks very much.

Ursus Horribilis

If I had my way I'd delete your Reddit account and stop you going anywhere near that place. I remember a previous post of yours because it shocked me. How anyone could even think about creating a thread called Am I a Ugly? and have strangers rate each other's photos is beyond me. Your relationship with Reddit is unhealthy and it's fuelling your issues.

It's madness that you're using that forum for medical advice. You have no idea who is talking to you there and if they're qualified at all. It's a doctor you need to see. Let them decide what you have and how you can be treated.

Also, are you still seeing your therapist?

blinkwink

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

If I had my way I'd delete your Reddit account and stop you going anywhere near that place. I remember a previous post of yours because it shocked me. How anyone could even think about creating a thread called Am I a Ugly? and have strangers rate each other's photos is beyond me. Your relationship with Reddit is unhealthy and it's fuelling your issues.

It's madness that you're using that forum for medical advice. You have no idea who is talking to you there and if they're qualified at all. It's a doctor you need to see. Let them decide what you have and how you can be treated.

Also, are you still seeing your therapist?

Yeah I haven't used amiugly in a very long time. It's toxic. I'm not using it for medical advice, just general feedback, but it is unhealthy. I guess my worry about seeing a doctor is how small an issue it might be. Like is it valid to see the doctor for something physical that is affecting your self-esteem?

I'm still seeing my therapist, less frequently but she is aware of these issues. I admit I haven't been using the therapeutic tools as much as I can be.

inca2

blinkwink wrote: »

Like is it valid to see the doctor for something physical that is affecting your self-esteem?

100% valid and certainly a better idea than seeking advice on the internet.

mackeire

I'm going to be blunt here.
1: go see a doctor about the skin condition. I have psoriasis and know what it's like to have 'bad skin'.
2: go to a dentist if you are worried about your teeth.
3: go to a good barber or hair dresser and get them to give you a hair cut/style that's not over the top but looks neat.
4: use the gym etc to keep in shape.
5: this one is the most important, don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you! It's your life, you do what makes you happy.

The first 4 points on the above list will help tackle some of the things in your post but number 5 is the one that will make you happy.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

blinkwink

mackeire wrote: »

I'm going to be blunt here.
1: go see a doctor about the skin condition. I have psoriasis and know what it's like to have 'bad skin'.
2: go to a dentist if you are worried about your teeth.
3: go to a good barber or hair dresser and get them to give you a hair cut/style that's not over the top but looks neat.
4: use the gym etc to keep in shape.
5: this one is the most important, don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you! It's your life, you do what makes you happy.

The first 4 points on the above list will help tackle some of the things in your post but number 5 is the one that will make you happy.

See what worries me is that I'm overthinking about my skin and there might not be anything big wrong with it. My teeth are fine but whitening would damage enamel. The shape are fine, it's just the colour. Point 3 and 4 agreed. Point 5, I might just be at a stage where I think looks are the only way to attract a partner etc. I know what you mean though.

Ursus Horribilis

You were prepared to stick photos of your skin on Reddit yet you don't think there's enough there to justify a visit to a GP? Yep, that makes sense to me.

Ursus Horribilis

To be honest, I think your priority should be to sort your mental health issues. Even if you woke up in the morning looking like a Greek god, you're not going to have much of a chance with the ladies. It's a cliché as old as the hills but it's a very true one. Other people won't love you unless you love yourself. Looks can only get you so far. It's personality that'll carry you over the line.

If you look around you'll see that there are an awful lot of less than conventionally handsome men out there. Most of them in relationships even though they might not be oil paintings. Why? Being attractive comes in many guises and its something that starts from within.

I think you need to up your visits to your therapist and work on yourself. If you're happier with yourself then you'll hopefully stop that overthinking you're prone to do.

blinkwink

FizzleSticks wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I'd have no issue in paying for the consultations myself, its just that my parents they would just think its unnecessary or Im over thinking or something. As for everything else you have said, pretty spot on. Thanks.

joeguevara

Firstly don’t self diagnose conditions. It will drive you nuts and may exacerbate the problem. For example psoriasis gets worse with stress and then you stress about having it and it’s a vicious cycle.

Go see a doctor or dermatologist. Don’t worry what anyone thinks. You don’t have to say what it’s for. Say it’s a personal medical issue that it is best discussed privately with a professional. No one is going to push you on that.

Secondly, no one is ugly. You may or may not be conventionally handsome but that doesn’t mean you are ugly. Different people find different people attractive for different reasons. Just the way of the world. Confidence is the most attractive trait. However, that is not to say you have to make the most of what you have got. Go to a dentist or smile clinic and get your yellow teeth whitened. Smile is what most girls/blokes are attracted to first. See above, once you display confidence you will smile more.

Invest in a decent haircut. Go to a decent barber or hairdresser and they should be able to discuss what cut would suit your face. Bring pictures of what you like. They will tell you if it’s a goer or wouldn’t suit.

Also, it is an idea to go somewhere where they have a personal shoppe4, BT, BT2 or Harvey Nichs. They could discuss styles with you and pick out outfits. Get them to give you measurements so you won’t have to use them again.

Finally find something that you enjoy doing. A hobby, past time or whatever. The better you get at that, or the more you enjoy it, the more confident you will be and that equals attraction.

Also, if someone doesn’t find you attractive, don’t get too down. Some women aren’t attracted to Brad Pitt. some women go weak at the knees at Meatloaf. it’s a strange world. Don’t go through it thinking negatively. You are you and to someone you will be the best looking guy in the world. And if not, at least you will have white teeth, good hair nice clothes and a hobby.

Airyfairy12

If your gaining weight you need eat less and exercise more. Buy teeth whitener in boots or go to a dentist.
Under eye bags can be caused by dehydration - try to get at least 1 litre of water a day but ideally 2 litres and cut down on salt and sugar. If you find it hard to drink plain water throw in a slice of lemon or sprig of mint or drink herbal teas - these are full of antioxidants too which are great for your skin.

You said your parents wouldnt be too happy if you went to the doctor about your rosacea, Why do your parents have anything to do with you going to a doctor? are they controlling/interfering .. learning a bit of independence and autonomy would be really good for you.
Go to a doctor or dermatologist about your rosacea - some dermatologists give free consultations.

Malayalam

Teeth are naturally a yellow colour, super white teeth look kind of distracting and weird, in my opinion.
Rosacea can be treated, check out a natural health store and see if they have recommendations. Sugar is a big causative factor.
Hair - I can't give much advice there, my philosophy is leave it alone as much as possible, it grows, keep it clean, be glad it's there at all.
Even if one is handsome or beautiful, low self esteem will cause one to hone in and critique microscopically. To obsess over things that no one else ever sees. Think about it - how much of another person's face do you really zoom in on when you meet them, is it not the overall atmosphere and presence that one senses? Strange looking people can be weirdly attractive. Friends always apear beautiful. Love makes ordinary people look magnificent.
So it's not the outside as much as the inside that is feeling ugly.
Passion is what makes people attractive. Live your life and find things that make you feel passionate, and let the rest unfold.
Best of luck, OP.

Defunkd

You'll feel ugly as long as you think of yourself as ugly.
Thoughts produce feelings. Think better of yourself, take some steps to improve your appearance without becoming consumed about it and you will begin to feel different about yourself.

LegacyUser

I was where you are at man and still am, but feeling ugly just changed to feel jaded. Now I don't care anymore but not in a good way.

Working out, grooming, new hairstyle it's not gonna change anything man. I have good skin workout and a trendy haircut but once you get into your head that you're ugly that's ingrained into you. You probably just need to attract a few girls but without required looks it's pretty hard to. I will give you some encouragement though, girls only care about looks if you are noticeably good looking and have an avenue to display it. Conor Murray, Rob Kearney two guys who girls swoon over wouldn't really get the credence they do without their standing. You can be fairly good looking and still be invisible to the opposite sex, it's just how it is unfortunately.

I've been there man, the college bathroom visit is one I know all too well.

Anway, NO fizzy drinks bro, you gotta let them go. I have some OJ(like basically a 1/4 of a small glass just to wash down with my vitamins and give me a little spike)
Prioritise sleep
Get the haircut

It ain't fun bro. I wish you the best.

chicorytip

blinkwink wrote:

Im concerned that I might have some form of rosacea on my skin and nearly posted images of my skin on skincareaddiction on Reddit for review, but that isn't going to help. I feel bad about going to a doctor because it's probably not a big issue and I don't think parents would be pleased. I feel a bit helpless here.

Rosacea can be easily and successfully treated these days using laser treatment (IPL). It is expensive -around 300 euro per session- but effective. Dr. Cal Condon in the Blackrock Clinic is a specialist in the area.