Torn on pets end of life

LegacyUser

I have the most wonderful labrador dog for the past 13 years. He is the familys dog (mother and siblings). He is old now and has a range of medical conditions including cancer which was diagnosed last year. Due to his age and a failing liver, surgery to remove the lump was out of the question. He is on a range of medication and special diet and I couldn't afford to take on another bill and more medication (steroids). As much as the family claim to love him, they weren't willing to pick up on medication for the dog. So we continued on as we were. The dog is OK form. He has his good days and bad days. He sleeps a lot now. He is completely healthy in his mind and he's so cute and funny. However there is one big problem. The cancerous lump has grown and grown and its now the size of a bowling ball on his belly. I was thinking for some months about putting the dog to sleep because of all of his health problems and because the lump is growing. However my family is against this. I think its very much time for putting him to sleep. The lump is on his belly and its the size of a bowling ball. I watched him tonight trying to lie down and he struggled because the lump is in his way.

Enough is enough. My mother wants to keep the dog going until he dies a natural death which to me is very ridiculous. Would it be awful of me to make an appointment at the vet and take the dog in for putting to sleep without saying a word to any of the family. The dogs medical history and account at the vet is in under my name. The family are dead set against putting the do to sleep. They had ample opportunity to come around to the idea but my mother has her head buried in the sand about the dogs condition. My siblings are adult brothers who care more about drinking and holidays and I'm on my own with this.

Rachiee

I can understand your position but would also question whether or not its best to put the dog to sleep. Apart from the difficulties he has taking certain positions is he actually suffering. Not all tumors are painful is he crying whimpering licking it? Refusing food water? Spending all day in bed? Has the tumor ulcerated? Unless he is showing these signs is there really a need for euthanasia?
If he is showing these signs and euthanasia is for the best I would continue to point out anytime he displays these signs to the rest of the family and negotiate with them as to why you think its kinder. Going behind their back is unlikely to be forgiven anytime soon and they will surely find out.
Animal and pet issues forum have a good guide to making the final decision maybe you can print that out and go through it together.

Ursus Horribilis

I'm so so sorry to read this. Like a lot of people, this horrible situation has befallen me. It's one of the most heartbreaking, gut-wrenching things you'll ever have to do. Sadly, most pets aren't going to do the decent thing and die for you. From what you've described, it's time to put this poor dog to sleep. It's the kindest thing you can do for him and you'll be saving him the inevitable suffering that's coming down the line. The rule of thumb I've seen is that it's better to put an animal to sleep a week too early rather than a week too late.

If you can at all, see if you can take him to the vet with your family knowing about it. Maybe you could have the vet look at him and make the decision for you? Or get advice from them about what to tell your family?

orthsquel

The only feelings to be considered are the dog's. The quality of life of your pet should come before anything else. It's never right to let an animal suffer in pain for the sake of human emotions of denial or indifference.

In your shoes I'd make an appointment with the vet on your pet's health. Discuss with your vet their condition and what's the best thing for your dog at their stage of health and they can guide you to the decision based on medical need and quality of life. If his health can be maintained by diet and medication and can still lead a normal life, then consider it (but be aware of what signs to look out for that indicate a decline in health as well as changes to behaviour), but if not and are going to be in pain then you need to consider that side too.

Even if they can continue on as is, the quality of life is a factor because if they are unable to move around and be their usual selves, then that is no quality of life at all for them and then it would be kinder to have them put to sleep, than suffer needlessly.

You can tell your family you're bringing them to the vet because of concerns about the lump and can tell them you will take up on the vet's advice there and then and if they want to go with you, let them, so if necessary they can say their goodbyes.

JustAThought

Please please do not secretly put your beloved dog down without the family involved or agreed. It is SUCH a traumatising thing to happen in your life and despite their reluctance to be financially responsible (or even fair) it is the kind of thing that could destroy a family or leave your relationshiops so fractured that they may never recover.

You clearly deeply love your dog and want all that is good for him/her - buy you say s/he is happy,and alert,and funny and has a love and pets and happy days and laughter.' My ' GR has lumps throughout and I worry terribly but they don't seem to bother her despite their size and she is about 10 yo - and has had them for 2+years with no ill effects to her. Of course she dosnt have a cancer diagnosis but for the amount of time I spend worrying over them she might as well have.

The vets (almost.free) in the blue cross do an amazing job and may be able to advise or put your mind at rest in relation to your dogs quality of life and happy zone. Of course it us heartbreaking to have to make a decision that will eventually have to be made but if.your pet is happy and loved and cared for and medicines under control perhaps this is her time for mellowing by the fire or dozing on the couch surrounded by those she loves and slumbering the day away with naps and love and pets and dreams of cats. There may yet be long happy comfortable pain free months ahead. Your vet will know - not to drag out for selfish reasons but to manage a pain free life in loving comfortable surroundings.

I'd speak to your mother and siblings and get some cash up front from them all for your pets medical bills. In the end the awful reality of putting your dog to sleep is not an inexpensive one as it is done by weight and there is then the awful business of burial or the cost of cremation and you most likely will be facing considerable vets bills up to about e500 - if the balance is the ongoing costs as well as the dogs happiness and comfort this final cost might also be a consideration.

Your dog sounds like an awl pet and so much loved and well cared for by you. I am very soŕry for your situation and the poor dogs illness and your lack of empathy and practical input from your siblings. I would give anyhing to have my old dog back for another day or hour and cannot imagine how horrifying it would be if someone however well intended took her away and had her killed without me having a say or a chance to say goodbye or reason.

Xterminator

Hi Op

e is the familys dog (mother and siblings).

He is the family's dog, and its the family's decision. You may not agree with the family decision, but you should respect it. It would be nearly unforgivable to euthanise your family pet behind their back. do not under any circumstances let your feelings get the better of you.

woodchuck

I wouldn't have the dog put down behind their back, but I would get professional advice from a vet. So you'll probably need to make an appointment and bring the dog, but I assume they can't force you to have the dog put down then and there.

If the vet recommends the dog is put down, he/she should be able to give you solid reasoning to convince your family of the best course of action (e.g. he might be able to detect if the dog is in pain, even if it's not obvious to you).

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

In relation to the dogs quality of life. He's old and his quality of life is poor. He still sleeps all day. He thinks he is good for walkies when he sees a signal like me putting on a coat but his body isn't able for it any more. Aside from that he sleeps all day and doesn't play any more.

Its the families dog but I feel Im completelyon my own about this. I tried to discuss putting the dog to sleep. One brother was vague and quite in his reply. He said its probablytime alright but that was that. Anotherbrotherspoke like a politician and went about in circles saying he knows what he would do at this stage but its not his call to make and hes not god so I got no where with him. I suspectif he even pays once towards thr dogs care he will put the dog down.

Someone wrote above better a week too early than a week too late. Like do we wait until the lump is the size of a dinner plate perhaps or do we wait until its taken over his whole entire belly.

I think I might make an appointment and for a general check up but I think the dog wont be coming home.

ShaShaBear

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

In relation to the dogs quality of life. He's old and his quality of life is poor. He still sleeps all day. He thinks he is good for walkies when he sees a signal like me putting on a coat but his body isn't able for it any more. Aside from that he sleeps all day and doesn't play any more.

Its the families dog but I feel Im completelyon my own about this. I tried to discuss putting the dog to sleep. One brother was vague and quite in his reply. He said its probablytime alright but that was that. Anotherbrotherspoke like a politician and went about in circles saying he knows what he would do at this stage but its not his call to make and hes not god so I got no where with him. I suspectif he even pays once towards thr dogs care he will put the dog down.

Someone wrote above better a week too early than a week too late. Like do we wait until the lump is the size of a dinner plate perhaps or do we wait until its taken over his whole entire belly.

I think I might make an appointment and for a general check up but I think the dog wont be coming home.

Would it be possible to arrange a home visit? Call your vet and explain you think it is time but the family do not agree and have him call out to give the dog a "check up"? While he's there, he can give his professional opinion to all present, give facts on his condition and what might happen if he is left to die on his own. It might spur them to make the right choice.

elbyrneo

My retriever was only 7 years old when she got cancer. Our vet was amazing. As sad as it was, I look back at the time with great pride. While I wanted to keep her, as a carer I made the right decision to euthanize her at home, lying in her bed, with me cuddled beside her as she passed. I looked after her when she needed It, repaying a tiny part of the years of love she gave me.

Your heart is clearly in the right place. My advice - go see the vet or even better, ask the vet to visit. If the vet recommends to euthanize and it's clear the dog is in suffering, then make sure your family hear this and understand this.

I would not do any of this behind closed doors though, but instead bring out the information as your family seem to be burying their heads in the sand.

Rachiee

There's a scale called the journeys quality of life scale that can guide you in assessing your dogs quality of life. If you google it you and your mam could use it to reflect together to make a decision. I know your mam doesnt really want to make a decision but if you have the scale there you can at least discuss where your dog falls in each category

Ursus Horribilis

A tumour the size of a bowling ball sounds utterly horrific to me. Even on a dog the size of a Labrador. I really feel for you because you're the only person in the family who's prepared to make this most awful of decisions. This is the sort of thing that happens in families, unfortunately. People hide behind each other and leave one person to do the dirty work.

The time my beloved dog was put to sleep, the vet told us he could treat him and give him a couple more weeks. But really, what was the point? The poor dog was old, nearly blind, very tired, not interested in walking any more, borderline incontinent, had a dodgy tummy and was really starting to struggle with arthritis. For whose sake would we have been keeping him alive? Having him put down was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through and I still miss him sometimes. But from the dog's perspective, it was the kindest thing for him. He wasn't quite at the absolute end of the road but wasn't far from it. It would have been much more distressing to have kept him going and watched him deteriorate even further.