I feel lost and alone.

LegacyUser

Hey.

I'm 24, almost 25 and I feel like life is going nowhere. I have no friends and I have little motivation or drive to do anything. I feel zapped of energy and I feel like I am getting stupid, struggling to do some basic things like keep focus reading a book or sometimes even hold a conversation without getting lost in my head. My social life completely came crashing down after I left college two years ago and it was slowly dying before that too. I graduated with a degree but I decided to take time off after college as I felt I needed a break physically and mentally. I spent the time working in a mundane job which was okay as I met people and money was okay as well. I am not sure if I want to do the job my degree is for which isn't helping my anxiety over everything in my life. People meet me on the street or something saying "are you working" and I just say "eh I am taking a break" and they almost look down on you. I wish I could be like the others who jumped straight to job after college.
I feel like I've forgotten all the content of my degree and I am afraid that I wouldn't know what to do if I go back.

I can't seem to keep friends. I am bad at keeping in contact with people and I do not know why I cannot do so. I feel afraid to bother people. My life is pretty boring and I feel I don't have anything valuable to say to people so I kind of hide away. When I do feel good about myself I think I am quite chatty and sociable but it always seems to last a very short time. I seem to make friends for a few months and things fall apart, often without no argument or friction at all and just grow apart. It has been like this since I was a teenager.

I have lost interest in things like sport and exercise which played a big part of my life in my teens. I don't find movies or television interesting and therefore I struggle to find things in common with people around me. That's really not a big issue as I understand everyone has their own tastes and likes. I used to drink and party a lot in my teens and in college but I've grown to get bored of alcohol and nightclubs and that which is obviously not ideal for any Irish person. I still drink occasionally.

What's worrying is that I feel like I'm wasting away my life and have nothing to show for it at 24 besides a degree. I see my peers travelling, out at the weekends, getting on well with jobs, earning money, going on dates. They're able to balance their lives and live full enriched lives. Meanwhile I'm slowly rotting away and although I realise what's happening I cannot seem to get myself to change my ways. I have a decent amount of money in the bank (20k) but money isn't everything.

I'm not sure why I am posting this but maybe it's a way to get the thoughts out of my head. I feel like I'm slowly eating away at myself. I spend the days completely alone in the house, listening to some music or generally browsing the web.

I am looking into maybe giving a go at my qualification and looking for jobs but the fear is making me feel sick to death. My CV is awful too, I have nothing to put in it aside from my degree. My job sector is highly competitive in the job market and your personal/social life is very influential as you're in the public eye. Why would anyone want to employ me when I have nothing to show off?

When it comes to leaving the house, I have little problem doing so when I need to go to the bank, go to the dentist etc. but in terms of going out and trying to improve my life, i.e exercise or maybe try and go to the shops and interact with people I struggle to find the drive to do so even though deep down I know it is something I need to do. Deep down I feel like I am a sociable and likeable person. I feel like a computer with a virus, still there physically and working away a little but deep down slowly eroding away.

I guess I want to know has anyone else felt like this? What can I do to maybe get myself back on track starting from scratch? I'm very bad at opening up to people about things, nobody really knows I am down in the dumps. My parents are onto me about getting a job and my siblings are saying the same. They seem to realise I am a bit lost and they keep in touch asking me about if I did anything today but they are living busy lives and they cannot babysit a 24 year old.

People from college tried to keep in touch when we first left college but I said I was busy with work and gradually we grew completely apart. I haven't spoken a word to anyone from college since the day I left. I think at 24 I'm not too old to try and change and make a go at things. I just feel lost and stranded. I do not know who to talk to or what I can do.

I am sorry for ranting on. I tend to do that when I get emotional. Thank you for reading.

end of the road

hiya op
you're never to old to change anything. the first step is knowing that you feel a certain way, and that you don't want to, and that you need to change it. you can change it. your situation doesn't have to be this way.
maybe try to start with something small such as going out for a walk, even if it's for a couple of minutes. sounds ridiculous i know but it may make you more confident about going out of the house when you don't really need to. you don't have a problem going out when you need to so IMO that's half the battle over really isn't it. maybe then, you could try to see if there are groups in your area with people who have similar interests to you. it could help you meet people. you would be surprised how valuable what you do have to say to others can be. you don't have to be the top speaker of the local debating society who may be knowledgible on absolutely everything.
you are also in work so that should help you some bit. maybe not in terms of the job you got the degree in but there are always better jobs out there and they don't have to be in the field you graduated in . any work is experience in something.
sadly there are always the odd few who will look down on others, they are the problem, not you. you don't have to be like other people, you are you. it's okay to be you, and it's okay to ask for help when you are feeling down. it's nothing to be ashamed of, and you have taken that step.
i wouldn't be a massive sport or tv fan either. that's okay, people like what they like. i get the having things in common thing with others but you would be surprised what you do have in common with others when you will meet people. i'm also someone who got board of night-clubs, they are over-rated and expensive anyway. don't have interests for the sake of having interests, it won't work. find things you like and even if they are a minority interest, that's okay, there will be others with the same interests.
do you think that maybe some counciling would help in terms of trying to talk out why you do feel the way you do? it could help you and you may be given some mechanisms which could help you in terms of seeing things differently and maybe in turn building up some confidents in terms of meeting people and so on? might be worth looking into, it's worth a shot anyway i think.
your siblings and parents also know you are feeling down, and it's good they notice and are doing what they can to try and help you. maybe you will eventually be able to open up to them. i hope you will in time, as they may be able to help and support you more if they know what' is really going on.
i wish you well. things don't have to be this way for you. best of luck.

Your Face

You said you were into sports and occasionally exercise.
Maybe you could join a gym?
You'd be there to workout but you could be getting to meet people in a place that's not overly social, i.e. a pub etc.

LLMMLL

You're not really naturally growing apart from people. It sounds like you're actively rejecting them. Avoiding their efforts to meet. It seems people do find you interesting or at least want to spend time with you.

Honestly I think you need to go to your GP/counselling etc. It sounds like you're really struggling.

Bradley in Texas

You could possibly suffer from depression or a chemical imbalance. Definitely would talk to your doctor. 
Check out online and maybe in the papers what's going on around town and find something to get involved in. I'm sure there are groups/clubs or organizations that are involved in something you're interested in. 
Honestly, getting some exercise would be good for you. I'm not talking some extreme workout, start out slow and work your way up. It's been proven to help mentally. It could also help you feel better about yourself. 
Eat right, avoid a lot of junk food, get plenty of sleep. Not saying this the solution to all your troubles but it's a start.