Should I cut my losses?

jobhunter101

Met this guy on tinder about a month ago. Went on around 5 dates, but I feel that hes losing interest now. He's not a big texter anyway, but at the start we would text more than we do now.
It changed after our 4th date, where I went back to his but told him I wasn't ready to sleep with him. We went on our fifth date and he seemed a bit off, but we went back to his and slept together.
After that he seemed a bit more distant. I can see that he has been on Whatsapp but has not opened or replied to my messages.
We've talked about relationships and dating before,and he said he tends to be very relaxed about the whole thing and goes with the flow. My concern is I don't just want him going along with it for the sake of it.
My friend thinks I'm overthinking, but I suppose I'm starting to feel a but **** about myself that he's not that bothered about me. She thinks he could just be being cautious.
Should I keep seeing him and see what happens? I like the guy and i know I can be very hard to read at times so I've put more effort into trying to show that but I feel like he's not that interested.

zapper55

5 dates in and he's already texting less would make me wonder. I'm curious tho, you said you weren't ready to sleep with him on date 4 but slept with him on date 5. Maybe he thinks you are game playing a bit? You are fully entitled to wait until whenever you are ready to sleep with him but maybe he's wondering why one date made a difference.

Also you said he was a bit off on date 5 yet you went home with him. Maybe you should trust your instinct more.

Look this seems like a lot of work a few dates in. Re the WhatsApp messages, if I didn't want to chat to someone I'd read the message preview which means it remains unread. There's nothing that you've said so far that shows that he's interested.

rainbowtrout

Why are you putting the blame on yourself for being 'hard to read'?

It's Tinder, there are lots of people on it, he slept with you and he's now not replying to your messages. He likes to 'go with the flow'. To me that reads as just another way of saying he's not going to commit to you.

In short, he got the ride and is no longer interested. Gut feeling would be that if he was interested, particularly if there is now sex on the cards (if only for that), that he would have responded at this stage.

newboard

There's nothing that you've said so far that shows that he's interested.

They've gone on 5 dates, if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have spent so much time with her!

I don't get the expectation for people to constantly text each other all day - some people love chatting away over texts, others find it a nuisance and prefer catching up in person. I'm in the latter camp, I've to deal with so many emails etc throughout the day, I avoid messaging lots with friends etc. And I've had it before then where if I'm dating someone and they're a heavy texter, I just get bored/worn out and avoid writing back to them so that I don't have to send another one when they write back to mine. That's not to say I don't like them or that I'm bored of them, I'm just bored of texting.

Sounds to me like you're overthinking it - and if he's not writing back to you as quickly he might just be bored of texting (not you, just texting).

Katgurl

I don't think he's too bothered about you.

Why did you sleep with him on the fifth date honestly? If it was because you wanted to then great. If it was because you sensed he was losing interest then not great at all. Never sleep with anyone to keep them interested. It won't work and you are letting yourself down. Set your own standards and stick to them.

If he likes you he will be in touch soon to set up another date. But don't let yourself be some last minute convenience date - his recent actions (not reading your messages) suggest he isn't keen I'm afraid. I hope I'm wrong.

bilbot79

You're supposed to sleep together on date 3. Thiso is the problem

Bradley in Texas

Just my two cents but I just don't think he's that into you. I'd back off and see what happens. If he really is interested, he'll contact you. If not, well, it's for the best. If he hasn't contacted you in seven to ten days, it's time to move on. 
I truly believe there is someone out there for just about anyone. Better to keep looking for a guy who's good to you, is kind, thoughtful and makes you laugh.

Bambi985

A guy not messaging or responding to or even opening your messages immediately after you've slept with him is a guy that's not interested in anything further.

He probably met you on that fifth date in the hope that things would turn physical, which they did, and now he's got what he wanted and the interest has fizzled for him.

amdublin

Yeah op I think it's time to cut your losses on this fella

And when you think about it do you really want to be hanging on for someone who hasn't even opened your messages. You deserve better than that.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Let this one go and move on with your head held high a s ready to meet the right one for you. Good luck op

jobhunter101

I slept with him on the fifth date as I wanted to, not because I hoped to get more interest from him. He replied to my messages and I brought up that I felt contact had died off and asked if he wanted to leave it,he replied that he felt contact had died off from my side (which I had as I was sick of the long wait for replies) we've planned to meet up again but I definitely think he's not that interested so I'm gonna treat it as fun and keep dating others. Thanks for your help

rainbowtrout

jobhunter101 wrote: »

I slept with him on the fifth date as I wanted to, not because I hoped to get more interest from him. He replied to my messages and I brought up that I felt contact had died off and asked if he wanted to leave it,he replied that he felt contact had died off from my side (which I had as I was sick of the long wait for replies) we've planned to meet up again but I definitely think he's not that interested so I'm gonna treat it as fun and keep dating others. Thanks for your help

But if he was ignoring your messages and not replying to you how could contact have died off on your side and why are you justifying his response?

If he's not that interested why are you wasting your time? It seems like a classic move on his part, put the blame on you and get you to meet up anyway, he doesn't have to commit to anything but he gets a casual thing without having to put in any effort.

jobhunter101

Fair point, Ive learned from this that he's not that into me which is fine, I want to have a casual thing with him but Im still going to date others. I was confused because I didn't know what he wanted,now that I know he's not that interested it's fine as I can move on

Bambi985

Do you actually want a “casual thing” with him though? You said in your opening post that him not expressing interest was beginning to make you feel crap about yourself. So why sign up for more disinterest?

If you put sex on a plate he’s going to take it and continue with the lack of effort. Why not hold out for someone that fancies you back and wants more than that?

rainbowtrout

Bambi985 wrote: »

If you put sex on a plate he’s going to take it and continue with the lack of effort. Why not hold out for someone that fancies you back and wants more than that?

Totally agree with this. Why sign up to be his booty call? Because that's what's going to happen. The message he's getting is that he doesn't have to reply to your texts or make any effort with you, but you are still willing to meet up with him and give him sex. Maximum result for minimum effort on his part, and you end up feeling like crap because you know he's not interested.

There is only one way this will end.