Giving up drinking - how did you find it?

Digital_Guy

Hey guys,

Cool forum here it looks like

I'm in my late 30s and am planning to give up drinking as I think I've had enough of wasted days and feeling wrecked the day after a night out, and still feeling it a little in the days afterwards. I was out on Friday night and had pints, shots and gins - really too much and was so shattered the following day.

I would only be out maybe 2-3 times/month but it's easy for the drinks to just flow when you're having a great night and everyone else is enjoying themselves too. For this reason I'd not be thinking of just 'having a few' when out, as that doesn't really work a lot of the time and I'd rather just give it up altogether.

I'm also getting fitter, love my training and have big plans there. Obviously giving up alcohol is going to help there too - the two will go hand in hand. I would notice in the days after drinking that you don't have as much energy in the gym - anyone else the same?

I have no problem with it and would only ever drink socially really - as in I had less than half a glass of wine at home one of the evenings during the Beast from the East escapades, and that was probably the second or third time having a drink alone in over 3 years! I also didn't drink this past Christmas as had the flu and while I enjoyed the first night out in January it wasn't like I was raring for a pint or anything

I don't need it to be sociable (as far as I know anyway!) and LOVE the idea of waking up after a night out feeling completely clear and fresh.

So I am interested to hear your experiences - how was the first night out after you stopped? It would make no difference to me really not drinking on a weeknight going out for food or whatever. The real test would be a night out with mates but really I'd talk to anyone, I doubt I'll miss it and giving it up will bring so many benefits.

P.S in case it's of interest, I'd probably have around 5-6 pints and maybe a few gins and tonics on a night out once or twice a month. Shots would be a rare occurrence. Aside from that it'd be a glass or wine or two or a couple of beers maybe every other week during the week, if even that.

Digital_Guy

Ok I typed all that out but saw afterwards this forum is not very active...Ireland's most popular forum but this is the AF one after all

Mr. Incognito

I've been 4 weeks sober tomorrow- alcohol and cigarettes

The first week I went to the gym and felt fab.

The second week I went to the gym and felt fab

The third week I didnt go to the gym and I'm a bit tired

This week I am not gyming and I'm shattered.

Its something to do with the withdrawl I suspect. Chronic fatigue. I tried to get to bed earlier last night and feel a bit better.

However- I've easily saved about €600-€700 Euro from not drinking in those 4 weeks so I am trying to look at the benefit that way.

Digital_Guy

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

I've been 4 weeks sober tomorrow- alcohol and cigarettes

The first week I went to the gym and felt fab.

The second week I went to the gym and felt fab

The third week I didnt go to the gym and I'm a bit tired

This week I am not gyming and I'm shattered.

Its something to do with the withdrawl I suspect. Chronic fatigue. I tried to get to bed earlier last night and feel a bit better.

However- I've easily saved about €600-€700 Euro from not drinking in those 4 weeks so I am trying to look at the benefit that way.

Pretty good all round! And some saving as well....I don't drink that much but spending 30 quid instead of 60 or 70 quid on a night out would be pretty cool!

Ghekko

Over 17 months off drink now. I found it hard at first but now that everyone knows I don't drink I don't feel as conspicuous when out. People thought I was mad giving up as they all said it's not like I had a problem - problem was I felt I had a problem. I'm glad not to suffer hangovers now. There have been a couple of crap days when I'd have drank from a sweaty sock but managed to abstain.

Sigma Force

Ghekko wrote: »

Over 17 months off drink now. I found it hard at first but now that everyone knows I don't drink I don't feel as conspicuous when out. People thought I was mad giving up as they all said it's not like I had a problem - problem was I felt I had a problem. I'm glad not to suffer hangovers now. There have been a couple of crap days when I'd have drank from a sweaty sock but managed to abstain.

Well done! Have you support around you? 17 months is amazing. My OH is 10 months off it now, he still gets very tired but some of it is boredom when he's working he's grand. He finds it hard to get motivated when he's not working but he's no cravings for drink although he still dreams about it. He's just so happy he doesn't have to get up and hour or two early to knock beers back so he can function for part of the day now he still gets up a bit earlier but his routine is different, has a coffee, watches the news etc. The best thing is if hecwas called to work at short notice he can say yep I'll be there. He can give people a lift now his licence is back, he has a great relationship with his daughter who was distancing herself before but he is still himself and he's still learning. He's just a more reliable trustworthy healthier version. Best thing he ever done amd I'm sure people who know you well think the same deep down. You sound like you're being very honest with everyone, sometimes it's the friends or family that are weirded out by honesty but you'll find over time they'll open up. Honesty sounds so simple but it's a great relief to my OH that he doesn't have to hide or lie now, it's a learning process but being open about it is a great place to start. You should be well chuffed with yourself

tiddy_boo

I'm not sure if my experience will help at all but here goes! Also warning this might be a bit long

I'm 26 and I have never been much of a drinker, don't get me wrong I've had plenty of nights out where drink is involved but I try not to drink too much or too often. I never set out to live that way, there was just a few things about drinking that put me off. I never really liked the feeling of being drunk, I absolutely hated the idea of being physically sick from alcohol and I never liked they way it made me feel the next day so I just don't really do it. Recently I drink very little I could tell you in the past 6 months (if not more) I have had 2 or 3 glasses of wine.

To be honest the worst thing about it is other people! The constant questions of why you don't go out every weekend or why you go home at 12 am or 1 am or why you won't have another one. I find that really annoying because people can be weirdly judgmental about it, as if you have no idea how to enjoy yourself because you don't like getting hammered.

Instead I like to get up early grab a coffee and take my dog for a walk, it might sounds boring but to be honest I find it really fulfilling. Its great to get the exercise, (I work in an office so I need the exercise) and my dog is happier running around on the beach that at home on the couch and my reward is a nice overpriced takeaway coffee. I think the very same could apply to you with the gym/training and you'll soon prefer that over a night of binge drinking and morning of hangovers.

I think it does depend on what motivates you and how you want to use your time. I'm happy enough to go out and only have 1 or 2 and go home at a reasonable hour (optional) because I know the next day I can still get up early, clear and refreshed and get things done. I'm studying for exams at the moment so I use the weekend to do the bulk of my studying and I like to do it in the morning. At least then its out of the way and I can enjoy the rest of the day. For me, it means if I want to go out and enjoy myself I can do so without guilt or things I should be doing or have done hanging over me.

It kind of becomes a cycle, because when you go out you're not going mad so you know you won't be wrecked the next day and then you make use of the day (instead of being slumped on the couch feeling like crap)and then the next time you want to go out you're motivated not to overdo it because you know you can still go out and enjoy yourself and make good use of your weekend. I hope that makes some kind of sense! I guess what I'm trying to say is you can have the bets of both worlds!

I hope this helps!

Ghekko

Sigma Force wrote: »

Well done! Have you support around you? 17 months is amazing. My OH is 10 months off it now, he still gets very tired but some of it is boredom when he's working he's grand. He finds it hard to get motivated when he's not working but he's no cravings for drink although he still dreams about it. He's just so happy he doesn't have to get up and hour or two early to knock beers back so he can function for part of the day now he still gets up a bit earlier but his routine is different, has a coffee, watches the news etc. The best thing is if hecwas called to work at short notice he can say yep I'll be there. He can give people a lift now his licence is back, he has a great relationship with his daughter who was distancing herself before but he is still himself and he's still learning. He's just a more reliable trustworthy healthier version. Best thing he ever done amd I'm sure people who know you well think the same deep down. You sound like you're being very honest with everyone, sometimes it's the friends or family that are weirded out by honesty but you'll find over time they'll open up. Honesty sounds so simple but it's a great relief to my OH that he doesn't have to hide or lie now, it's a learning process but being open about it is a great place to start. You should be well chuffed with yourself

Thank you. I joined a Facebook group called 'one year no beer' and found it a great support. There was no judgement. People are encouraged to do other stuff like exercise, get up early at weekends to make the most of the day. I still haven't done that though - I love my lie ins :-) It is great to be able to drive and go to a restaurant further away and not wonder who will drive or have to pay for taxis. I love the sense of feeling free - free from the internal debates as to whether or not I'll drink tonight, what I'll drink, berating myself for having a drink etc. It used to drive me daft and it's not like I was drinking every night or getting hammered when I did drink, but it was the cycle of telling myself I should have a drink and then giving out to myself the day after for having one. Fair play to your OH. I dream about drinking too and for the first year when i was determined to stay off it, I'd wake up so relieved that it had been a dream. Routine needs to change in order to break the cycle and not get bored, as you know can happen. It's great he's so good with your daughter. Wishing him continued sobriety.

Turquoise Hexagon Sun

tiddy_boo wrote: »

I'm not sure if my experience will help at all but here goes! Also warning this might be a bit long

I'm 26 and I have never been much of a drinker, don't get me wrong I've had plenty of nights out where drink is involved but I try not to drink too much or too often. I never set out to live that way, there was just a few things about drinking that put me off. I never really liked the feeling of being drunk, I absolutely hated the idea of being physically sick from alcohol and I never liked they way it made me feel the next day so I just don't really do it. Recently I drink very little I could tell you in the past 6 months (if not more) I have had 2 or 3 glasses of wine.

To be honest the worst thing about it is other people! The constant questions of why you don't go out every weekend or why you go home at 12 am or 1 am or why you won't have another one. I find that really annoying because people can be weirdly judgmental about it, as if you have no idea how to enjoy yourself because you don't like getting hammered.

Instead I like to get up early grab a coffee and take my dog for a walk, it might sounds boring but to be honest I find it really fulfilling. Its great to get the exercise, (I work in an office so I need the exercise) and my dog is happier running around on the beach that at home on the couch and my reward is a nice overpriced takeaway coffee. I think the very same could apply to you with the gym/training and you'll soon prefer that over a night of binge drinking and morning of hangovers.

I think it does depend on what motivates you and how you want to use your time. I'm happy enough to go out and only have 1 or 2 and go home at a reasonable hour (optional) because I know the next day I can still get up early, clear and refreshed and get things done. I'm studying for exams at the moment so I use the weekend to do the bulk of my studying and I like to do it in the morning. At least then its out of the way and I can enjoy the rest of the day. For me, it means if I want to go out and enjoy myself I can do so without guilt or things I should be doing or have done hanging over me.

It kind of becomes a cycle, because when you go out you're not going mad so you know you won't be wrecked the next day and then you make use of the day (instead of being slumped on the couch feeling like crap)and then the next time you want to go out you're motivated not to overdo it because you know you can still go out and enjoy yourself and make good use of your weekend. I hope that makes some kind of sense! I guess what I'm trying to say is you can have the bets of both worlds!

I hope this helps!

I like your perspective.

I used to be a heavy drinker. I realised my binge-drinking and frequency of binge-drinking was related to other issues in my life. I drank every weekend since I was 15 to around 30-something. That's not to mention all the drugs I took too. Every drug under the sun.

I know drink occasionally and I rarely get drunk. I'm 8 months off cigarettes now too and haven't touched drugs in nearly 2 years.

I can really relate to what you say. Getting up and feeling fresh is so rewarding. It's like there's no honeymoon phase where that goes away. Every weekend I wake up, fresh and ready to do things and that is rewarding in and of itself. It's strange because I used to want to drink to have fun and escapism and that was great but I didn't think I could get so much value from not doing that.

It's not so much peaks and valleys now, mood-wise or excitement-wise. It's little rewards daily, doing the right thing.

Now that I've beaten the habit to get obliterated drunk and take drugs, I quit smoking and am back studying, the next thing for me is to take care of my physical health. I'm going to join a gym in the Autumn before Winter kicks in so I have a place to go during the cold months and train. I'm doing that for my mind as much as my body. I want to feel better. I have been feeling better.

OP, I've still gone out and had some drinks but rarely. At home, I just may to have something 1-2 beers every couple of weeks. As I said, I rarely get drunk. A lot of my friends were heavy drinkers so I lost some people. I don't call stay in touch with the old drinking buddies now. When I meet new people, I'm trying to attract those around me that will be good for me. People that don't drink that much, people that have hobbies.

If you don't have hobbies and going out and drinking is your thing, how do you expect to sustain friendships? I see old mates and they don't have hobbies. I got so many so I've always a lot to do and more I want to do.

Life is good, I got more money and I've bought more things for my hobbies that I've never done when I was a binge-drinker. I'm catching up with what the sensible people were doing in their 20's, I'm finally getting around to that now.

Sigma Force

Ghekko wrote: »

Thank you. I joined a Facebook group called 'one year no beer' and found it a great support. There was no judgement. People are encouraged to do other stuff like exercise, get up early at weekends to make the most of the day. I still haven't done that though - I love my lie ins :-) It is great to be able to drive and go to a restaurant further away and not wonder who will drive or have to pay for taxis. I love the sense of feeling free - free from the internal debates as to whether or not I'll drink tonight, what I'll drink, berating myself for having a drink etc. It used to drive me daft and it's not like I was drinking every night or getting hammered when I did drink, but it was the cycle of telling myself I should have a drink and then giving out to myself the day after for having one. Fair play to your OH. I dream about drinking too and for the first year when i was determined to stay off it, I'd wake up so relieved that it had been a dream. Routine needs to change in order to break the cycle and not get bored, as you know can happen. It's great he's so good with your daughter. Wishing him continued sobriety.

Very true, it's a whole new lifestyle but like any change you have to work at it. I'm trying to loose weight and it's so hard to get out of my old routine so can only imagine how hard it is for anyone in addiction. I think the same steps apply for anyone changing they're way of life, wether it's an addiction, unhealthy habit, anxiety etc. Using the same key points when giving up alcohol can be used for so many things. Not even talking about the AA steps just some really common sense ones like taking care of yourself, taking time to think before responding. Learning to listen to others and to speak to others honestly and openly it's all freeing. My OH is 14 months sober and just got a car and new job, just back from a fantastic holiday where he did have to fave challenges but the fun we had on the boats etc. Far outweighed any worries and he's seen another way of life that doesn't revolve around the pub. It's a tough start but it gets easier you learn so much about other people too and not to sweat the small stuff. Best of luck for your future sounds like you made a really good choice for yourself and it's working out

Haven't touched alcohol since New Year's Day 2014. I don't miss it in the slightest. This forum and some of the posts were singularly helpful in the darkest days. Although it may be quiet, there's a great repository of wisdom here - a poster named Realies had some very insightful posts which gave me great perspective at the time. I've written about what helped me to give up before so rather than repeat myself, three points:

1. Change your environment: For me, this was the most important thing to do once I had decided drink and I had to break up. I avoided all places where drink was sold and accordingly curtailed my social life immensely. It didn't matter. I had to save myself, and I knew my weaknesses. You must put yourself first, because until you get out of this hole, you're no good to anybody else never mind to yourself.

2. Reinvent yourself: Drink was my best friend for years, even if other humans thought they had that position. Yes, that is cold. But it is the unvarnished truth. We did everything together. When I made the decision to leave it, I had to stick with it as the heartbreak would be too much if I ever went back. So, to fill the gap made by all that time and all those spare thoughts, I took up new hobbies, started listening to new music, got big into walking, and just being more aware of my surroundings and how fast life was flying. I fell in love with quietness, with calm background music, with no music, with simple sounds like listening to water. I also had a couple of kids which sort of blew all that nice chilled-out stuff out of the water. In short, get busy but ensure you leave "recovery" time for you as you've just had a nasty breakup and the only way you're going to grow to love other things is by tasting them bit by bit.

3. You don't necessarily need professional help: While many, many people would disagree with this, I feel that people often underestimate their own ability to sort things out and instead fall into a cultural default position of "I need help from a professional". Make some significant common sense changes to your life like the above. Also change your routine and wider diet and you will do more for yourself than any professional could. Sort you out first. Yes, insight into things is very important but you don't necessarily need to attend various meetings or expensive counselling for that. You need to have a single, non-negotiable rule: I will never, ever drink again. It no longer consumes your thoughts, and thus threatens your future once that is out of the question in every event.

Reinvent your life from that very simple "I'll never drink again" basis. You will be overwhelmed by the choice life offers you outside of alcohol. It is completely normal now for me not to drink, or want to drink. The "I need a drink to be happy" phase lasted a few months but once I decided there was no going back (i.e. it was no longer some future option in the back of my mind), staying off drink got so much easier. Having a drink again was simply never going to happen. The idea that there'll be a huge void in life once drink is no longer there is the sort of stupidthink which I engaged in before I decided to break up with drink. I had so many wrongheaded ideas about alcohol and how difficult it would be to live without it.