Irish fleeing to Japan

drillyeye

The year is 2020202, and suspiciously like 1980's Ireland.

The RIRIRA (Really Irate Real Irish Republican Army) and British forces have been fighting over the northern counties for years, but it has finally spread to the rest of the republic and its mayhem.

The German, French and Italian governments have sidestepped the responsibility for Irish refugees fleeing for their lives, despite being the obvious choice, culturally, geographically and historically.

Instead, the Irish refugees make the logical choice to claim asylum in Japan(!). If the Irish can track across the European continent, the Japanese have a rail network specifically set up for them, and this will transport you the rest of the way to Japan.

As well as thousands upon thousands of Irish that have decided it makes sense to travel to Japan, with so many cultural similarities (!), thousands upon thousands of Germans, English, French, Italians, Greeks and Swedish have decided to go too for the hell of it. The Japanese president even made a global broadcast "everyones welcome!"

A percentage will suffer some temporary indignity in a refugee center just outside Tokyo while receiving a very small stipend, but most wont. There is more than a decent chance of being offered social housing by the Japanese government, worth upwards of several hundred thousand euro's if youre lucky.

You'll be fast tracked to citizenship asap and the Japanese will hold celebratory ceremonies for each batch of European refugees (because the Irish crisis somehow magically includes all Europe now).

You can then send your children to Japanese schools that proudly boast 20 different nationalities of Europe, and needn't worry about signposting in the schools because they'll be translated into 5 common European languages.

You needn't worry too much about family you left behind, because the Japanese government are discussing ways to get your family over too.

And don't worry about getting bored in Japan, because your eventual Japanese passport will allow you to work and travel anywhere you like in Asia (whether those other countries agree or not)

And don't worry if you happen to be catholic in a largely non-Catholic country, because Germany, France and Italy have promised readily available funds to build catholic churches in Japan.

And don't worry about not fitting in, a very loud segment of the Japanese population will gladly embrace your culture and (sometimes simultaneously) magically fail to recognise what culture Japan even had before you came.

You'll probably be over-represented in everything from media, and they will jump on the ratings by increasing the antagonism between Japanese people themselves over the sudden and large scale immigration from Europe.

There will also be a small contingent of RIRIRA fighters who have openly declared war on Japan, and that have announced they will infiltrate amongst the refugees, do so, have set up terrorist cells, and in more than a few incidents have slaughtered many Japanese people in public.

You will hear of Irish schools in Tokyo where radical RIRIRA have tried to teach younger irish children to become suicide bombers. There will be irish gangs that groom Japanese children into the sex trade, and there will be many contested incidents of Japanese people being raped/molested by irish people.

---

Its not 100% an accurate translation of the position of course, but close enough (but that will bear out in the commentary, I don't have all day for every nuance). And although a few things relate to muslims in Europe, I'm really more interested in the overall effect, no matter where you come from/your religion.

Considering the alternate reality above, how completely crazy do the Japanese sound? Very thoughtful, but gone off the rails?


So what does anyone else have to say, or to add to accuracy? Is it surprising at all to consider things from a flip side? Clarify things, or make no difference?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Once I saw it was over 218000 years in the future, I gave up reading.

drillyeye

Oh and one other itty bitty detail, Japan has a housing crisis at the same time. Just in case it was making too much sense

Fr_Dougal

The answer is 42.

Esel

Not reading that!

Richard Hillman

And with your point, I think most sensible people will agree that the Japanese are far too smart to wreck their country

drillyeye

Richard Hillman wrote: »

And with your point, I think most sensible people will agree that the Japanese are far too smart to wreck their country

Its a good exercise in argument, and critical thinking to flip situations. It can often add much clarity.

As I said above, its not a perfect translation by any means, but its a good kick-off point for conversation.

Had a talk about it earlier with some from Japan, and afterwards I was just left with the impression "this is banana's!"

And a few nuts thrown in for good measure

whatdoicare

Purplemonkeydishwasher....hairy japanese bastards!

Samuel T. Cogley

Bukkake ruined my carpet.

the_syco

drillyeye wrote: »

You'll be fast tracked to citizenship asap and the Japanese will hold celebratory ceremonies for each batch of European refugees

Nope, because Japan doesn't give other people citizenship, unless you have a dick ton of money.

milehip

Been at the sake again OP?

dxhound2005

the_syco wrote: »

Nope, because Japan doesn't give other people citizenship, unless you have a dick ton of money.

They already took nearly all the money in the world. And there is no sign of them paying it back.

drillyeye

the_syco wrote: »

Nope, because Japan doesn't give other people citizenship, unless you have a dick ton of money.

Well, that's a telling difference in the real world!

Havockk

Don't settle in Tokyo lads, it's not known as the city waiting to die for no reason!

um7y1h83ge06nx

I need a boost, been a busy week so far and it's only Thursday tomorrow.

So what are you on OP?

dxhound2005

When you go over it will be important to know that Fukushima is not pronounced Foo Koo She Ma. It's Foo Koosh Ma.

pumpkin4life

Thank god we have a good responsible leader who cares about the Irish people.

drillyeye

Nathalia Young Significant wrote: »

I need a boost, been a busy week so far and it's only Thursday tomorrow.

So what are you on OP?

Unlike some people in Europe, Earth. :P

Hitman3000

School still closed?

dav3

TL;DR Version

All the Irish get jobs making sex robots and embrace the Japanese culture of KFC and potato flavoured Kit Kats. The End.

The wren
Earns his living
Noiselessly.

drillyeye

Hitman3000 wrote: »

School still closed?

No, otherwise I'd have you standing in the corner of the classroom, lecturing you on the importance of real life.

Now go write an essay on "Why hitman3000 sucks, and what he can do about it" :P

drillyeye

Which lunatic voted for "good decision" Is that you Kim jong?

Hitman3000

drillyeye wrote:

Now go write an essay on "Why hitman3000 sucks, and what he can do about it"

I don't suck, although I have been on the receiving end of a good suck.

drillyeye

Hitman3000 wrote: »

I don't suck, although I have been on the receiving end of a good suck.

Although technically true, cellotaping some skittles to your bejongle and letting the pet Chihuahua go to town doesn't count.

And I don't mean giving the dog the luas fare.

And by bejongle I mean yojandle

dxhound2005

It's Sellotape.

Mrs OBumble

OP you got the country wrong. It's the Koreans who like Irish music, so let the regugees in. Kinda to thank the Irish missionaries who helped rebuild their country in the 1950s onwards.

bazz26

drillyeye

dxhound2005 wrote: »

It's Sellotape.

You misunderstand.

I have safely assumed that Hitman3000 is a cellist, and no doubt of great repute and on many simultaneous tours of the great concert halls of Europe.

Ergo, as any famous cellist will tell you, one can never have enough of the specially designed "cello"tape, lest a fracture should occur in your instrument during the rhythmic plucking of strings in public.

Faux-pas are to be avoided, and when in doubt, don't leave home without.....cellotape.

dxhound2005

As someone once said to a not very good woman cellist. You have something there between your legs which could bring pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is sit there and scratch it.

pleas advice

Makenna Jolly Paperboy wrote: »

Once I saw it was over 218000 years in the future, I gave up reading.

I'd just hope I ran into Samantha Mumba

drillyeye

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

OP you got the country wrong. It's the Koreans who like Irish music, so let the regugees in. Kinda to thank the Irish missionaries who helped rebuild their country in the 1950s onwards.

Well unless they are as opposite as possible, the analogy still stands.