Guy who believes he was abused. Advice.

corkladonthis

I am a guy in my mid-twenties and I'm very bothered over an issue that happened when I was younger. Part of me feels I imagined it and I wish it wasn't true.
When I was in my pre-teens/early teens I used be near an man who was over ten years older than me. He used be playing games with me. ie play fighting but as I got older I started to feel slightly more odd about it.
Now I wasn't raped just touched sexually and put my hand on him.
A few times he hit me and put his hands around my neck as in he was going to chock me.
He also tried and stop me seeing friends and who I could see.
It was all done very underhand.
Due to an unrelated manner he made an exit out of my life when I as around fourteen. I was in contact with him a lot less.
I have very little contact with him now. I endure him when I have to. Something ticed me off lately tough he mentioned a case in the news and When I looked back on his facebook news feed he shared a story about a guy that was abused and said he was such a strong man and he never really uses facebook.
I have struggled with relationships. Any sexual touching makes me feel really uncomfortable and I have given up trying. I did give things ago but things just moved to fast for me. So, i gave up on relationships that could have being successful.
Work wise I had issues but that's sort of okay now.
I used drink but I was doing it to much and was basically passing out. Alcohol made me feel great when I was about twenty and it allowed me have a good nights sleep but I realised things could have ended up badly so I gave it up.
I live/work with my family and I have barely socialised in the last few years. Firstly everything involves alcohol and secondly being on the pull and having people coming onto me. So I basically cut out friends as well. Apart from the odd message or bumping into one another.
Outside of what happened to me in the past I feel very lonely. I have tried in the past with relationships/etc but I just never get anywhere. I see friends/people I went to school with starting families and getting married and I am happy for them but I can never see this happening for me.
Sorry if my post is all over the place. English wrtting was never really my thing.

farmerwifelet

counselling - I would highly recommend it. You need to sort out these feelings about what happened and how to deal with it properly. I was in a similar situation and talking it through with a therapist helped me deal with things that had been haunting me.

Tenigate

A lot of people make the mistake of trying to pinpoint an event in their life that they can blame for everything that went wrong since then. Sure that guy might have been an oddball but take control of your life and stop thinking him into the bogeyman.
Counselling would be a good idea.

December2012

The behaviour sounds inappropriate from him. That's an awful thing for you to go through. And it sounds like you're very unhappy with the way things are now. So I think counselling would be a really good thing for you to start.

You're a young man and you have your whole life ahead of you.

You can make it a great one!

corkladonthis

Thanks.
He mainly touched my penis and butt and got me to touch his This happened a good few times.
It's just hard to get my head around at times.

Tenigate

corkladonthis wrote: »

Thanks.
He mainly touched my penis and butt and got me to touch his This happened a good few times.
It's just hard to get my head around at times.

It's not your first time posting on this subject. Get professional help.

Are you straight or gay? If the latter, well not trying to victim blame but it might explain how you ended up stuck in that situation when you were younger.

corkladonthis

To be honest I have never really thought of it that way before. I didn't encourage this man, I just thought it was a game.

pc7

Tenigate wrote: »

It's not your first time posting on this subject. Get professional help.
.

Yes, I remember you posting about this before, please get some help to help you work through this. Best of luck.

Tenigate

corkladonthis wrote: »

To be honest I have never really thought of it that way before. I didn't encourage this man, I just thought it was a game.

At 11-14? Really?

Neyite

Mod:

Tenigate, please don't post on this thread again. You are minimising and dismissing sexual assault, and it's unhelpful to the OP.

December2012

corkladonthis wrote: »

To be honest I have never really thought of it that way before. I didn't encourage this man, I just thought it was a game.

You didn't encourage. Children don't encourage adults to do those things.

corkladonthis

Thanks. I suppose I'm just afraid of speaking up about it became I know I'll be told similar to what the above user said.

Bambi985

Don't mind that OP. Sexual assault and rape is a very taboo and very weighted subject, particularly at the moment, and reactions can be fraught. You'll find that a lot of people don't fully understand how it manifests and will quite often say the wrong thing.

That should not stop you from seeking help and processing these events and the feelings they've left you with and ensure they don't negatively impact the rest of your life. That should absolutely be your priority.

I know it's hard to take that first step, but you will absolutely not regret seeking help for yourself and you will face no blame or judgement whatsoever from a qualified therapist.

Can you promise you'll make either a GP appointment or do some research into therapists that specialise in sexual assault and related crimes in the next few days?

corkladonthis

I'd probably be best off to start with a helpline in my current situation.
Mods can ye please lock and delete this thread. Tanks.