Bit annoyed - should I change pyschotherapist or am I in the wrong

doireann08

Hi everyone

I've been going to the same pyschotherapist for the last 7 years . I was originally referred to her by my GP to help me manage work related stress . But I had a lot of issues from my childhood to deal with so I continued to go to her reasonably regularly . ( sometimes once a week for a few months , would occasionally take a few months break and resume seeing her once a month )

Overall I found her to be very good and I found going to her very helpful . Since I have seen her , her rate was the same €70 per session .

In the summer of 2016, I took time off work, did some travelling , but ended up being a joint caregiver with my mother for my Dad who was diagnosed with terminal cancer in May 2017. He passed away in 2017.
I continued to se my therapist during this time . I finally went back to work late last year .

So while I was off work , I could be reasonably feasible in seeing my therapist during the day . Now that I am back at work, I can only see her after work during the week .

About 6 weeks ago , she mentioned that she was fully booked for her after work slots and she would let me know when a slot became available .
That's fine . I got an cancellation slot today after work , so off I went .

All was fine until I handed her the payment . I gave her €80 , the rate I have paid for years was €70. When I saw that she wasn't offering to give me my change , she asked , oh are you waiting for change .
I replied , yes isn't it normally €70? . She said that the rates had gone up to €90. But they she would charge me €80 per session. Now I was annoyed that there had been zero mention of this at all. I felt it could have been handled better , rather than me wondering why I wasn't getting any change .

She said that her rates had gone up months ago but she didn't want to say anything to me .

Am I right to be annoyed her . This could have been mentioned to me before today , rather than just saying it as I was paying .

I think it's a lot to pay to be honest and am thinking of changing . Other than this I found her very good and the thought of starting afresh with some one completely new seems like starting all over again

Any advice here ?

WIZWEB

I'd imagine you've spent a lot of money over those seven years. I can understand your attachment but moving on should always be the aim. It's nice to have the emotional crutch to fall back on but at what cost (not just financial). Encouraged dependency is never healthy. Your therapist should be motivating and encouraging you to move forward with your life. She should have passed on a skill set to do so at this stage. I'd also seriously question the value you're getting from this therapy after all these years considering how long you've felt the need to engage in it.

It's hard to disengage and start again because of the established familiarity. However it appears the status quo is being maintained by both albeit at an even greater financial cost to you. I would see this as an opportunity to find another therapist albeit short-term with a solutions focused remit to break this codependency chain. Ideally any good therapist should give you the skills to cope without them. That is their key role. You've presented her a range of issues but these are often enmeshed from childhood experiences. She should have got to the roots by now. It should not take almost a decade to do so in my opinion.

Another perspective could be that she's deliberately curtailing her availability to you by making slots unavailable while increasing her prices. Six weeks appears a long time to be fully booked up. This might be to encourage you to naturally move on.

Again these opinions are purely speculative.

Rubberchikken

Are you upset about the 10euro difference or the fact that you weren't told in advance about the increase?
I realised the issue would be that before i finished the first paragraph mainly because i would assume charges would have increased.
You have to decide what youre achieving from these sessions. Youve been going to her a long time.

nostro

Unavailablity and increased price would seem to indicate that she wants you to stop seeing her. Seven years is a long time but you may be better off going to someone else.

doireann08

WIZWEB wrote: »

I'd imagine you've spent a lot of money over those seven years. I can understand your attachment but moving on should always be the aim. It's nice to have the emotional crutch to fall back on but at what cost (not just financial). Encouraged dependency is never healthy. Your therapist should be motivating and encouraging you to move forward with your life. She should have passed on a skill set to do so at this stage. I'd also seriously question the value you're getting from this therapy after all these years considering how long you've felt the need to engage in it.

It's hard to disengage and start again because of the established familiarity. However it appears the status quo is being maintained by both albeit at an even greater financial cost to you. I would see this as an opportunity to find another therapist albeit short-term with a solutions focused remit to break this codependency chain. Ideally any good therapist should give you the skills to cope without them. That is their key role. You've presented her a range of issues but these are often enmeshed from childhood experiences. She should have got to the roots by now. It should not take almost a decade to do so in my opinion.

Another perspective could be that she's deliberately curtailing her availability to you by making slots unavailable while increasing her prices. Six weeks appears a long time to be fully booked up. This might be to encourage you to naturally move on.

Again these opinions are purely speculative.

Thank you . I would agree that she is limiting her availability to get me to move on . I went to her particularly in the last year to get some additional support as I was caring for my father who had terminal cancer and needed this additional support .
I would rather she had spoken to me about moving on etc etc rather than just becoming less available and increasing her prices though . I won't be going back but not too sure about going to another therapist to be honest .

doireann08

Rubberchikken wrote: »

Are you upset about the 10euro difference or the fact that you weren't told in advance about the increase?
I realised the issue would be that before i finished the first paragraph mainly because i would assume charges would have increased.
You have to decide what youre achieving from these sessions. Youve been going to her a long time.

More annoyed that I wasn't told in advance and also the lack of availability considering I had been going to her for so long , I do agree with everyone that she was trying to get me to stop going . I would have preferred she was more upfront about it and discussed it with me . I won't be going back to her to be honest

Johngoose

doireann08 wrote: »

More annoyed that I wasn't told in advance and also the lack of availability considering I had been going to her for so long , I do agree with everyone that she was trying to get me to stop going . I would have preferred she was more upfront about it and discussed it with me . I won't be going back to her to be honest

I think you could get a friend to ring up and ask what the price is per hour. I also agree with the other posters that the therapist seems to want to end the therapy sessions with you.

LegacyUser

She should have been honest with you from the start. It's not very professional of her to be so underhand about ending your sessions together, particularly given the fact that she works with emotionally vulnerable people.

doireann08

Ananomouse wrote: »

She should have been honest with you from the start. It's not very professional of her to be so underhand about ending your sessions together, particularly given the fact that she works with emotionally vulnerable people.

That's what I am most pissed off about . Given that I am recently lost my Dad , I wish she had been more honest and I have been going for years . I've no desire to go back to her . I agree with everyone that she was trying to get me to go elsewhere !

B.A._Baracus

Honestly, I don't think she is trying to make you go anywhere.
Sad fact is after seven years you will be seen as a cash cow. Listen to your issues, give you the same type of speech and see you next week. You know yourself.

It is wrong she increased the price and didn't let you know. Like you'll pay no matter what.
Yes one can argue this is only a business relationship (which it is) but you make concessions to a long time client (discount rate, last minute notice etc) and you didn't get any of that.

Find someone else.

doireann08

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Honestly, I don't think she is trying to make you go anywhere.
Sad fact is after seven years you will be seen as a cash cow. Listen to your issues, give you the same type of speech and see you next week. You know yourself.

It is wrong she increased the price and didn't let you know. Like you'll pay no matter what.
Yes one can argue this is only a business relationship (which it is) but you make concessions to a long time client (discount rate, last minute notice etc) and you didn't get any of that.

Find someone else.

Yeah she was just pocketing the €80 and then asked was I expecting change . Of course I was . If she had increased her rates that's fine, but would have expected better communication about it weeks ago .
I also felt that the last 2 times I saw her, she was more distracted and could sense a change . Anyways decision made , Thanks just felt she was so rude . Of course it's a business relationship but would have expected better and more professional approach like :

- Doireann , you've been coming a while, I feel that you don't need to come to these sessions anymore, what do you think etc etc

zapper55

I think you are reading too much into the price change. I've experienced similar and the first I heard of it was when I went to pay.

Also maybe them being distracted and limiting appointment windows was to do with their personal life rather than you.

After 7 years going to someone I would expect to be equipped with the skills I need. If I were you I'd go back to her and ask her advice on you reducing and stopping counselling sessions. Maybe she felt by saying it to you you'd take it very personally. And considering your reaction to the price change, she might be right.

Pelvis

No one has any clue if she did this to get rid of you, and there is absolutely no reason to expect that is the case from what you've said.

Could it be that she actually has increased her prices? Are these listed online that you could check? Could there have been a notice put up in the office that she would have assumed you'd seen? Maybe she'd sent out notification to patients and missed you somehow?

I think making something out of nothing tbh.

witchgirl26

OP from what you've written to me it doesn't sound like she's purposely doing this. If you've been attending during the daytime (not post work hours) for the past year, she may have filled those post work slots and genuinely is letting you know that it will be difficult. Also in regards the price increase - it sounds like she put them up a while ago but has allowed you to pay less, possibly in consideration for your circumstances and for taking day sessions, but now that you're back working and need the more in demand slots, she's passing on the price increase. If the rate has stayed at €70 per session for the past 7 years, a price increase wouldn't be unreasonable at this point.

I think you might be making something out of nothing to be honest.

Tenigate

I don't think I can add anything more than anyone else already said. But I'll give it a go.

1. The price increase. I think she could have handled the price increase a bit better, but she may have genuinely forgot how much you usually pay except for knowing it was a bit less than her standard rate and accepted what you offered. It's common for many therapists to operate on a sliding scale.

2. Availability in the evenings. Few people like working evenings over a 9-5 so she simply tried to set a personal boundary of limiting her evening sessions, particularly if she has enough clients during the day.

Neither of these issues are anything you should take personally, and they're certainly not "unprofessional".

The bigger issue is that you're seeing the same therapist for so long. It's not a big deal, as she's obviously been with you for several crises in your life. But don't you feel you'll get more bang from your buck by visiting someone else? New tools, new points of view, and less dependence on one individual?

Ursus Horribilis

I'd be more concerned about all those years you've gone to her and all the money you've handed over. Has she given you any tools to enable you to deal with your issues? That's part of what going to any therapist should entail, not just sitting in a chair telling them the same yarns over and over again. Has she actually made you any better than you were when you started seeing her?

nostro

doireann08 wrote: »

I would rather she had spoken to me about moving on etc etc rather than just becoming less available and increasing her prices though .

Unfortunately this is very much the Irish way. Instead of saying something directly we drop hints and hope that the other person will get the message.

Flibble

Op... I work in a business that involves clients coming to me for potentially extended periods too.

Obviously can't speak for your situation directly as I don't know your therapist personally, but I will say that yes, she handled it poorly regarding informing you of the price increase.

However, it might have just been a genuine fumble on her part. It's fierce awkward trying to juggle price increases and remembering which long term clients may be on a lower price structure.

Regarding the evening appointments, they are usually the most in demand. The busier someone gets, the harder it is to accommodate clients no matter how much you try. I'm going through this currently- I work until 10pm/10.30pm 4 nights a week and clients who have been with me for years that pop up every now and again I'm having tremendous difficulty accommodating.

In her line of business, it's likely that her clients are committed to the same time every week for a course of sessions, so she might just genuinely have every evening spot filled.

I would be exceptionally surprised if this was her way of 'getting rid' of you. More likely that she's just managed to structure her weeks around regular appointment times and there's less flexibility due to her schedule being fuller. I have no problem 'firing' clients and she wouldn't be in her line of business as long as she is without aquiring that skill also, if that's what she wanted to do.

Every therapist makes their peace with the fact that every price increase loses you clients (but gains you different ones). I have the feeling her fumble re the price increase was just pure apathy/defensiveness about this...maybe.

Paddy Cow

She handled the price increase poorly. She should have informed you before the session but I believe her that her prices had increased to €90 a few months before and she was letting you off for awhile. €70 is very cheap. The standard is €100.

Last year I tried to make an appointment for evening time with a counsellor and there was a two month wait list. This was in a practice that had more than one counsellor. Those slots are coveted and again I believe her that it took that long for one to become available. I know you had being going to her for 7 years but that was during the day. She could hardly say to one of her regular evening clients that she had to cancel them to accommodate you.

The only thing she has done wrong here was not give you advance warning of the prices.