Deal with a BIL

LegacyUser

Hi,

I live with my wife and have a few kids. We are pretty happy and in love etc. Brother in Law lives close by but I don't like or get on with him. He usually calls when I am not around but I feel with the summer coming he may think he can call in when he want. He has his own kids who play with mine but he is a you know what. His kids and wife are lovely but he is a ******

Any advice how to deal with him. We don't speak barely say hello. He just pisses me off no end when he is in the house. I had a few words with my wife today and she is not happy but I had enough of him

loalae

What does he do that bothers you?

charlietheminxx

Does he do anything wrong or do you just dislike him? I wouldn’t be terribly happy with my partner telling me my brother isn’t welcome to visit me.

jimgoose

You two kids are going to have to find a way to play nicely, if only for the sake of your wives and kids. I don't know whether he's a prick, or you're a prick, or both, and I don't care - this kind of thing happens all the time and people just get along because it's the civil, correct thing to do.

witchgirl26

I'm not surprised your wife isn't happy. If it's just that you don't like him rather than he's done anything in particular than unfortunately you may just have to put up. I would not be impressed with my partner telling me I couldn't see my brother in my own home because he just didn't like him. I don't know why you think he'll start just calling in whenever during the summer. If he only calls when you're not there then he obviously isn't trying to antagonise you so I don't understand why you think this might suddenly change.

Look OP if you're old enough to be married with kids then you're old enough to know that you aren't always going to get along or like everyone but sometimes you have to bite your tongue and stick it out for the sake of the people you love. Unless it's a case that he's done something terrible or that and you don't want him around your family for that reason then you don't have a leg to stand on really. And even if he has, if your wife still wants to have a relationship with him then she is perfectly entitled to.

ManOfMystery

There's two very simple scenarios here.

Has he done something on you? Physical abuse, verbal abuse, conned you out of money, slandered you, etc? Then you're well within your rights to tell him to stay out of your house, and your wife should understand your reasoning for doing so.

Is it just a personality conflict? If so, then it's a case of put up or shut up. You won't get on with everyone you ever meet, but it would be cruel and OTT of you to affect his relationship with his sister or your kids/his kids if he's never actually done anything wrong, but just because you and him don't 'click'.

Tenigate

Op.. you're the problem.

Your wife's brother is visiting her in her home, usually when you're not home, and you still have a problem with him?
Are you a bully? Is this a control thing?

C3PO

BIL_Issue wrote: »

Hi,

I live with my wife and have a few kids. We are pretty happy and in love etc.

I'm not convinced that this thread is for real! I've never heard anyone say that they have a "few kids" ... like a few pairs of shoes? And "in love etc"!! Either your making it up or you have a very strange attitude to your wife and family!

LegacyUser

cheers everyone for the comments. It has given me some food for thought. It is really a personality clash and I feel double standards apply with him. I think I will just piss off when he comes otherwise be civil. I have no issue with him coming on a weekly visit to see his sister and our kids but unless I give the cold shoulder I would have him everyday which I find too much - it used to be like this and I get the feeling this could be returning if I start to be too civil. I really find coming home from work and then dealing with this **** on a regular basis would be too much.

Xterminator

Hi Op

Do you live in a studio apartment? I assume not, so when you get in, greet him civilly and find something else to do in another room.
I take you at face value when you say he is not someone you wish to associate with. So just say hi, and wander off till he is gone.

Good manners are free, and i'm sure most posters have in laws or extended family members they don't particularly like, its not an uncommon situation. So set a good example to the kids, & deal with it like an adult.

December2012

BIL_Issue wrote: »

cheers everyone for the comments. It has given me some food for thought. It is really a personality clash and I feel double standards apply with him. I think I will just piss off when he comes otherwise be civil. I have no issue with him coming on a weekly visit to see his sister and our kids but unless I give the cold shoulder I would have him everyday which I find too much - it used to be like this and I get the feeling this could be returning if I start to be too civil. I really find coming home from work and then dealing with this **** on a regular basis would be too much.

So you are worried if you are nicer to him he will come around more? is that it?

LegacyUser

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi Op

Do you live in a studio apartment? I assume not, so when you get in, greet him civilly and find something else to do in another room.
I take you at face value when you say he is not someone you wish to associate with. So just say hi, and wander off till he is gone.

Good manners are free, and i'm sure most posters have in laws or extended family members they don't particularly like, its not an uncommon situation. So set a good example to the kids, & deal with it like an adult.

Xterminator you are 100% correct, good manner cost nothing. That is the way I have been playing this and saying hi and bye etc. I have tried a few times to talk and ask a few questions but he doesn't participate so much so I leave it. He is the kind of guy that has no boundaries and think he is entitled to go where he wants when he wants without any consideration for the people around him.. very cheeky. I used to have a great relationship with him but see a "me fein" attitude to his behaviour which is not very appealing to me. My son even mentioned that he likes our daughter more than him as she plays with his little girl. I just said no and never mind that and that I think your a super little man. I even warned my wife about a situation that I knew would come up before he even mentioned it - basically our situation was a little irrelevant to his circumstances - I can read him like a book really.

As another poster asked if I am too civil he will call more often, this is correct so I need to apply a correct level to this... sounds terrible tbh. I think I will keep doing what I do and be nice but if he thinks our house is an open invitation to drop in every day when he wants then I have an more frequent issue with this.

Cheers all for the responses as some made me look at myself as well and this is never a bad thing in life.