Depressed after being dumped

Snugglebunnies

Three weeks ago my now ex came back from a holiday with his friends and was acting completely different. It just seemed like he didn't care about me any more.
He then broke up with me saying neither of us had time for the relationship. I'm a single parent and did my best to fit everything in. He has a very active social life, a full time job and us in a band at the weekend. He admitted he didn't wasn't to curtail anything in his life to be able to spend more time with me.
We were together nearly six years. He's cut off all contact from me and is hanging out with his friends as happy as can be.
I'm heartbroken as is my daughter. I'm going from work to home with no social life and feeling extremely down. I've tried keeping busy but it's not working. His friends ignore me when they see me too. They we're my only real social outlet too.
I've thought about joining clubs etc but they only one with people my age he is heavily involved in.
I don't understand how he walked away from us without a backward glance. We are both late twenties and I feel like I can't even move on from this at all.

ManOfMystery

There have been many times that people end relationships and seem to move on very quickly with either no regrets or seemingly no feelings on what they've just ended. The reality is, most people don't just wake up one morning and decid to end an otherwise healthy relationship - he probably checked out of the relationship a long time ago in his head and it's taken to now for him to carry through with the physical act of ending it. 

Unfortunately all you can do here is put this behind you. Whilst you and your daughter may be heartbroken, it's probably for the best - in the long run - that he's not making some attempt to slowly transition out of your lives or still play happy families, it would  just make the eventual separation longer and more protracted. 

If you're finding it difficult to move on, start making some plans for you and your daughter which aren't the usual mundane week-to-week type. Something that peaks your interests - new hobbies, a holiday, some spring/summer classes or outdoor stuff you can do, etc.

BetsyEllen

Snugglebunnies wrote: »

Three weeks ago my now ex came back from a holiday with his friends and was acting completely different. It just seemed like he didn't care about me any more.
He then broke up with me saying neither of us had time for the relationship. I'm a single parent and did my best to fit everything in. He has a very active social life, a full time job and us in a band at the weekend. He admitted he didn't wasn't to curtail anything in his life to be able to spend more time with me.
We were together nearly six years. He's cut off all contact from me and is hanging out with his friends as happy as can be.
I'm heartbroken as is my daughter. I'm going from work to home with no social life and feeling extremely down. I've tried keeping busy but it's not working. His friends ignore me when they see me too. They we're my only real social outlet too.
I've thought about joining clubs etc but they only one with people my age he is heavily involved in.
I don't understand how he walked away from us without a backward glance. We are both late twenties and I feel like I can't even move on from this at all.

To be honest OP the parts I've highlighted may have been part of the issue for him.
If I was dating someone who was fully dependant on me and my friends for their only social outings and had no friends of their own, I would find this unattractive.

He likely had the thought to break up with you for a while and then when he went away made the decision, time away from your normal day to day life can usually make you see things in a new light.

My advice to you would be to use the Meetup app and start your own group if there's nothing on there currently that suits you.

You will move on from this, I promise you. Keeping busy is key and will sometimes need to be forced but it's the only way.

Airyfairy12

BetsyEllen wrote: »

If I was dating someone who was fully dependant on me and my friends for their only social outings and had no friends of their own, I would find this unattractive.

I'd agree with this if they had only been together a couple of months but 6 years? Surely he'd care more about her and her daughter to not be concerned about her social life or at the very least he'd talk to her about it and encourage her to form her own friendships. Also we dont know the circumstances - maybe these were mutual friends when they began a relationship or maybe after spending so many years with her ex she formed natural bonds with his friends, maybe she didnt have the opportunity to meet new people and form new friendships - never felt the need to as she was close to his friends and her partner filled her social world. You dont expect someone to walk out on you after 6 years - its easy to get comfortable in a relationship and lose touch with people, especially after half a decade.

What he did was really heartless and how his friends are now treating you is equally as heartless. You havnt done anything so why are they treating you like you have??

Its easy for strangers to tell you to keep busy but when youre in the depths of a painful loss with no obvious outlets around you its very very difficult.

Can you invite some of your daughters friends over and ask their mothers to stay for tea? That might be a good way of forming a social circle as you will have something in common or could you join the parents council at her school?

Look up girl crew on facebook and also look up womens nights out and socialising groups, you'll be suprised by the amount that's out there and the amount of people in similar situations as yourself.
Join a pilates or yoga class - its not only good for keeping busy but keeps you fit too and mindfulness classes can be good for meeting people also while helping your mental health. Find your hobby then find people who are also interested in whatever that is. Where I am (the middle of nowhere) there is everything from art, weaving, sports and books clubs, theyre not very well advertised and often only discovered through online searching, facebook pages/groups or word of mouth. There has to be coffee mornings in your area -if there isnt set one up. You have to push yourself and put yourself out there if you want anything to change.

runningbuddy

I'm so sorry OP. It's ****. I went through a breakup early November and time does heal.

What helped me was getting off social media or at least block your ex. Looking him up achieves absolute nothing. Don't do it. Every time you don't do it, you will feel a little better.

Also, make it your project to improve your own social life. Maybe not immediately as you are still very raw but aim to do it soon.

Personal care. Eat, rest, excercise. Small things but so very important.

Grieve too. You need that time. Xx