Help! Girlfriend wants to end her life..

MayoMusician

Hey guys,

This is my first post on here but I’m writing it at a very unstable time in my life. Just to give you a bit of background about myself - Im a musician, gig at the weekends and teach then too. Currently trying to branch out into my own original stuff but finding it very hard to get attention around here and it’s really bringing me down recently. I’ve had a lot of family trouble in the last year and have fallen out with a family member through no fault of my own, but it’s really added to my own self esteem and confidence taking a huge hit. My girlfriend has gone through near enough the same too which I will get down to below. But enough about me, I need to talk about my girlfriend.

So, this whole thing started in about the month of September. We both moved to college and settled down in a place together. Had to move from our first house as landlord was a b**ch and in the end held our security deposit even though we didn’t damage any property and left it as we found it. After that, we moved across town to live in a dig house with the landlady. She was genuinely a lovely woman. Life was going good up until about October. Our Susi grant hadn’t come in and things just weren’t looking great for us financially. Both our parents are struggling unbelieveably with money. But we’re coping.

So, with all of these things adding up and the prospect of having to drop out of college becoming all the more inevitable, it all came to a fever pitch for her. On a day near the end of October, she decided to take her own life. She couldn’t bear this anymore and thought it was easier for everyone if she just left this world.

I was in a tutorial in college at the time and was mid way through a double class. I got a text from her saying that it was done. She wrote me her goodbye letter in that text message and that she loved me more than words can tell. This is paining me to write, but bear with me. So, I did what anyone would do and just got up and left the small room of people saying that I had an emergency. I ran out of the college after a couple of failed attempts to call her phone. Somehow I found a taxi in the busy traffic that was free and he agreed to drop me to the house where she was (our house). I didn’t have any cash on me at the time but I told him the magnitude of the situation and he let me off with it saying it wasn’t the time to look for money. I offered to take his Iban number and transfer some money to his account but he refused. Honestly, I never got his name or driver number but if I could find him, he helped me save my girlfriends life. On the way, I had rang the guards to tell them the situation and they agreed to drive to the house to check out what was wrong. I got there before them and had to face going in alone, not knowing if she was alive or dead inside the next door.

I found her passed out in our bed. She had overdosed majorly on paracetamol tablets. I did the only thing I knew to do. I tried shaking her to wake her up but all she did was moan as if she was passed out with alcohol. I called the ambulance and told them the story and within minutes, there was an ambulance at the house ready to take her to hospital. Everything got sorted in hospital, but I will never, ever forget the trauma and the feelings that I got that day. They live on so strong with me and because of that, I feel like I can’t let her go anywhere alone anymore. It’s like I need to protect her from herself.

So, after that, things carried on the same with her. She was still depressed and to make it worse, to this day she is still waiting for an appointment to see her psych doctor. THATS NEARLY 4 MONTHS LATER!!?? How is that even possible? She’s a girl that needs help but the system is so laxed in this country that she’s been waiting such a long time.

We both dropped out of college, well I took a leave of absence until September to sort my head out after it all. I feel it was the best thing for her as she needs space for her to think too.

Since December, she’s had problems sleeping. She rarely sleeps at night and if she’s not sleeping, she’s crying. She’s said a handful of times that she wants to end it all and that she can’t take one more bit of the pain. Last night, she stayed at my house. She couldn’t get to sleep at all and I woke up in the middle of the night and she was crying. I consoled her as best I could and eventually got her to sleep the only way I knew how. As a child, she loved getting her ear rubbed and that’s what I did. I treated her as if she was a child again and it calmed her down and she slept. She’s still asleep right now and I couldn’t be happier for her. She deserves it. When she was crying last night though, she said to me she can’t do this anymore. She doesn’t want to go through this pain. I’ve never ever felt so alone in the universe when she said this to me. I feel like the weight of responsibility on me to take care of her is far too much and is getting heavier every day.

She’s also quit her job because of her mental state and luckily she’s living at home otherwise she wouldnt be able to pay for rent etc. She has a GP appointment to talk about it all tomorrow morning and I honestly can’t wait for her to go to it. She gave her depression tablets last month and to be honest, they haven’t helped at all.

What steps can she and myself take from here? I forgot to mention that I am attending counselling and it is helping a lot. But at times I find it hard and find the world collapsing on me. I’m 20 years old and she’s 18 and we shouldn’t have to go through this at such a young age, but it’s happening and we have to deal with it.

Any help ye can give me, I would really really appreciate because I just don’t know why to do anymore. I want her to enjoy life and love every minute of it, but she can’t right now. I want her to go places and for me to know she will be safe and not have these thoughts. She’s the most fascinating girl and I’m so happy to call her my girlfriend. I love her to bits and would never let anything happen to her.

Thanks guys, itd mean the world if ye could help me.

Cash_Q

Maybe you've already been in touch with them, but try Pieta House

Free phone 1800247247

The phones are open 24 hours per day and staffed by trained counsellors specialising in self harm and suicidal ideation. (Not sure how they're managing with the weather but worth a try)

They can counsel you or her over the phone and can give you contact details for your local Pieta House centre.

If you have a Pieta House centre nearby, they will arrange an appointment for an initial assessment. They will place her on a waiting list for face to face counselling and the waiting time will depend on the severity of her suicidal thoughts.

Once appointments start she will be offered face to face counselling twice per week for the first three weeks and then once per week thereafter.

They will arrange holdover appointments in the meantime to tide her over.

Contact them, they're amazing and all completely free.

Tenigate

I'm sure you realise what your gf did was a "cry for help". So, good to see she's getting help.

Antidepressants can take 4 weeks to take effect, and doc may up the dose a few times after that. So she should expect to see an improvement soon, and possibly 8-12 weeks til she really sees the benefits. If she's not seeing any benefits, gp may decide to change her to a different drug.

There are free counselling services and many of the paid ones operate on a sliding scale. It's easy to say "the govt doesn't do enough for mental illness" but there are plenty of resources out there.

amdublin

My heart goes out to you both. I can feel her pain.

You're doing great for her. I am glad she is going to the GP tomorrow.

Medication can take a few weeks to start working but they will soon.

Stick in there.

corks finest

amdublin wrote: »

My heart goes out to you both. I can feel her pain.

You're doing great for her. I am glad she is him going to the GP tomorrow.

Medication can take a few weeks to start working but they will soon.

Stick in there.

Great advice,I'm lost for words,V sad,but having lost 4 sibings. Within the last 6 years (not suicide)life is so,so precious,tough on both parties,last 3 replies to this good guy are encouraging,stick with it

Redser87

Excellent advice above. I have nothing to add except take care of each other.
You obviously love her very much, keep making sure that she knows that.
Be kind to yourself too, you are doing your best. I hope things start looking up for you both.

Hope you're both ok..
Try to impress upon her that she's only 18..she's still very young..

amdublin

Are there supports available to you or her through college? A counsellor

Be kind and look after yourself. Take any supports you can.

MayoMusician

Tenigate wrote: »

I'm sure you realise what your gf did was a "cry for help". So, good to see she's getting help.

Antidepressants can take 4 weeks to take effect, and doc may up the dose a few times after that. So she should expect to see an improvement soon, and possibly 8-12 weeks til she really sees the benefits. If she's not seeing any benefits, gp may decide to change her to a different drug.

There are free counselling services and many of the paid ones operate on a sliding scale. It's easy to say "the govt doesn't do enough for mental illness" but there are plenty of resources out there.

At first I thought it was a cry for help too. But after asking her she assured me it wasn’t. I don’t know if I should believe her or not but I’m just grateful that it turned out the way it did and no other way..

Ursus Horribilis

I think contacting Pieta House would be a good idea in the short term if the GP can't do anything to help in the morning. I'm reading all of this though and wondering are the pair of you dragging each other down? An awful lot of this screams "too much too soon", starting with the very (too!) young age at which you moved in together. Both of you have dropped out of college, you're both experiencing mental health issues and you both seem to be solely reliant on each other. That's an awful lot of sh!t to be dealing with at any age, let alone at 20. Is there nobody in your girlfriend's family who can help share the burden of her issues?

Tenigate

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

An awful lot of this screams "too much too soon", starting with the very (too!) young age at which you moved in together.

I'd actually agree. You've put yourself under enormous pressure to play houses. No shame in saying it hasn't worked out. She might be better off with her parents, and if she gets a grant or dole put it towards her parent's household expenses.

Not sure if it's what you want to hear.

Neyite

Mod:
Sometimes a thread comes along that requires expert advice from professionals and not rely on opinion offered that may be at best, naive, at worst, downright harmful to the person who started the thread. And with reluctance, I have to close this thread for this reason.

OP, you sound like a lovely person who is doing their very best to help someone in dire need. But you need to take your lead in how best to help from people who are experienced and skilled at dealing with this. Please contact Pieta House, they are absolutely wonderful.

All the very best.