Contacting a one night stand ?

ema87

Hi there. I'm pretty embarrassed to be posting this thread so have set up a new account to do it as my question basically is 'am I crazy' and I think the answer is yes!

Basically last weekend, I was out met a guy in a club and he stayed at mine. This is not something that I do hardly ever but it's not my first rodeo either so I know how these things work!

I'm 30, he's 35....we had a good night and got on well. The sex wasn't amazing but was good and the next morning we got on great, no awkwardness, plenty of chat and all was fine. Here's the awkward part...things got heated the next morning and although we were getting on great he couldn't 'perform' at one point. That's fine, these things happen.

We were kinda chatting, falling back to sleep etc and then after a while I just felt like it was time for him to go. I don't really know what came over me....I think maybe I was slightly embarrassed incase I turned him off or something which maybe it was or else I was just over sensitive or childish.

Anyway, I pretended all was fine and around 12, made a comment like oh I better get up..lots to do today etc. I feel like he would have stayed longer but I asked did he want a hailo. He asked for my number and I said 'don't take number if I won't hear from you'. I know this sounds silly but iv had bad experiences before and just didn't want the same thing happening. Anyway he didn't protest so I should probably just leave it there and move on.

Thing is now I'm having regrets which I know is silly..it was a one night stand and I should probably leave it there. I just feel we got on so well and that I acted bitchy unnecessarily. We have a friend in common not a close one but that's how we got chatting. He doesn't know my full name but I'm slightly tempted to add him.on Facebook but wondering is that stalkerish and just a bit clingy. I only found him on as my friend found him for me. I'm never usually like this so that's why I'm over thinking it all. I just don't want to look like a desperate stalker and make a fool of myself. Can't believe I'm 30 and posting this thread!

Advice and opinions would be very welcomed please!

Bambi985

Why exactly are you now feeling like you're interested, when on the morning you got fairly bored of him fairly fast?

Honestly if it was me I'd let this one pass. It's fair to assume he thinks you're not interested based on your behaviour the next morning, I mean if I asked for someone's number and they got their back up the way you did I'd be like "sheez, what's up with this one..." and immediately would think you had issues and it wasn't worthwhile staying in touch. I know you have your reasons etc but it doesn't come across very friendly or positive and that can be a complete turn-off when you've just met someone.

I'd also really think about that first question - why do you want to get in touch with him? The likelihood is if things went the same way you'd be lying beside him again the next morning getting antsy for him to leave again. Sometimes a one night stand is just a one night stand, even if you're someone who "doesn't usually do this kind of thing". I'd be the same as you, not into casual sex etc, and when I've had it in the past, I've ended up feeling fairly emotionally confused after the fact, as physical intimacy triggers feelings in me every time. Despite the lad just not being someone I should or even would want to see again.

December2012

Do you want to see him again? If so, why not just message him on facebook and ask him.

Big Bag of Chips

It'd be easy enough for you to get his number of he's a friend of a friend. It might be worth sending a message, apologising for acting like a dick and asking him if he'd like to meet up again. He couldn't perform the next morning and you more or less told him to jog on... He might not be interested, but you won't know unless you ask.

retro:electro

The nub of the issue is you told him not to take your number if he had no intention of using it, and he didn’t protest.
Doesn’t that tell you all you need to know?

ema87

anna080 wrote: »

The nub of the issue is you told him not to take your number if he had no intention of using it, and he didn’t protest.
Doesn’t that tell you all you need to know?

Thanks for the reply and the reality check. Not sure what's come over me. I'm still tempted but maybe you're right.

retro:electro

ema87 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply and the reality check. Not sure what's come over me. I'm still tempted but maybe you're right.

I think you’re confusing guilt/regret with how you treated him, for feelings?

If you read back through your op you’ll see that there’s not a whole lot worth going back for seconds for!

Big Bag of Chips

By your own admission you were unnecessarily bitchy, maybe that's why he didn't protest. If you're not normally a bitch and think there might be something here (or even that you owe him an apology) then what have you got to lose? If you are normally a bitch, then leave him be!

neonsofa

anna080 wrote: »

The nub of the issue is you told him not to take your number if he had no intention of using it, and he didn’t protest.
Doesn’t that tell you all you need to know?

Literally what I was gonna post. If he wanted to contact you he'd have said so then.

eviltwin

Poor lad probably felt bad enough with his performance issues and the attitude wouldn't have helped. Would you have taken your number if you were him? Look, no harm to contact him to say you are sorry for being off with him, even if nothing comes of it

Ursus Horribilis

Perhaps after the way she treated him, she scared him off when the phone number conversation came up? If you look at it from his point of view, he had that failure to perform the next morning which has to have been embarrassing for him. Then she more or less kicked him out of bed. We don't know the tone the OP used but she could have come across all wrong to him. Perhaps intimidating?

ema87

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Perhaps after the way she treated him, she scared him off when the phone number conversation came up? If you look at it from his point of view, he had that failure to perform the next morning which has to have been embarrassing for him. Then she more or less kicked him out of bed. We don't know the tone the OP used but she could have come across all wrong to him. Perhaps intimidating?

I accept that I was a bit off but it was because of embarrassment on my behalf or some idea that it happened because he wasn't attracted to me. I should also say that he definitely wasn't embarrassed I don't think but it was clear that I wanted sex. He didn't exactly try to make up for it so maybe that's another sign. Anyway, I definitley didn't kick him out of bed..it was noon the next day. Anyway...bottom line is I'm attracted gob****e!

paw patrol

anna080 wrote: »

The nub of the issue is you told him not to take your number if he had no intention of using it, and he didn’t protest.
Doesn’t that tell you all you need to know?

Can only say as a guy if a lady said that to me after a night - I'd take it as a polite "dear john" and I'd leave it at that regardless of whether I'd like to meet again.
After one night no point forcing the issue.

The OP was negative first - who knows if he was just playing along with the vibe he got.

jimd2

Just do it if you would like to give it a go. So you meet again and it doesnt work out no harm done.

retro:electro

paw patrol wrote: »

Can only say as a guy if a lady said that to me after a night - I'd take it as a polite "dear john" and I'd leave it at that regardless of whether I'd like to meet again.
After one night no point forcing the issue.

The OP was negative first - who knows if he was just playing along with the vibe he got.

True. Very interesting.
Op if you feel like things were left unresolved, you’ve nothing really to lose in reaching out to see if he’d like to meet up again.

qwerty13

I think it’s really unfair to say that you attract / are attracted to gob****es. You behaved pretty harshly, I would actually say bitchily. I think the guy was right to just leave.

If you want to contact him, go for it, but you will need to apologise first, and explain yourself, if you’re suggesting meeting again. He probably has you down as a head-melter

ema87

qwerty13 wrote: »

I think it’s really unfair to say that you attract / are attracted to gob****es. You behaved pretty harshly, I would actually say bitchily. I think the guy was right to just leave.

If you want to contact him, go for it, but you will need to apologise first, and explain yourself, if you’re suggesting meeting again. He probably has you down as a head-melter

Sorry...I realised my typo. Meant to say that I'm the gob****e! I fully accept that!

Big Bag of Chips

If you think you were a gob****e and unnecessarily bitchy then I think you should contact him. I really don't think he's done anything wrong, and I certainly wouldn't expect him to chase and persist with someone who was being a bitch to him. You posted here for a reason. You looked him up on Facebook. You obviously would like to see him again. You're 30. Pull up those big girl pants and contact him. He may be interested, he may not. But even if he's not, so what?! Move on. But he just might be...

amdublin

I'm not sure...

If you said it (about not taking your number) in a bitchy tone is one thing.

But it actually is a far point to make.

So if you said it in an "ok" tone then to be fair he is literally answering you and confirming he was not going to contact you.

Op What was the vibe when he asked fornhoir number? Was he just saying it because it's the done thing or do you think he genuinely was going to use it.
I'm wondering had you given it would you be posting here saying he hasn't contacted and should you Facebook him...

amdublin

You are agonising about it now.

You have two options. You do nothing and you must stop thinking and move on.

Or you contact him. On one hand, happy days he wants to meet up too. On the other hand he says no, are you ready for that?

Bearing in mind that he didn't push for your number (were you really that bitchy) I think the signs are he doesn't want to meet. If it was me I wouldn't be contacting him again.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

amdublin

I dont know...

If he was going to contact you his opportunity was to say "I will , go on give me your number".

He asked for your number
You said only if you are going to use it
He didn't take it
That to me is him being honest with you

I think it was a valid thing you said to him. And you got your answer to it.

Sorry op, I know I'm being direct. But I feel you have your answer already so why go and ask it again

OP, you have virtually nothing to lose by making contact, but potentially a lot to gain, imo the maths make it an easy decision to get in touch.

Contessa Raven

Putting myself in his shoes;
If I asked a girl for her number having spent the night with her (casually, might I add) and her response was "Only take it if you plan on using it" I'd be taken aback and annoyed.
The fact he asked for the number would indicate he was interested in seeing you again. Your reaction probably put him right off. It would definitely have rubbed me up the wrong way.

If you want to see him again, ask your friend how best to approach him and be ready to apologise for acting the way you did. It was unnecessarily harsh and he probably feels that due to his lack of performance the day after, that you had no interest in him.

Augme

Yea I'd have thought the majority of guys who get the "Only take my number if you are going to use it." as a kind way of saying "I'm not interested." I certainly have anyway. Saying that are turning sour when the guy couldn't perform(he very likely noticed that too btw) it sounds like a pretty ****ty experience for him.

Even if you weren't interested I'd nearly suggest contacting him to apologise. The fact you are interested then I'd definitely contact him. He might turn you down, but at least he'd appreciate the apology.

LolaJJ

Hey OP,

I'm 36, so have been around a smidgen longer than you.

I think life is too short to sit around over-thinking situations and ultimately, whether you do or don't contact him - in a few months time it will be forgotten. No harm in adding him on fb and sending a message to say hello, and sorry for my grumpy hangover the day after. I promise it's not typical.

That puts the ball securely in his court and it's not like you've said you're seeking your future husband so there's no shame or reason to feel embarrassed if he doesn't respond.

Best of luck x

sashafierce

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Assetbacked

Contact him and have another trip to poundtown. I find getting to know someone after a one night stand is a bit tedious and pointless as the sexual mystery and tension that builds from getting to know someone cannot exist when you’ve already slept together. Guys who don’t think like this are needy and likely don’t have a lot of sex so confuse lust with love. I think you made the right call to leave it at sex; but I would call it cute if you actually went after him despite how you tossed him to the curb.

JeffKenna

Assetbacked wrote: »

Contact him and have another trip to poundtown. I find getting to know someone after a one night stand is a bit tedious and pointless as the sexual mystery and tension that builds from getting to know someone cannot exist when you’ve already slept together. Guys who don’t think like this are needy and likely don’t have a lot of sex so confuse lust with love. I think you made the right call to leave it at sex; but I would call it cute if you actually went after him despite how you tossed him to the curb.

Poundtown...where everyone knows your name.